Forgiveness

“hi”

“welcome”

“you are not exactly in a place to be welcoming anyone”

“correct, but I was told this is as good as it gets, please take a seat”

“thank you, it’s cold in here “

“here, take my jacket”

“no I don't need anything from you”

“okay, so, how did you find me?”

“I didn’t, my psychologist did”

“A shrink! You must have done well for yourself, to can afford a shrink. why?”

“she said it would be good for me; talking to you, I mean”

“is that why you here? To talk to me?”

“yes”

“what do you want to talk about?”

“everything”

“what is everything?”

“let’s start with you, how did you get here?”

“it’s a rehab center, what do you think? “

“I think drug addicts don’t just show up at rehab centers without a reason, so what happened? “

“I got arrested, I was caught dealing “

“the last time I checked, you were just using”

“you check up on me?”

“no I mean when you left”

“I needed the money, I was owing some people so I had to”

“no you didn’t have to, you just had to get a job; just as you didn’t have to leave “

“I did what was best for you and your sister “

“ she died”

“who died? “

“Lisa, she was sick, I looked for you everywhere to no avail. I couldn’t afford to burry her, I was just 15,what could I have done? I had to leave her there, at the hospital”

“oh my God, I didn’t know “

“yes how could you, you chose your drugs over us”

“I’m so sorry “

“no you are not, if you were sorry you would have came back”

“I had to stay away for your own good”

“look where we are now, how did any of this benefit me? I lost my sister “

“but you seem to me like you turned out just fine”

“is that all you care about? “

“yes, I chose to stay away because I didn’t want my mistakes to over shadow you and your sister “

“no, you don’t get to talk about my sister, you lost that right a long time ago, so don’t you dare”

“okay, I’m sorry; enough about me, tell me about you”

“we are not here to talk about me”

“yes but no one said we shouldn’t, what are you doing now? “

“I’m a doctor”

“just like you always wanted to be, you chased your dreams, I’m proud of you”

“I didn’t do it for you”

“I never said you did”

“I did it for Lisa, I wanted her to be proud of me in heaven, because I don’t want anyone to ever lose someone they love like I did, so I wanted to play my part and help in healing people “

“you’ve grown up Maria, you sound like a true matured woman, I am sure Lisa is proud of you looking at what you’ve accomplished “

“I don’t need your reassurance, I know she’s proud”

“so are you married yet? “

“no! “

“but you were always the optimistic type, believe in love so much, you always said you’d be married at 23, you are 25 now “

“yeah I know”

“so what happened? “

“life happened I guess, I finally got to understand what grown-ups meant when they would say life happens when I was a kid”

“I’m sorry “

“I’m not, I grew from those experiences “

“you don’t seem like you did, I can tell you still hurting, talk to me, what’s eating you? “

“I don’t have to tell you anything “

“yes you don’t but I’m asking you to”

“who do you think you are that you think you know what is good or bad for me”

“I didn’t say it will be good for you, I said I’m just asking to get to know you “

“you don’t need to know me, I’m just here because Dr Linda said I should, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough “

“Maria please, I know you didn’t want to see me, your doctor told me”

“how do you know my doctor? “

“she didn’t tell you this, but I’m the one who found you, she didn’t find me, I saw you walk out of her offices the other day, I couldn’t approach you because I didn’t have the courage to, so I chose to go speak to her instead, I asked her to arrange this meeting “

“wow, so all this was just a façade, to make me believe that this is for my well being but in fact it was all about you “

“Maria please… “

“No! How selfish can you be? You say you wanted to do what is best for me, then you should have known that what is best for me would have been you staying away”

“I saw you that day and I knew I owed you an apology, I couldn’t live with myself “

“you should have gone back to whatever hole you creeped out of and stayed the hell out of my life”

“I couldn’t just… “

“yes you could have, you’ve done it before, it’s nothing new, and this time it wouldn’t even hurt because I had not even seen you, but no! You just had to mushroom back into my life “

“Maria let me talk”

“no you don’t talk, you are the most selfish person on this planet, if you saw me, you should have seen that I actually did well for myself, I don’t need you or anybody, I did well for myself without you and I would like to keep it that way, so we are done here, I’m leaving, don’t ever contact me again “

“Maria please stop, I’m begging you don’t leave”

“just give me one good reason, why I should open that door and leave right now”

“just let me say this one thing, and then you don’t ever have to hear or see me again “

“one minute! you get one minute”

“there is a reason I left, you remember the first time Lisa got sick and she needed a kidney transplant”

“yes”

“I didn’t have the money for that, the bank wouldn’t give me loan because I didn’t have a job and they thought I was just going to use it on drugs, I tried everything I could to get that loan but I couldn’t. I then got a loan from some guy my friend got me mixed with, that’s how I could afford to pay for that treatment”

“so I’m supposed to thank you for that? “

“no, just listen, the guy I got the loan from is a drug dealer, I didn’t know that when I went to him, and he is a very dangerous man. When I couldn’t afford to pay back the money I threatened to come for you, unless I came to work for him. We agreed I would work for him till I made double the amount I owed, and he would let me go, that was just going to take me a year”

“ it’s been 10 years now”

“yes I know, after I left and a year went by, he didn’t let me go, he said if I left he was going to come after you and Lisa, I couldn’t let that happen, seeing all this things he would make all this other little girls do, I didn’t want that for you “

“but you could have gone to the police “

“then he was going to kill me and get the both of you anyways, you need to understand I made bad choices, I ended getting addicted to drugs just so I can ease my mind, I didn’t want to leave the both of you, but I had no choice, I had to make sure you were safe”

“safe!? You call that safe?”

“well I’m sorry if you feel I could have done better, but I was on drugs, I made some bad choices and at that time I did what I thought was best for you”

“He raped me!”

“what? Who?”

“George! He raped me, when you left and Lisa died, they said I couldn’t stay alone, the people from the child care services, the bank was repossessing the house so they took me to stay with your uncle George, they said he was the only family they could stay with me, everyone else didn’t want anything to do with a child of a drug addict! “

“Maria, baby, I am so sorry, I could make it back on time, I had only paid the house just for the year, I didn’t know things will turn out the way they did “

“the first time, a month after I started staying with him, he came back from work in the evening, I was in my room, he called me to his room and told me, he brought sweet for me, that I should sit on his lap to get the sweets. I told him I’m not comfortable with that, but he forced me, he forced himself on me, and when I cried keep quiet! He would say; uncle Georgy will give me sweets, it was so excruciatingly painful, I couldn’t take it, so then he would cover my mouth with a cloth and sing to me. I hated his voice just as much as I hated what he was doing to me. “

“I’m sorry that happened to you Maria, I… “

“where were? I cried out for you and he would tell me you are not coming, that no one can hear me, that you are not going to come for me! But still a part of me hoped you would walk through that door and save me, that you could hear me, wherever you were “

“today I hate myself even more for not coming back for both you and Lisa, I should have come back for you, I should have done more to protect you, and I’m deeply sorry for not being there to protect you when you needed me, I’m sorry for being a drug addict, I’m sorry for everything wrong that I’ve done and affected you “

“every night, I would hear him by footsteps approaching my door, I’d try to hide, but he would find me every damn time and I would cry, then he would sing, for 2 years straight, that man would come into my room at night and molest me.” “I cried till I couldn’t cry no more, and one night I ran, I heard him coming and I jumped out the window and I ran; I ran as further away from him as my feet could carry me. I went back to our house and you were still not there, there was a new family living there and they took me in that night “

“they fed me, and clothed me, something you were supposed to do, but you were not there, you were supposed to be there for me”

“baby I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you “

“don’t call me that, I am not your baby, what kind of a mother are you, you were supposed to be a mother, my mother! But you failed at that too, the most basic thing “

“I’m sorry Maria “

“it’s okay, one day I’ll call you and tell you I forgive you, but for now you’ll just remain a ghost from the past"

"Maria you and I have a lot more in common than you know"

"I'm nothing like you"

"correct you are so much better, you are smart and strong"

"see, we have nothing in common!"

"George! He's your father!"

"goodbye mother"

"I'm sorry Maria"

"it's okay, I forgive you"