I Listened and Heard

Contains Gay Material.

It is not necessary for any of you to make an effort to pitch to me or share any anecdotes about the many wonderful moments you have had in any of these joints.

There is no need for any of you to do either of those things.

I am not going to do this!

I am not going to give in to pressure to do something that I have no desire to do.

Despite everyone encouraging, pushing, and giving me gentle nudges and shoves.

Not me!

No siree!

No intention of being a laughingstock!

To add insult to injury, the thing that you are asking of me does not feel appropriate. 

Of course, my wonderful friends, it’s you who constantly behave as if you are the ones who know what’s best for me. 

I adhere to a set of rules, and one of the most important ones is that I should not be led like one of the animals in the herd.

I will not follow the crowd.

It’s not me.

But you all agree that it is worthwhile for me to experiment with something unfamiliar.

A type of behavior that I would not ordinarily engage in.

On the other hand, that is not my way of thinking; it is yours.

Every time you tell me to do it, you titter behind your hands.

Persuasion makes me even more stubborn than normal.

My principles are high even though they get laughed at.

I’m a well-learned and well-read person and know what it is I want from life.

And it's certainly not going to some seedy dive where I'll meet some seedy individual who wants me for a one-time fling and then disappear. 

But the council and guidance I receive from all of you are always the same.

Go!

I guarantee you, you all say — it will be fun.

You might end up meeting that one person.

And then there are you, the song and dance people!

You are the ones who claim to have been there — done that — and to have had a lovely time while also having the opportunity to meet some amazing and spiritual individuals.

Amazing and spiritual individuals?

Who are you all trying to fool?

Also, and this is of greater importance, do you truly believe that I believe you?

Is it possible that you believe that I might be convinced to join you lot or to go there on my own?

All of you trying to persuade me only makes it worse.

You insist even after I have unequivocally informed each and every one of you that I will not be doing it.

You still use all your limited means of convincingness.

Providing me with fabricated accounts of beautiful experiences, poignant moments that resulted in deep emotions, and connections that lasted.

I would like to know what experiences you may have had that gave you such poignant moments.

Where are those enduring relationships, by the way?

If any of you were to say that to me, I do, if you recall, respond with sarcasm. 

So here is the situation as I see it.

All of you, yes, with the best of intentions, have at one time or another tried to argue, debate, discuss, and basically lure me to join you to spend an evening in a gay bar.

And all of you, again with the best of intentions, hope that my special someone will be in this said bar, leaning against the wood counter, drink in hand — oh yes, one for me also— knowing exactly what I like — right?

And then you expect it to be like instant lightning hitting my heart, and I fall instantly, insanely in love with this person, right?

See?

You immediately start to second-guess and avoid the idea of any of that actually happening.

So why are you persisting in persuading, or should I say trying to guide me in this direction?

Your advice and inclinations are all very well, but there is no guarantee.

Oh there you go — trying to tell me there are no guarantees in life.

I agree with you!

But there is even less chance of what you are seeking for me happening in any of those dens of corruptness.

Although I am aware of your good intentions, I must find what I am looking for on my own and in the manner that I choose. 

No!

I'm not even going to go through with it!

Not even going to take you up on it and take that chance.

Why waste a perfectly good evening in some seedy—okay, so it isn’t seedy—but in some—whatever you want to call it?

Sitting it out and waiting for whatever it is that is going to take place is something that I have no problem doing. 

You, each and every one of you are the ones who have decided to make it your business to get me hooked up. 

I do appreciate it.

Through your words, you have all tried with every ounce of your energy, your sales pitches, and your passion.

It is true that I have listened to every argument.

I expressed my complete and utter enthusiasm for the locations that you have mentioned.

For all of you, however, it is your choice and your dedication to this particular manner of doing things that brings you such satisfaction.

Nonetheless, it will never be mine.

It is difficult for me to see my way clear to join you.

In my opinion, it is a mess that evolved out of the desperation that the circumstances of the times brought forth and which, as you are aware, is a time that has long since passed. 

For my part, I find it revolting that there is a requirement still for such gathering spaces.

And so, my friends, my kind and thoughtful friends, I will go about my business and know this —.

All your persuading, all your debating, your advice and counsel I have taken in and decided.

I will not be persuaded to go with you.

End of discussion.