Spare No Effort

I have given up.

No amount of effort will bring him back to me. They are right, he is gone forever.

I have decided to drop the lawsuit.

It had been three months since they took him away from me. Ever since he was gone, my home had not been the same. It is just a house. A house, with memories. Thousands and thousands of memories. Memories of him preparing food for me. Memories of him lifting me off the couch while I peacefully slept, or so he thought, and putting me in my bed. After all, this was where I was born, where he first experienced the joys of becoming a father. He never left the place. There were too many memories.

And now he is gone. Far far away…..

God knows where.

All his stuff was still here. All of it. His clothes and his bags were exactly where he left them. All his case files were tucked away in the cabinet. Oh how he loved his work! His passion was never ending. He always told me never to give up just like he never gave up. There were thousands of families that gave up on their loved ones but he never gave up on them. Everyday he used to wake up with a new motivation, a new hope of finding the lost ones: those who were gone, but never forgotten.

People called him a madman, a psychopath , a loser. “You think you can bring the dead back? You think they are alive?”, they used to say. He used to dismiss their calls with a shoulder shrug. That was how the police training had taught him to shake off comments. He was sure someday he could bring them justice. Maybe someday, one of those kidnapped ones would come back and tell the people of the unknown land where they take everyone to. Tell people he was not mad. He was not a crazy person. But now, all I wished for was for him to come back from there. Himself.

I kept my belief for all these months but now it was time to let go. I am sorry, Dad. I am giving up on you.

Shattered, I have decided to let myself go out and find peace. The house is not the right place for me today. Tomorrow, I will go and get the case dropped. No amount of search will bring him back. EVER.

I need to go away, somewhere no one knows me. I have to drive to the next town. Bright sunlight falls on my face as I take the turn at the corner of the street, where two little girls are getting some ice cream. There father stood there, smiling at his girls delightedly. Oh how dad used to buy me ice cream! No, I shouldn’t think about this anymore. He used to say he would never give up. He would do what ever it takes to find the mafia. Whatever it takes. No! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop thinking!

A big tractor in front of me came to a sudden halt. I barely make the turn and hit the edge of the trolley. That is ok. I am fine. I am fine. I am fine. I just need to calm down…

I get off the car in a busy marketplace. Sounds of street vendors and the delicious aroma of food filled the air. Several homeless beggars are sitting on the side of the road pleading to every passerby for a little food. Oh how dad would have helped them!

I walk over to this very staving guy, his shirt ripped, his hands all filthy. He raises his hands to the sky and points with a finger, ‘Oh please dear daughter, give me money in the name of God’. I drop of 2 dollars in his small metal box.That is all I have today. He gives me the widest smiles, “May God bless you dear. May you find whatever you are looking for in this world.”

Oh how I wish dear stranger! How I wish I would find my father. How I wish he would come back and hug me and tell me he was ok.

“May God fulfill the prayer you just made”, I replied.

There is something about him. Something that hit me. Some sort of deep, deep connection that even I don’t know about.

No.

This can’t be.

“please please sir, look up to my face, will you!??!”

And he lifts his head up. This is not happening. There he is. There he is! Right in front of me, smiling at me.

I don’t understand. How is this even possible?????

Oh my God! He would do anything. He would indeed do anything. He was barely recognizable. What a disguise father! Even a daughter can’t see through it.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. Just when I was giving up, the universe has shown me the way. All I need to do is wait. Wait for my father to get things done. Just like he always did.

I couldn’t help hold my tears back but this could threaten his life. I need to go away. I walk over to the juice stand on the other side of the road. It was the toughest thing in my life to not run over and hug him and cry. But after all, I am his daughter and I am tough too. Just like him. I buy two large size juices and walk back to him. With the most radiant smile on my face, I say “ Here stranger, I bet you are thirsty.”

“May God Bless you dear girl. Your parents must be so proud of you”. Oh he is proud of me! He is so proud of me!!

He takes the glass and hands me back the lid. I have no other excuse to stay with him. I have to leave. I hold back my tears and walk back to my car, trying my best not to turn around again. As I sit back in my car, I realize there is a small newspaper cutting stuck inside the lid of the juice container. It is an old headline cutting. It reads as follows

“Undercover officer uncovers huge mafia. ”

Dad, you can do this too!