A New Life

TW: Physical and Sexual violence, Suicide.

Splash. Oh My God, I’m drenched. I start to shiver --- where’d that water come from? Wait the light… huh? What is this? My hands are chained and the light extends to create a sphere around me. I don’t understand…what’s going on here. Thud, that sounds like a…a bucket, I think. Splash. Oh wow, now that’s cold.

Nervously I ask, “Who's there?”

“Good, it seems I have your attention.”

“Who are you? Why am I chained? Where is this?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Why don’t you let your eyes adjust? I’ll be back.”

I think I recognize the voice but I’m not sure. It’s a girl for sure though. Thud, sounds like another bucket. I get ready to be hit again but it doesn’t come. Looking at the floor, it’s concrete – the water drains somewhere but I don’t see an opening. I can hear her shoes scuffing as she walks, it reminds me of me. Hmm, she stopped, I can hear the jingle of keys. Is there a door there? Uhhh, damn the light – that’s bright.

“I’ll be back in a few hours. I have some questions you need to answer Miranda.”

I can see her silhouette against the light. How does she know my name? I try to stand but that’s a no, this chain isn’t that long but these cuffs are digging in at the slightest pressure. Just great. My dress is wet and the air is chilly – with my luck I’ll probably catch a cold before the day’s end. Not like I even know the time though. Might as well try and get comfortable.

Bang. What…what was that?

“Enjoying your beauty sleep, hmm?”

“L-l-listen… you… got the wrong person, okay.”

“Really… how do you know that?” she asks sarcastically.

The light isn’t as hard on me as before but I can only see a silhouette. Is she human? She seems to be wearing a school uniform I think. Now she’s walking towards me slowly, each step weighs on me. Her hand extends towards me, her skin a pale white. Even as she lifts my head and gently caresses my face all I can make out is a smile and her eyes – light blue with a hint of green… How though?

“Miranda…”, that’s all I hear before. Smack, my head’s tilted and my cheek’s throbbing.

“Do you still think I have the wrong person?”

Panicking I reply, “You know you didn’t have to-“

Smack, smack, smack, smack.

Abruptly I respond, “Okay, okay I get it you… bitch”. That didn’t go over well. Now my hands are over my head. It hurts and now I feel the heat from my own blood flowing down my arms.

“I’m sorry-I’m sorry, please-“

“Please, please, Miranda… I was being nice… Should I be nice?”

“I’m sorry-I’m sorry, please put me down.”

“... Fine, now are you ready to answer my questions?”

“…. Yes”, I reply exasperatedly.

She smiles devilishly. Damn I need to get some treatment. Let’s hope I get out of here quickly.

“Now, Miranda.”

“Yes”

“First question. Why did you try to kill Peter?”

“… Peter?”

“You remember Peter don’t you?

“No… who's Peter?”

Ahhh, my hair. This bitch, who's Peter and why should I remember him anyway… She releases for some reason.

“What was that for?”

“Miranda, you need to focus… Your life’s on the line here, if you haven’t realized.”

“I-I don’t-“

I slump over from a sudden pain in my stomach.

“Please, I-“

Now I see why I felt pain, as this bitch kicks me again. Ha ha, what is all this? I was… I was… What was I-

“Miranda focus”, she demands, snapping her fingers at me. “Why did you try to kill Peter?”, she repeats. It’s coming back now, that damn party and Pete. I thought he was a good guy but I was wrong. I can feel myself grinning, funny right?

“It’s too bad he didn’t die. He got what he deserved.”

“So, you’re proud of yourself?”

“Why not?”

“… He’s home with his family and where are you?”

Wait what…I scream frantically, “Where am I? Who are you?” She smiles at me menacingly and puts a finger on her mouth. Shush, she wants me to shush…then…then-

Before I could finish my thought, I’m doubled over again. Out of breath, I watch as she leaves again.

“Miranda, I suggest you think about what’s happening here. Don’t get any bright ideas”. Smiling menacingly again she continues, “No one… No one is coming to save you.” The door closes, this room seems to be embracing me. Maybe I should just accept this fate. At least the water dried up.

I dozed off… I don’t know for how long. I must have been tired cause I didn’t hear the door this time. I woke to scraping. The sound got closer and closer as I try to open my eyes, guess I was tired.

“Good morning, Miranda.”

“… What? Yeah, morning”

“Miranda-“

“Sorry, good morning.”

“That’s much better. Now where did we leave off yesterday?”

I don't have a name for her and I doubt she'd tell me anyway. She always positions herself outside of the light around me. Now she seems to have brought a chair. She takes a seat, I guess this is going to be a long session..

"Now Miranda, why'd you try to kill Peter?"

"... He…he tried…tried to rape me."

"Really now", she sounds unsurprised more like she's mocking me.

"You think this-", she places her finger on her mouth.

"You know that's not true."

"How? You think I go around spreading my legs or something?"

"Don't you?"

"Go to hell bitch"

Getting up she walks around me, my heart races.

"How's your heart?"

"... What-what? It's fine."

"Hmm, you sure?"

"What… What do you want from me?"

"Have you ever heard the saying, 'The truth will set you free'?"

"I-I told you the truth."

“Didn’t you like Peter? When he invited you to the bedroom. What did you think would happen?”

I can’t deny that. It doesn’t matter if I try to, we went to a bedroom in a house that neither of us lived in. Anybody would think we went to have a little fun.

"Hmm, let's move on."

"..."

“Do you remember Anna?”

“Of course, she invited me to the party?”

“So she helped you get together with Peter?”

“... No, she’s…”

“She’s, what Miranda?”

“I thought she was my friend.”

A friend huh. Going to that school was my tragedy. She was nice, I thought… I thought… haha I thought she was my friend. That night showed me just how misguided I was.

“Friends, come and go… That’s a fact of life isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it is. Tell me, what kind of woman is your mother?"

My mom. She raised me alone – I can’t imagine what it must have been like. She tried to give me the opportunities she didn’t have and I-I-

Yanking my hair she repeats, "What kind of woman is your mother?".

"My mom's a good woman. She raised me."

"You're funny, you know that."

What?

"Your mother's a good woman huh?", releasing my hair she continues. "Why not great?".

"..."

"The fact of her raising you on her own. Shouldn't that make her great?"

"Y-yes-yes it does", my voice shaking slightly.

“Really… you don’t believe that. Do you?”

Who is she? My mom was-is a great woman. Why wouldn’t I think she was-is? I look up at this girl, her eyes show pity. Pity… is she pitying me?

“Miranda, what do you really think of your mother?”

“...”

“What-what do you mean?”

“Think on it. I’ll be back.”

What was that? She seemed… to care. My mom’s a great woman so… Ha-ha is it cold or something, I mean… Why… Why are my hands shaking? Why? Mom…Thud.

How long was I out? Clank. Huh…, why are my feet chained? Clank, clank.What is this? Creeaak, the door, she must be here again.

“Why are my feet chained? Wait… who… who are you?”

“What’s the matter Miranda?”

“Where’s the girl from before?”, this lady in a suit sits in the chair, wagging her heels at me.

“... Enough wasting time. What do you really think of your mother?”

“I already…”

Why’s my heart thumping so much? Mom… Why does it hurt when I try to remember you?

This cold room seems more like a place of solitude to me now. It’s weird though, that woman comes and asks me about you but all I feel is pain. Although I seem to sleep, that’s all I do besides waking. When was the last time I ate and what about my injuries? The chains seem a bit longer though, why? Just what is this place?

Today or whenever, there seems to be a change. The new lady seems irritated, it just feels that way for some reason.

“Miranda… We’ve been at this for a while now. I’ve yet to get an answer to my question. And frankly it’s time to end this politeness.”

What? She snaps her finger and the door opens. Standing there are one, two, three, four men. They seem well dressed, like businessmen. 

“Now, Miranda. You should know the question by now. Give me an answer or these men will gladly help you remember.”

I’m hyperventilating but nothing comes to mind. What do you want from me?

“What do you want from me?”, I scream. Shaking her head she turns and leaves. No-no-no, I’d rather die. That’s it, I’ll bite my tongue. Yes-yes, that’s it.

What happened? Ahh, my head. As I go to touch my forehead I notice my dress… it’s ripped. My body’s bruised all over. Oh, my God…

“Good morning, Miranda.”

“...”

“The men send their thanks. They say you were ravishing yesterday.”

“...”

“They are very eager to have another taste.”

“Stop-stop it. I-I-”

“What… are you crying? Really, where all adults here aren’t we. Sex is just a gratifying sensation we all need.”

I stutter at her words. I’ve been violated.

“Back to topic. Miranda, what do you think about your mother?”

“... She’s a bitch like you”, what am I saying right now.

“Hmm, do tell. Why do you think that?”

“No-no my mother… She… she… Why mother, why?”I began sobbing uncontrollably. Yeah, my mother, she… she failed me. She thought it’d have been best if Peter did succeed in raping me. Why’d I forget such a thing?

“It seems you remember. Now tell me, what do you think of your mother?”

I calm down and respond, “She’s a bitch for wishing I’d have gotten raped.”

“Excellent, excellent, progress finally.”

“Like her and Pete, I wish you’d die as well.”

“Oh my, how violent. Here I thought you were a good girl.”

“What do you want from me?”

“... That’s simple, tell me what I want to know and you’re free.”

“...”

“That look tells me you’re unconvinced.”

“You and the girl seem to know the answer to your questions so why ask?”

“Really now, what do you mean?”

“What do you want from me?”

She looks puzzled, yet I catch a glimpse of a smile on her face as she turns and leaves. What is this place? Why must I go through this? Wasn’t I going to kill myself? So why didn’t I? Why can’t I remember…what they…what they… My body aches especially… God why don’t you just kill me? I think that would be the best outcome.

Bound in an unknown place. You’d think death would be my friend but even he eludes me. Sleep is my only friend. Pray for death – let my eyes close to never wake again. If only God would answer me, I’d be relieved.

“Are you awake my dear?”

What… What is this? My body feels heavy. 

“Are we awake, Miranda?”

“Who are you?”

“... No point to asking that question, now is there?”, sitting in the chair now is an older lady.

“What do you want from me?”

“The same as usual I see.”

What… I’ve never talked to this lady. More like the others probably told her about me. Nevertheless she speaks like she knows me. Like we’ve spoken before.

“Here’s one last question, Miranda. Answer this and you're free.”

“Free?”

“Yes free, though… you answer wrong and death awakes. There are no second chances.”

“... What’s the question?”

“Can you forgive them?”

“Who?”

“Peter, Anna, your mother even. Can you forgive anyone involved with what happened to you?

Is this a joke? Forgive, forgive… I turned to a life of prostitution cause no one wanted me. The one person I thought would have supported me, turned their back on me. Forgive… forgive… What’s there to forgive?

“You guys are funny?”

“...”

“You wanted to know why I tried to kill Pete. You mention that bitch who I thought was my friend. You even bring my mother into this. Now you ask about forgiveness… Why should I forgive any of them? Look at my life.”

“... I never said you should forgive them. Only if you would?”

“...”

“At the end of the day, it matters not. When you're ready to answer, call me?”

Lost in thought I realize she said call her… I don’t know her name so how am I going to call her? Not like it matters, I don’t have an answer to her question. I mean the answer is obvious, isn’t it? Why should I forgive those who betrayed me? In fact, why don’t they just die? I feel a smile creep up my face, as I think about attending their funeral. Oh, the joy that would be.

Hahahaha, haa, haa, haaaa. Dead, do I really want them dead? Will it change anything? Not like I’m getting out of here. I can’t trust those bitches, I can’t. 

Did I nod off again? Ahh, what… my whole body aches. What is this? Huh, bandages, why’s my arm… my legs… even my head. What’s going on? This is funny, I'm bandaged, yet they still have me chained. Haha… I must be a threat.

Still this is weird. How? I mean… how could I sleep through whatever they did to me to have to bandage me up like this. I guess it’ll be time soon. Time to say goodbye to this world. This cold floor is nice. This solitude is nice. It seems to take the pain away. Yes, let it go. Let it all go.

“Miranda, Miranda.”

Huh, why’s she here?

“Do you have an answer to my question?” she seems pained, why? There’s no point to answer, she’ll go away on her own. “Have you given up? Given up on life?”.

“What use is there? It’s not like you’ll let me go, is it?”

“... How’d you get hurt?”

“Funny, funny, you guys did this to me.”

“... Miranda, I assure you we didn’t?”

“Yeah right. Like the girl who beat me or the whore who had me raped. You think I’m going to believe you.”

“...”

“Well, answer me.”

Why doesn’t she answer me? Why is she so sad? Why am I… sad?

“Call me when you're ready to answer… Miranda.”

I don’t know your name bitch. Heavy breathing. What is this? She expects me to believe that? Look at me, look at me.

If they didn’t then how? How? Ahhh, damn my body’s aches from the pain. Why’d she have to come and make me remember? Tch…

Knock, knock. "Miranda, baby... I know we haven't seen eye to eye for a while but I need to talk to you". "Mom" she begins to cry. Her mother opens the door, "Baby, I... I..." Josephine is transfixed on the nude image of her daughter in front of her. "Mom..., it's too late" she cries as she jumps out the window.

What the hell was that? Why is that girl named Miranda and why… Her mother, Josephine… my… mother. What? Wait, wait, wait… is that me? I committed… suicide. Then where, where is this?

That first girl, that lady and now this older woman… Are they me? Is that it? The change in length of these chains, me in a dress now bandaged up. This, this is all in my head. What? Why? Didn't I commit suicide? Am I dead? No-no-no that can’t be. I’m here… I’m here in my own head, right? Then I’m alive… aren’t I?

“Miranda, Miranda.”

The door opens. 

“You called?”

“Let me out of here, NOW.”

“Do you have an answer for my question?”

“Forget your question. You’re only a figment of my imagination. Nothing more.”

“Is that what you believe?”

“Yes, so let me out.”

“Please only call when you have an answer to my question.”

She turns and leaves.

Can I forgive them? That’s the question. Fine, let’s see. Pete tried to rape me but I was naive in following him to a bedroom, still that does absolve from what he tried to do. Anna helped set me up though she denied it. It’s a fact that she didn’t help me and never tried to contact me after that night. And my mother, yeah wishing I’d have just let him do it. Why, why would you wish that? On your own daughter no less.

I can’t understand… no I’ve never tried to understand. Instead I threw everything away… everything. I thought having sex was the answer. So I dived into it and never looked back. Till I realized I was still hurt, hurt by my mother’s words, hurt by the betrayal of a friend, hurt by love. Haha, funny how things work. Pete's alive, Anna's alive, my mom’s alive and I’ve taken my own life. Funny isn’t it.

The door opens and I see the girl, the lady and the older woman standing there. “You know my answer don’t you”, I state. They simply nod and step aside. The chains binding me are gone, so are my bandages. I’m naked, yet comfortable. It’s a new day and finally I walk out into the light to start my life anew.