The Late New Year's Resolutions Frenzy

   The Late New Year’s Resolutions Frenzy

Suzanne Marsh

Five O’clock in the evening New Year’s Eve 2022

I have no idea what posessed me to decide that I had to learn to play the Irish Tin Whistle; but I now have to fulfill two last minute New Year’s resolutions from 2022. These two resolutions would be my undoing unless I completed them before midnight. I had seen the Irish Tin Whistle in a magazine and decided it would be easy to learn to play; my logic was if I could learn to play the bagpipes and piano then an Irish Whistle would be simply. My intention was to learn to play it for my daughter’s wedding; that came and went in October; I still had two months to learn the basics. October became November; December was Christmas. Wham then it was New Year’s Eve. Procrastination I think should have been my middle name!

I frantically began to search You Tube for instructions on how to play this thing. The instruction book left a lot to be desired. There I sat, eying the book; staring at it would be more accurate. The damn thing had sat on my desk for almost a year. I purchased in December of 2021 and made it known that I was going to learn to play it. Somehow I had to manage to be able to play at least Amazing Grace, which looked fairly simply. I wish it had been that simple.

I found a woman on You Tube who explained how to go up the scale and back down. Easy? I don’t think so. The whistle gave me a sliver, that was just for starters. I removed the sliver, then returned to the You Tube screening. She first explains how to get the whistle to play d and up the scale. The first part was easy; at least for me. In order to sound the ‘d’ you have to blow very delicately into the whistle; don’t bit the top it. The lower register I followed until I got to’c’. Coordination is not exactly my forte. To play a ‘c’ you have to remove all your fingers, in other words all six holes have to be open. I did as she showed me and you guessed it I dropped it to the floor; thank heaven it is not as fragile as a bagpipe practice chanter. I tried it several different way; all the while watching the minutes turn into hours with midnight quickly approaching.

I watched and rewound quite a few times but finally managed to go up the scale to ‘c’ without dropping the whistle. Plus one for my side. I was more determined than ever to play Amazing Grace by midnight; come hell or high water.

In the mean time I still had to lose five pounds in less than half a day. I began to look at the web. There had to be some advice somewhere as to how to get rid of at least five pounds. There was all sorts of sage advise; drink plenty of water, increase physical activity, NO SALT and reduce starch intake. It sounded so easy; don’t believe everything you read on the web at least not how to remove five pounds so that you can fit into that beautiful red dress that you purchased for the New Year’s Party; I had to get those five pounds off and that was that.

Water with no flavoring is not my thing; the water in the city I live in; has the tasteful allure of swamp water. I held my breath, turned on the faucet. I put the glass under the water and hoped for the best. The best was even worse than I remembered. The sulfurish odor permeated the entire kitchen; I gulpped down the water as quickly as possible; then went to the store and purchased bottled water. According to the article I could drink up to four liters. I bought four liters of water and trudged back home.

I definitely increased by physical activity simply by walking to the store and back; the store is a block from the house. Drinking four liters of water taught me that first it is not a good idea. Second I spent so much time in the bathroom that I had no time to eat. It seemed as if every five minutes I was running to bathroom. I was not getting hungry and decided that celery sticks would suffice. Wrong! There was left over pizza in the fridge; I got it out. I put it in the microwave, I was ready to eat. I was ready to eat until I realized that one of the items mentioned in the article was reduce starch intake. I compromised with myself; I had the pizza and celery sticks. Pizza, because I love it and celery sticks so I continue to shed those five pounds.

Things were running smoothly enough then I decided to try on the red dress, I knew it was going to be tight, I just did not plan on turning blue trying to get it zipped. I am not an acrobat to begin with and that zipper was a challenge. The back is low making it more difficult to zip, but I am not one to be deterred so I struggled. I still had a few hours before midnight. I had drank two liters of water and was floating but I still had two more to consume. ‘Down the hatch’ I told myself. The third liter and I was in a race to the bathroom. Each time I went to bathroom I would jump on the scale. I had lost about three pounds; I had two; to go. Patience is not my forte but I tried to keep in mind that this was for my benefit. I ran around the house several times, the dogs nipping at my heels. They said to exercise more, so that is what I did. Once again, mother nature beckoned. I jumped on the scale, it was now eleven o’clock in the evening. I had lost the five pounds, and some semblance of my sanity, I think.

In the future, I am not making any more dumb resolutions like losing five pounds in a few hours and learning to play the Irish Whistle in a few hours. Now I feel better!