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January 1st
As the final fireworks of New Year’s Eve toppled over into New Year’s Day; Rosemary, Samantha and Julia poured another glass of bubbly, toasting to the year ahead.
“What are your New Year’s Resolutions?” giggled Rosemary, tipping her drink in her lap. She was significantly drunk, but that didn’t stop her.
“The same as they are every year”, announced Julia, “find a first edition of Pride and Prejudice, and become unbelievably rich – and stop biting my nails – that’s been the same since I was 13.”
Samantha rolled her eyes “Come onnnnnnnn Julia, make some real resolutions for once!”
“Yeah! Don’t you want to find love or something?” piped Rosemary
“Nah, I’m good” said Julia shrugging
Samantha looked at the others then sighed, as if she’d been waiting all evening for her chance to speak,
“Well, this year I am going to take control of my life, declutter, starting with my flat, I have been thinking about it for a while actually, and New Year, New Me is the perfect time to get rid of all the junk that has been sitting in my life for so long”
She took a deep breath, placing out her hands in an important way,
“I even bought a book, Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It’s meant to help you gain control of your space and all that crap; help you gain perspective on your life”
Rosemary threw herself at Samantha so quickly that she sloshed sparkling wine all over Julia,
“Omg Sam, this is such an amazing idea! I think I might do this too; you know.” She placed her hand on her heart and looked at the candle that was nearly burnt out,
“But I don’t want any book or anything, no offence, I am just going to take a holistic approach. Just get rid of the things in my life that feel bad, and hold onto everything that feels good”
“Whatever works best for you darling – we can do this!”
“Oh no” thought Julia “More New Year’s Resolutions; every year, the other two make terrible resolutions and I have to pick up the pieces when things go wrong…”
What could possibly go wrong this year?
January 3rd
Julia arrived at Samantha’s apartment at 11am for their usual morning coffee and catch up to find it completely changed. Her bookshelves were bare other than a few children’s books, some how-to guides, two novels, a travel guide and a map of the city they lived in. There was only one picture of graduation and one of her family, as opposed to the usual flurry of artwork on the walls. This didn’t look like her apartment at all.
“Sam, where’s all your stuff?”
“I have minimised, I was going to ask you if you wanted any of these books” Samantha gestured to the overflowing box of books that Julia hadn’t noticed when she came in.
“Have you done the same with your clothes per chance?” she asked warily
“Why yes I have actually! It was very liberating, I now have a capsule wardrobe, like the French, I read that in another very useful how-to guide. Would you like to borrow it?” she waved a book called Parisian Chic in Julia’s face enthusiastically.
“No, no, I am fine thanks. Sam, aren’t you a little bit concerned that you’re taking this decluttering thing a bit far? I mean, you’ve gotten rid of half of your stuff!”
Samantha pursed her lips, “It is a New Year, and a New Me. I want to declutter everything and become someone better, someone who doesn’t get taken in by silly boys who break their hearts, or make silly mistakes… or… or… NEW YEAR NEW ME”
“OKAY” hissed Julia
They drank their coffee and discussed the latest episodes of Got Talent. They both agreed that the dog is the best contestant.
On the way out, Julia took all the boxes of books and clothes, just in case Samantha changed her mind.
January 4th
After the debacle with Samantha, Julia decided to check up on Rosemary and see if she too was continuing with her New Year’s Resolution to “declutter”. If she was, what was Julia to do? If not, then maybe she would help Julia intervene with Samantha…
Rosemary, it turned out, was decluttering. But very differently to Samantha.
She answered the door to Julia in the nude, holding a glass of Prosecco, embracing Julia in a tipsy cuddle,
“Julia, darling welcome, I have made my home a home of joy! No more bad things”.
The refrigerator contained nothing but chocolate, ice cream, and lots of alcohol, while her wardrobe looked like Nicole Kidman’s in Moulin Rouge – fabulous but not great for everyday wear!
“Why are my friends so eccentric?” Julia thought to herself seeing the mess.
“Where’s the rest of your stuff? You haven’t thrown it all, away have you?” Julia asked, she hadn’t seen any sign of a bin bag anywhere.
“Everything that doesn’t give me happiness I put in the back bedroom” Rosemary said nonchalantly. She was now dancing around the living room to Cher.
The back bedroom was full to the brim with everything from food to clothes. It was a paradise for hoarders. And rats, most likely.
Julia didn’t need Rosemary’s help with Samantha, it was the opposite, she needed Samantha’s help with Rosemary. So, she called her.
“Sam, it’s Julia, I’m at Rosemary’s, she’s taken this decluttering thing too far. She’s thrown everything that doesn’t make her happy into her back bedroom, food, clothes, you name it. I think she’s drunk, she’s just walking around naked…. No don’t say she wasn’t decluttering, this is her idea of decluttering, and you’re the one who put the idea in her head… I need your help…”
Julia waited for a minute; she knew Samantha was angry.
“Ok I’ll come”
3 Hours Later
It was clear to Julia that Samantha hadn’t understood the full scale of Rosemary’s “decluttering” until she got there. She freaked out and went into full clean mode. Rosemary had to be sobered up and told what the situation was. It didn’t go well. She wanted to help and kept getting in the way. Samantha finally had her house looking clean, tidy and organised after 3 hours.
Then the tears came.
“I’m so sorry!” Rosemary blubbered, “I just wanted to be happy, after not getting that role, I felt like this was my safe space, but it didn’t feel safe, so I wanted to reinvent it, and your idea of decluttering sounded so nice”, she looked at Samantha
Samantha started crying too “I’m sorry too, I wanted to become a strong independent woman who didn’t need a man! I wanted to prove it by recreating myself and my life! But I just made a train wreck and threw out all my possessions in the process. Now I’m alone and I have no things”
They both cried and hugged each other.
Julia stared at them both!
“This is why I HATE New Year’s Resolutions! It is a nightmare! Every single year, a crisis. Please will you stop with the New Year’s Resolutions!!”
Julia put her hands in her face then looked at them both again.
“Rosemary, you already have an amazing home that us your safe space, and you will get a role. You don’t need to worry. The right role will come along. You don’t need to drink away your sorrows or pretend to be anything else”
Rosemary cried a bit more through the smiles
“Sam, you silly egg, you’re already a strong independent woman. That guy, we will not speak his name, he broke your heart. You don’t need him. You don’t need to change because of that guy. You already have everything. Plus, I saved all your stuff from the rubbish, so you still have your possessions, they’re at my place. Stop trying to change yourself. You’re both perfect.”
“Why are you so great Julia?” hiccoughed Samantha through tears
“I don’t know, because I gave up trying to change myself years ago?”
“What would we do without you?” asked Rosemary
“More dumbass resolutions probably” laughed Julia
“Probably”.
The End
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