The Beach I Used To Go To

It feels like yesterday when I last visited this place. I remember as a kid, I always used to go to Cyprus every Summer, every Christmas and every Easter. Sadly, as the years went by, I stopped going on Easter, because my mom wasn’t coming with me and my sister, and my relationship with my grandma grew further and further each time, so it was a bit awkward of me going alone there with my grandma. Of course, I know she loves me, but sometimes love is not enough for two people to get along. My grandma grew up with different ideologies, which I didn’t agree with. She always feels like everyone should be one way only. At the age of 11, I discovered myself and I figured out that I was a lesbian, which wasn’t that hard telling most people, but to my grandma, it felt different. I didn’t come out to her until I was 15 or something, and as soon as I said it, she started telling me how it’s abnormal and that I should be with a guy and get married and have children. I told her that it wasn’t her place to tell me what to do with my life and that those things she proposed me weren’t my dreams, they were hers, and she did them. She still didn’t understand and we kept arguing about that, but then we stopped talking about it. We didn’t discuss this much after that, although there were times when she asked me about a boyfriend and then the talk kept going there. My grandma is also fatphobic, meaning she doesn’t like people who are overweight and she always judges them. I remember when I was younger and I wasn’t that many kilos, I was sitting at the beach and then a teenage girl was sitting somewhere near as, and she was overweight, and suddenly my grandma was whispering to me things like, “look at her how she is”, “do you want to be like this when you grow up?”. As I gained more weight she criticized me a lot more and always made me feel less attractive. It’s ironic though, because when we were kids with my sister, she always used to give us sweets and everything to eat, and then suddenly as we grew older, she complained to us about it, even if we were a bit more, she would still comment on that. I have reached my 20’s and now I’m like 90 kilos, and she always brings up my weight when I go visit her in Cyprus. 

I still go to Cyprus every year, but the one place I hadn’t been to in a long time, was a certain beach in Protaras area, which was small in size, and there were rocks, big and small ones everywhere. At each side there were huge rocks, which underneath always had crabs and tiny fish and creatures, and in the middle, there were pebbles where you could put your umbrella, or whatever else you want and just sit there, swim in the water. Most of the time, it was a clean beach, inside and outside, and the water many times was so clear you could actually see what’s under the sea. I remember when we were kids with my sister, we used to go with my grandma, my mom, and before he died, my grandpa as well. It wasn’t the nearest beach, but it was my favorite one, that’s why I always wanted to go there, and in no other place to swim. Everything else seemed boring to me and I always complained when they wanted to go somewhere else. So, because it wasn’t that close, we always carried with us many things, like a cooler with food inside, a bag for the towels and clothes, or extra swimsuit just in case and for the sunscreen too, Usually 4 or more chairs, a mat, an umbrella, since we always went early at around 11am-12pm, and a bag for our sea masks and flippers. I always loved the sea, especially when I was going underwater, because it always made me feel calmer and there was a different sensation inside it. As a kid, I could go in the water from the point we got there and get out the moment we had to leave, which was around 6 or 7pm. 

The sea there was filled with life. There were fish, big and small. There were molluscs and in a few areas only, urchins. Sometimes, there were sea centipedes, which if you touch, you will feel like burning a little bit. Only once, accidentally, I touched it with my knee, and it burned me, but thankfully, it passed soon. There were rocks in the sea as well, so I always loved going to the bottom of the sea and see everything underneath these rocks or just swim among them, like I was a fish or a mermaid. I always wished I could be a mermaid and live in the sea forever. I also remember, sometimes, when I used to go underwater with my sea mask and flippers, I would grab a part of a rock which was at the bottom and I would just let my whole body free, while watching the sea upside down. It was the most relaxing thing in the world, as long as I wasn’t running out of breath. As a kid, I remember, I used to be really good with my breath and I would go underwater and then suddenly appear at a further spot, so this is why many people called me a dolphin or a mermaid, because I would be underwater for most of the time, and I would just go at the surface to breathe, and then back in again. Sometimes I was even scarring some family members, which I found funny as a prank, because they never saw me coming from anywhere, and suddenly I was popping out in front of them. My mom especially got many jump scares and as I remember that, I’m still laughing with those moments. They are good memories. This beach always brings me great memories. 

So today I finally went to my favorite beach, which I hadn’t been in a long time. Unfortunately when I went there, I wasn’t as satisfied for only one reason. They changed the beach. They literally changed some parts of the beach, so that it can become a more touristic spot, which it was already, but because there is a hotel being made, they changed it, so that the people from the hotel will be able to go there better. It is one of the most frustrating times of my life, because they changed my favorite spot to swim and it’s not just about that. How could they change this beautiful spot? It was perfect before, it didn’t need any fixing. They changed the pebbles and they put sand, and the huge rocks, most of them at least, were gone, even some of the ones in the sea. Although, I still love this spot, cause it has a great water and is peaceful, it will never be the same as it was when I was a kid. I will always remember that spot, the way it was before the change. I will always remember those memories and the times I spent there. The people I came across with, because there were people who would come to this beach every year and we would see them every year. Even though they weren’t friends, they were familiar faces. I even remember the times when the beach was empty and we were just us and I could have the whole sea to myself. I always preferred it this way, because it was more sure that it wouldn’t get dirty or blurry in the sea. Sometimes when there were kids, the water would get blurry at the beginning. 

One thing that I learned from this is that, the place you were going as a kid, might not be the same anymore. And although you might not like the change, you have to find a way to get passed it and move on, because that’s the only way you won’t get upset all the time. People might change certain places, but the memories will never go away, and you will always remember how it was before, which you might tell your kids one day and they probably won’t be able to imagine it. but you still will be. Goodbye Protara’s beach, I will always remember you that way.