Bridges Burnt

Bye was the last thing she said, It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that came from a person drained of all hope. I sank to my knees at the tiny grave, not caring for the damp mud that dirtied my dress. My tears mingled with the rain and her gasping wails echoed around the gravestones. The pain that flowed from me was as palpable was the frigid fall wind and soon the only person at my side was Ceaser, hadn't he did enough damage. I yelled, ''leave me alone you have did enough for one day.'' Struggling to keep his tears silent, looking up to the watery skies, he got up and walked off, I already regretted shouting at him, but let me take you back to why this happened.

Love can destroy a friendship you have had for 14 years, whether it was a strong/tight bond or not. Me, Jazlyn, Jackie, Shali and Ceaser have been besties for 11 years! We all lived on the same street, (Ashdale road) since we were 0 we were all friends and when we turned 12 that's when everything came crumbling down like heavy hailstone. We were all in a group, but me and Jazlyn were best friends she was the first one to talk to me, and she smeared green paint all over my face and then green was (not anymore though) my favourite colour and her's too.

Jackie and Shali were best friends too, and that leaves Ceaser the only boy in our group, the reason to why me and Jazlyn stopped being friends. You see, when Jazlyn likes someone she wont say it but she will show it, when we all turned 9, Jazlyn began to like Ceaser it was very obvious, but nobody could tell if Ceaser liked her back. Shali and Jackie would tease me about Ceaser liking me when Jazlyn wasn't there at first i didn't believe until the day of our last day in primary school dance.

We danced smiled until near the ending, where everything came falling descending, a strong friendship for 11 years was ruined cause of one mistake, but to me it wasn't a mistake, but i always thought of it as that because of Jazlyn, Ceaser danced with all of us, Shali, Jackie, Jazlyn, however that day i wasn't fortunate. A slowed down song came up, it my favourite song but I couldn't even bear to listen to it now the DJ, played workout by J Cole but it was slow and we both felt the music, then it happened...Ceaser kissed me... and Jazlyn saw. I slipped trying to run away from her because she was walking up to me, and these words always replay in my head that Jazlyn said,'' Oh you snapped girl next time make it your neck and don't think you will see me in the holidays because i'm moving down to Somerset, and we wont be in the same high school, I will never forgive you Dream!'' she stormed out mascara making her tears black.

After Jazlyn left, we stopped keeping in touch, she was the glue to our group, and then Shali broke the news to us she was moving to the west side, it wasn't too far, but she wasn't coming to me and Ceasers high school and Jackie moved back to Spain. Which left me and Ceaser, but don't get your hopes up, we stopped talking because of what we caused, and plus Ceaser was a different person, I can't say I didn't change i went from a vibrant green, yellow clothing and light brown wavy hair and, cute freckles and a smile that could apparently light up darkness, but now i was the darkness, my hair was black my clothing was black, my face was pale i always wore baggy clothing, and as for Ceaser he joined a gang with his brother and always got himself into trouble.

People say the darkness “presses in,” it doesn't. The darkness kisses up to your skin closer than a mother and whispers excitement into your ears. The darkness is your best friend, it's funny and glib, flattering and cool. The darkness will be your favourite thing right up until your exits are blocked, then it has no reason to hide. If it was easy to spot darkness there wouldn't be a problem, how often are you confused with day and night? But I can tell you now, if you don't understand your own emotions and motivations I can't help you. You are a character, this is your story, now what do you want? What do you fear? Know that and you can unlock your own cage and step into the light.

After Jazlyn left i decided to isolate myself from friendships, Ceaser, was adored by all the girls but he didn't see any of them like that, maybe he missed Jazlyn and regretted what happened, i mean its not a big deal if he did pfftt, i don't care so yeah.

My mum was worried, she thought Jazlyn had turned me into a depressed, prisoner Jazlyn didn't keep in contact, Jackie and Shali promised to but they didn't. After school i took the alleyway, and i saw Shali in her tight, neat uniform and she was smiling and talking to these two other pretty girls, it's not the first time we have seen each other and pretended, we didn't know each other, i brought up all the courage to say hi and I did, '' Hi Shali, it's been long! i said all vibrant, like my past self was breaking free. She looked at me with a disgusted look and began walking fast, and my past self was shot back down.

I decided to go the Park at night and my day became worse a dog came running to me, licking my face and sniffing my hoodie, I laughed then looked up while petting the dog, and I saw his face and all the memories came back, ''Ceaser,'' i said quietly. ''Hey,'' he said, ''It's been long!'' he said all merrily. I got up and began walking quickly to the playground.

It was as if the playground had been taken away at dusk and replaced with something sinister. As the colours drained away the swings became a gallows. There was no sound other than the crickets, no bird song or baying dogs. Every rustle of the leaves foretold of danger, and even the sound of a twig snap beneath my feet made my pulse thump in my ears. He followed behind me smiling as if it was a game and it was funny i looked at him he was way taller than me, now he used to be smaller, then the memories came and the tears too.

It is my tears that keep my soul alive in the furnace of this pain. They cannot extinguish what has been, yet only carry me forward until a time comes when that searing pain is distant enough to forget more than remember, and maybe one day erase itself from my brain. So perhaps it may be an oddity to thank my tears and be proud to cry, yet if that's what saves me from becoming a monster, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow, then crying is the smartest thing I can do.

I hit him, pushed him, while crying and, he just stood there his head down a frown on his face. I ran, as he screamed,'' wait Dream, wait!'' I blocked out what he was saying, but he caught up with me and held my hand while his dog, sniffled on my shoes. We walked back into the park, silence filled the dark air until he broke the silence,'' Hey, i know what happened was bad but i stopped talking to you for a reason, you changed from, a vibrant girl with a beautiful smile, that lit up my world, then we started school i couldn't even recognise you until you smiled at me, and then i got caught up in other stuff.'' he explained. I pursed my lips, trying to process everything.'' oh yeah i rarely go to parties, but hey let's restart see you there on Monday Dream, i won't take no for an answer.'' he walked off smirking with his dog at his heels.

i walked down to the corner shop, that me and Jazlyn always went to and then i saw someone, my brain recognise the face the hair the necklace she wore i was wearing it too, it was her i was sure, my brain hit replay on the words she said. I put my hood but she saw the necklace dangling, she gasped yelling,'' Is that you Dream!'' I turned round running, but she started running till she took the hood of my head, then a disgusted look appeared on her face,'' What have i done to you, you look terrible!'' My eyes brimmed with tears, and then she hugged me I forced myself to push away from her grip, but i hugged her back feeling at ease.

Jazlyn was staying in town for a week, she had said, and then the conversation that I didn't want to talk about happened,'' Hey, Dream you know i'm not angry anymore, it happened ages ago, i was harsh on you I was jealous, but don't punish yourself like this, you look like the devil in disguise, no offence though.'' I replied saying,'' You left how am i supposed to forget and get over it.''

she looked at the time then said,'' Look, I have to go, but meet me at town centre at 1:00pm we are going to get you clothes and makeup and hair dye, you look a mess!'' she ran off leaving me again once again...

I walked home trying not smile and I went straight to bed filled with eager for tomorrow, should I tell her about the party, probably, then I dozed off. The rambunctious blaring of the small alarm clock jarred me out of my peaceful sleep and I jolted up, smashing the snooze button as hard as I possibly could. It was 12:30 already! I wore the first clothing I saw and tied my hair into a bun.

I took the bus to downtown Aylesbury, meeting Jazlyn and Ceaser there, they were both talking and when i got there, Shali was there smiling, she looked at me and said,'' Hey Dream i'm sorry for last week, It was the memories.'' i replied saying,'' It's okay we are here together now, right?'' Then an arm touched me and Shali's it was Jackie! We all hugged her tightly. They hollered me into so many stores and I came out looking vibrant and merry again, my Hair wavy and light brown my clothing mint green and yellow, but the best thing that finished my outfit was my smile.

We didn't go the party but we did something way better we spent the week hanging with each other and, then Ceaser kissed me again, I wanted to push away, but I didn't this time I didn't regret it and i don't think he did either until... Jazlyn got a call and ran off without a goodbye and the song started to play in the shop we were in (workout by J Cole), it felt like it was happening all over again, but when i got outside, there was no trace of her, as if she was never here.

I ran off letting the tears take over me, leaving Cease, Jackie and Shali chasing after me. Ceaser hugged me but he pulled away realising he was at fault. Instead I hugged them all. Jackie had to leave the next day and Jazlyn had sent an email explaining her sudden leave. This time Shali promised to always talk to me and Ceaser you could say we were a thing and Ceaser and me both made a change, I began to wear and look and act more vibrant, and he stopped all the gang stuff, we weren't the best couple, but you can say we were always there for each other, and for the song workout by J Cole the song still worries me but hopefully i'll get used to it right?