Always and Forever

Golden-orange tendrils of light chase the last bits of darkness from the air. The sky, unsure which color to wear, tries them all on: purple, red, pink, orange, blue. The green forest comes alive with the sounds of birdsong. Sunlight races over the hill and through the trees, making shadows dance across the ground.

Lucas sighs. A plume of steam flows from his mouth. He shivers as he presses his palms against the cold stone he's sitting on, but he savors the sensation. "This just might be the most gorgeous sunrise I've ever seen." He turns at the sound of sniffling. "Aubrey? What's wrong?"

She wipes her nose on the underside of her sleeve before burying her head in her arms. "You know what's wrong." Her whispered words are muffled against the blue hoodie's thick fabric.

His brows knit together. "Honey, I..." Lucas's voice cracks on the words. He clears his throat and tries again. "If I could cha--"

"But you can't! You can't change it!" Aubrey's head jerks up and she looks at him with narrowed eyes. Wet trails glisten down her cheeks.

Lucas's eyes well up as he sees the pain etched across his wife's face. He swallows hard. "Aubrey." He slides closer, placing a hand on her trembling shoulder.

She turns her back to him. She stares off into the distance and says with a gentler voice, "Please don't touch me right now."

He tastes the salt of his own tears as they slide past his lips. "Why?"

Aubrey shoves herself up from the ground, out of her husband's reach. She replies through clenched teeth. "Lucas, I can't handle this!" She starts to fold in on herself as the tears stream, unabated. "I just... I..." Her head droops as her voice catches in the back of her tight throat. She barely manages to whisper, "I'm not strong enough."

"Aubrey." Lucas stands and takes a step closer. "I love y--"

"I love you, too!" Aubrey's angry tone belies her words. "What do you think makes this so difficult? I love you!" Her chest heaves. Her eyes plead with his as she searches for the right words. "When we got married, I knew you were the one I wanted to grow old with. I could see us spending decades together. Raising children together. Playing with our grandchildren together. But then you got the diagnosis..."

She chokes on a sob. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath and starts again. "We've only been married for a year. And now..."

Lucas steps closer and wraps her in his arms. "Aubrey." The gentle breeze lifts the dark hair off her shoulders and fills the air with the smell of her shampoo. He presses a kiss against the vanilla-lavender scented locks. "If it were up to me, I'd never leave you. I'm so, so sor--"

"Don't you dare apologize!"

 "I don't underst--"

"I don't understand either!" Aubrey takes a shaky breath. She leans back and looks into Lucas's deep blue eyes, trying her best to commit their color to memory. Sighing, she runs a hand across the stubble on his cheek. With a softened tone, she goes on, "I'm... I'm angry, Lucas. We were supposed to have a lifetime, but... Now, the doctors say six months. If we're lucky. I only get to laugh with you, to kiss you, to hold you, to fight with you and make up with you for a few more months. And then, I have to find a way to go on. Alone.

"But you know what? I'm not just angry and hurt. I also feel guilty and ashamed. You're the one who's..." Her voice trails away. She clears her throat and starts again. "I shouldn't be dumping this on you. It's not your fault, and you have nothing to apologize for. I should be comforting you! Not the other way around!"

She runs a hand through his short hair, memorizing the wavy texture. Then, she slides her fingers down over the firm muscles of his arm. She grabs his hand and intertwines it with her own. "And then, I turn around and feel lonely and scared. Partly because I'll be alone soon, and I can't get away from that thought. But also, because I feel like it's wrong to talk to you about this.

"And then, I get angry that I have no one to blame this whole awful situation on." Aubrey swallows hard as she studies the lines on the palm of Lucas's hand. "And then... Then, the whole messed up cycle starts over again."

Lucas reaches over and lifts Aubrey's chin until their eyes meet. He looks at her puffy red eyes, her tear-stained cheeks, her dripping nose, and he can't imagine anyone more beautiful than his Aubrey. He leads her over to a large rock and sits down, pulling her onto his lap.

A butterfly lands on the rock beside them and flaps its brilliant blue wings. The couple turns to watch, momentarily distracted by the insect's beauty. Finally, it flutters away.

"I feel hurt and angry, too. But not because I'm dying. It happens to everyone, eventually. It just hurts that I have to leave you. You have every right to feel hurt and angry and lonely. But not guilty or ashamed. You can always talk to me, Aubrey." He presses his forehead against hers and whispers, "Always and forever."

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A year later

Aubrey sits on a boulder and pulls the blanket up over her shoulders. She listens to the sound of the water lapping at the shore. Crickets chirp and frogs lend their voices to the water's steady rhythm.

Looking up at the starry sky, Aubrey takes a shuddering breath. "Oh, Lucas. I wish you were here. These last few months have been so hard. I can't even find the words to explain how I feel right now. I just... I guess I just wanted to say that I miss you."

Just as Aubrey starts to get up, a butterfly lands on her knee. One with deep blue wings that seem to sparkle in the moonlight. She stares. She tells herself that even though butterflies don't fly at night, it must be a coincidence. That this has nothing to do with the butterfly that she and Lucas had watched at sunrise, an eternity ago.

Then, a second butterfly lands on her leg. She's still not convinced. Then there's another. And another, until she's covered by their delicate blue wings, their legs tickling the bare skin on her hands and face. With tears rolling down her cheeks, she watches silently.

All at once, the butterflies take flight. They flit out across the lake. Then, just for a moment, she swears the small creatures work together to form the shape of a heart as they cross in front of the moon. Finally believing that this really is a sign, she dries her tears and whispers, "Always and forever."

Aubrey leans back and watches the moonlight as it dances across the water. She smiles, knowing that Lucas is somewhere, watching it too.