Betrayals and Unexpected Surprises

Submitted into Contest #34 in response to: Write a story about someone who finds a secret passageway in their house.... view prompt


Mystery Thriller

I kicked the pebbles on the road, walking towards an ancient-looking house. I swung open the door and dumped my soft, pink woolly coat over Grandma Olivia's rusty house peg. I sprinted into my grandmother's ancient house. I was staying at her house for the weekend, and her house was an old Victorian turn-out that never ceased to impress. I loved exploring her house for I found many secrets that I never knew. For instance: the house had a basement whom nobody knew until I realized it. The house was simple, however. Photographs were neatly arranged on a mantel piece, two couches positioned in front of a television, a neat kitchen and boxes still abandoned on the floor. Ever since Grandpa Joe had disappeared, things had been quite distressing for Grandma Olivia and she never seemed to be her usual self. Ever since Grandpa Joe had disappeared, Grandma Olivia had been into a baking craze. I couldn't say I didn't enjoy her mouthwatering snacks though. Grandpa Joe had disappeared mysteriously one day. Grandma Olivia called the police but they could not place their hands on where Gr

"Evelyn! Get your pretzels here please!" Grandma Olivia called, plastering on a huge, fake smile and indicating a plate of chocolate pretzels

I licked my lips, chose the biggest pretzel and headed up the dusty stairs. "I'll be upstairs if you need me Grandma." I replied, biting the pretzel and racing up the stairs.

I ran my fingers over the pale, white and gloomy cracked walls and hummed a soft tune. I stared at at all the six rooms. I took a deep breath and a dusty door. I stared miserably at the room. It was Grandpa Joe's room. At least it used to be. Grandpa Joe had mysteriously disappeared last year I quickly wiped a few trickling tears as I ventured in his room. I missed him. Although we never chatted much, I still missed his presence.

He never talked much to me though. His room was painted a plain, dull twig brown and a few photographs were abandoned on the bed. There were a lot of clothes scattered on the floor and a few metal hangers on the bed, He had a simple wardrobe and a clean bathroom. His walls looked plain and a pearl white. It was funny how he never decorated his room much. The walls had no wallpaper.

I ran my fingers over a wall and felt a neat line. "Huh?" I muttered, treading my finger over the line again. This was funny, I had never come across any neat line over the walls not counting the cracks made by the staircase. I felt the neat line and gasped. What if it led to a secret passageway? I tried to open the crack on the wall. In utter bewilderment, I slowly grasped the crack in the wall and opened it revealing mere darkness. I gaped at the darkness. It was quite extraordinary for I had never come across anything like this before.

Glancing nervously at the back of me, I hastily latched the old, creaking door that belonged to Grandpa Joe's former room and took a deep breath. I stepped into the darkness, one foot at a time and I looked around for any sort of light switch. But I felt none. I looked at distraught in the darkness, wondering what on earth it was when I spotted a face lingering and staring at me.

I gasped, backing away anxiously, my heart beating right out of my chest. But what puzzled me even more was, the face looked oddly familiar. Beads of sweat hung precariously off my brow as I squinted in the darkness trying to digest who that dark face belonged to. My legs were practically trembling as I mentally run a long list of faces in my mind when I gasped, and stopped at a bright tinkling light in my brain. I knew the face belonged to. I knew. But it was hard to believe it.

The tears dripped down my flushed cheeks in shock as I digested who the face was.

It couldn't be, it couldn't be.....

But it was.

It was the face of Grandpa Joe. My grandfather who had disappeared mysteriously last year.

I gasped and stammered. "G-grandpa?"

Grandpa Joe's pleasant face strolled into visibility. "Ah, at last you have found me, Evelyn." he said, smiling strangely.

I raised my eyebrows. "G-grandpa Joe?" I repeated again, clearly astonished and shocked.

"I have been stuck in this secret passageway since last year. The only way to get out is if someone else replaces me. And you have!" he cried, grinning menacingly. Huh? I didn't understand at all.

There was something very strange and weird about Grandpa Joe's smile.

He pushed past me and pushed his old, frail body out of the secret passageway and kicked me in. "I'm sorry Evelyn, but you'll have to stay in...until someone replaces you." he smiled and shut the door.

I gasped. I didn't understand anything. My very own grandfather? A lot of shocks flooded into my head. Firstly, I was so crazed out that I had just found some sort of weird passageway. Secondly, I had just discovered the disappearance of my very own grandfather. Thirdly, my grandfather had just walked out and left me in this secret passageway.

I couldn't believe it. My very own grandfather had me stuck me in his own portal. "Help!" I yelled, banging the door. "HELP!"

Nobody answered. The door had just locked. I looked at the secret passageway and turned around and crawled on my cold, shivering feet on the floor. I just yearned for light. If there was light, at least I could see where I was heading to. I bumped onto something. I gasped and rubbed the soles of my foot painfully. I stood up and limped towards the object.

I had found a staircase. A staircase leading to nobody knew where.

I caught my breath and felt for the dusty banister. I ventured up the stairs, my heart beating right out of my chest on every step I stepped on.

March 24, 2020 08:00

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Murali Narkunam
13:52 Jun 20, 2020

Oh my very interesting end, so unexpected!


Niveeidha Palani
02:06 Jun 21, 2020



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A.B. Writer
00:09 Oct 11, 2023

Oh. My. Gosh. This was GREAT!!! I loved how much detail you put into the house, and making the transition from how nice the house was to how dull Joe's room was. You MUST make a part 2 in this story.


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08:17 Jul 21, 2020

Interesting twist of your story ! Love the way you go into the description of your scenarios....keep it up !


Niveeidha Palani
08:27 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you! :)


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Lavanya Saxena
11:25 Jul 08, 2020

The ending was very unexpected! This story was really descriptive! I think you could have reduced the amount of repetitive words, such as: House, Grandma Olivia, Grandpa Joe and more. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK 👍👍


Niveeidha Palani
12:42 Jul 08, 2020

Thank you, Lavanya! I will keep your feedback into mind, thank you for being so encouraging!


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