Stuck With A Memory Forever

My hand made a rapid movement and clutched the sheets as if they were my life. My heart started pounding as if it was going to burst . It felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't move. I couldn't escape even if I wanted to. I couldn't control.I could hardly breathe. 

It was over . I escaped.I opened my eyes .It was just a dream.I started taking deep breaths .My heart slowed down . My body felt cold from all the sweat. I slowly made my grasp loose. The sheets were a mess. I looked around this did not look like my room. My hand went straight towards my bedside drawer , I usually kept my phone there . It wasn't there. I felt the top of the drawer scanning it carefully. The drawer had some impressions on it's border and felt like wood . Only then I remembered how I wasn't at home. I was at my mother's sister's place. I had come to stay here,whilst my mother was gone for her business trip. I do not have my phone with me as my aunt is a very strict woman .She collected my phone before making me go to sleep at 9,which was alot earlier than my usual bedtime. But whenever I used to come here (which was a lot frequently) I had to sleep early.

It was stillness all around me .All I could hear was the ticking of a clock . I hated that sound. But unlike my house this house was full of antique stuff including huge ticking clocks .I tried going back to sleep but couldn't. I sang the lullaby my dad used to sing to me 

"Pretty eyes, messy hair

Go to sleep little bear

Pretty eyes,messy hair

Go to sleep little bear"

I still couldn't sleep and I had sung the lullaby almost a hundred times.I tossed and turned .

I started staring at the huge black and gold antique clock in front of me . I really wanted to know what time it was. Was it early morning or still night .It was weird how badly I wanted to know what the time was. I tried to figure out the time by staring hard at the clock but the small streak of light coming from the space between the curtains wasn't sufficient for seeing the hands of the clock. The brown and yellow room appeared black,gray and white . Showing only outlines. I wanted to go and turn on the little lamp. But the fear that it could be the witching hour , did not allow me to get out of bed. Watching and reading scary movies and books had really made me believe in such stupid things.

After almost an hour I finally got the courage to get out of bed,thinking no witch,ghost or devil could be worse than mankind.I sat up on my bed and then slowly stood up. I walked towards the lamp near the rolltop desk and switched it on . I looked at the clock it was 12:10 . Not much late. A lot of times I had slept past 12'O'Clock. I turned the light off in case my aunt would notice . I opened the curtains for some light.I could see a lot of shrubs and a small tree behind which was another house . The house had no lights on . Suddenly the light of the attic turned on. The white curtains were pretty thin and I could see the shadow of two men and a girl ,she looked pretty small in front of the two men. The girl ran to a man and clung onto him ,the man kept one of his hand on her head and the other around her shoulders. I could hear some voices . It looked as if the two men were arguing. Suddenly a man took out a gun . The other turned around keeping his back towards the othern man and guarding the girl. I yelled . In the blink of an eye the man shot the other person. The person fell on the floor . The blood oozing down.I cried shouting" no , Dad!!".He was still holding the girl tightly .The man again shot him. I shouted "Dad!!!" Then he shot the girl . The scar on my shoulder hurt .The sound of the shot rang in my ears. My aunt ran into my room flinging the door open . I could hear sirens of the police , which were far and faint. My eyes started getting blurry and the pain and trauma came oozing back .

I don't know for how many minutes,hours or days I was unconscious. But when I woke up I was lying on my aunt's lap ,my face wet with her and my tears. Her hands caressing my hair. My cousin and uncle were also sitting around me holding my hand as if giving me strength. As my eyes opened and things were less blurry, my aunt bent down and kissed my forehead. I started crying. "What did I do ? What..wha..t did my dad do?"

"You did nothing my child, and nor did your dad."

Pretty eyes,messy hair

Go to sleep little bear

I still remember that day. I wanted icecream. Dad took me to the parlor 3 blocks...bloc..blocks away .I got my favorite cho..chocolate flavor and dad...dad got his usual black currant. We were talking and skipping back home.Whe...when suddenly a drunk man came towards us, he was saying the name " Joseph" over an..and over again. Maybe he had mistaken my dad for Joseph. He thought I was "Nancy" Joseph's daughter. We started walking fast . The man didn't stop follow..following us. He threw a bottle us we started running.I was scared, terrified. I had always been surrounded by friendly and lovable people I didn't knew people like him existed. I thought he was a monster, the kind I had heard in stories from my parents. My dad called 911. The man got angry and started asking for mon..money. My dad didn't have any kind of money with him . He had only brought the money for ice..icecream. He was angry and drunk plus he had a gun,which we didn't knew at the time. This was a deadly combination. He took out a gun. I was holding on to my dad . My dad wrapped his arms around me as if making a shield to protect me . He tried to make the man understand but all in vain . He shot my...my...my dad. My dad looked at me hugged me tightly . His blood soaking my frock . The man shot him again. And then kicked him to the side. I cried , kept yelling dad . I was too young to know what was death. Too young to understand he was not sl...sleeping. The man shot me on the shoulder. I felt pain , something I had never felt before. The police arrived before the man could shoot me again.

I was that girl. The girl who was shot on her shoulder . The girl who saw her father die .The girl who is stuck with the most heartbreaking memory. The girl who has to relive her most painful memory almost every day. The girl who had to loose her most loved one,the one she loved the most,the one who loved her the most .