Good Luck Rubbing Off

Sara Windermere had never won anything in her entire life despite entering hundreds of contests and buying thousands of dollars worth of lottery tickets.  She always said that only her name could be in a hat for a prize and she would still lose.

She had gone out and acquired everything known to humankind to change her luck including a real four leaf clover, which she had spent hours looking for and had received a nasty sunburn. She had also purchased several rabbit’s feet, a gold-plated horseshoe hung on her wall right side up, and even had a tankful of ladybugs.

But, none of it worked.

She used to walk around with a penny that she had found and placed it in her shoe.  Eventually, all the penny did was give her a sore foot.

She had spent a small fortune on all types of good luck charms that included unicorns, rabbits, hearts, stars and everything else under the sun.  She had over a thousand such pendants and it was quite the breathtaking collection.

But, none of it worked.

Once, she was walking down a downtown street and a car lost its rear right wheel and skidded on the sidewalk striking her. She was in the hospital for several weeks.

Another time, she was at the mall in the restroom when a python on the loose had worked its way up the pipping system and startled her half to death.  She made the six o’clock news in a way she didn’t want to.

Another time, she went skiing with friends and going down hill, her right sky broke and Sara went tumbling down and broke a collarbone.  

Once, she was driving through a friend’s cabin and a tree fell on her car. Later, a really bright mathematician buddy figured it out and the odds of it happening were one in three and a half billion.

There was nothing that Sara could do to change her luck.

She had tried sewing good luck charms on her underwear. She had tried good luck earrings and even a horseshoe tattoo.  

But, none of it worked.

She then decided to carry a pair of dice around and every time there was a decision to make, Sara rolled the die.

So, she was driving down the road a little too fast and was pulled over. She rolled the dice to flirt or not to flirt with the cop. The dice rolled in favour of heavy and sexy sweet talk.

The officer was female. Sara wasn’t sure about this, but had vowed to do whatever way the dice rolled.

“Hello, officer, how are you?”

She flashed her dark eyes and winked and even had unbuttoned the top button of her blouse.

Officer Jennifer Clark was a lesbian. She was married and was completely insulted with Sara’s attempt to get out of the ticket. Instead, the poor girl was changed with every offence that the policewoman could find and there were quite a few.

Sara just didn’t have any luck. Once, she had gone to a job interview and her resume was very impressive. She was having such a great time and the job was hers; she could feel it in her grasp. And, then she farted. It was loud, intrusive and completely embarrassing.

The interview went on and the interviewer didn’t even flinch. Then, it was over and Sara shook her hand and moved on. 

She didn’t get the job.  

A few months later, Sara was at a restaurant and bumped into the woman who had conducted the interview. The woman was with her husband and whispered something in his ear and the two of them laughed hysterically drawing all kinds of stares.  

Sara ran out of the restaurant and into a city sign cutting her head open for three stitches.  

One day, she was a friend’s farm and had to go to the bathroom. The indoor plumbing didn’t work so she went outside. A storm was brewing and while in the outhouse a stroke of lightning lit the outhouse on fire. She barely managed to get out alive.

One day, she was walking back from lunch to the office and stepped on a piece of gum.  It was very sticky and her shoe stayed put while she tumbled forward and dislocated her knee on the hard cement.

Sara was in a desperate funk. Everything she had ever tried to change her luck had never worked. Now, she was depressed and just wanted to climb underneath a rock and hide there forever.

“I am the unluckiest person in the whole world.”

One day, she was watching TV with nothing else better to do. She was supposed to go to see this really great friend who was setting Sara up with a really cute guy, but the friend had come down with a bad cold. That night, the guy met the girl of his dreams.

On TV was a documentary on the unluckiest person in the world.  He made Sara look like the luckiest person in the world. The guy had been abandoned as a child and had struggled and worked for whatever few life comforts he managed to achieve. His life story was gut-wrenching.

“I have to meet him.”

She found out where he lived and managed to get a phone number.  She called him and set up a meeting.

Sara was really nervous about everything and on the way there had a flat tire. She managed to show up a couple of hours late.

His name was Bert Tate.

“Sorry, I am late, but I had a flat tire.”

He laughed.  

“That’s okay, you are unlucky like me.”

For the next couple of hours they exchanged bad luck stories and laughed and laughed.  He was an older man and they had one thing in common; both were very unlucky.

He showed her his massive collection of lucky charms that he had gathered in order to change his luck, but none of it had ever worked.

In the end, before she left, she looked at him and smiled.

“I have a theory.”

“What is it?”

“Well, if two people that have been totally unlucky their whole lives were to shake hands, maybe their luck would change forever? What do you think?”

Bert nodded his head and smiled.  

“Well, I have tried everything else. Why not?”

So, they stood up and shook hands.  

“Maybe shaking hands isn’t enough. How about we hug what do you think? Now, I’m not trying to be a dirty old man. Just a simple embrace between two people who are very unlucky.”

“Sure, why not?” Sara smiled.

They hugged for a full thirty-seconds before they let go.

“Good luck, Sara, go out there and change your luck.”

“You as well, Bert.”

The next day, Sara found a hundred dollars. She won a thousand dollars on a scratch ticket, got a promotion at work that had already been awarded. But, the person had quit and she got it. She bumped into a very nice looking and generally sweet guy. He asked her on a date.

She couldn’t believe it and thought maybe things were turning around for her.

For the next week, nothing really bad happened to her. She didn’t chip a tooth on a frozen popsicle, didn’t break a heel on her shoe, didn’t lose her keys or money, didn’t get caught in the rain without an umbrella, didn’t have an umbrella break on her during a rain. Everything went her way.

She had no car problems, didn’t have a snake try to bit her at a public restroom, didn’t have a car skid off the road and nearly kill her.  

She was at home making supper when the phone rang. She reached for her cell phone.

“Hello, Sara speaking, who is this?”

“This is Bert Tate. It worked. I won the lottery.”

“Bert that is great.”

“It sure is because I am giving you half.”

Her half of the amount was a little over ten million dollars.

She quit her job and went on a national tour speaking on how to change your luck.  She wrote a book and became a celebrity.  From that point on, Bert and Sara took a vacation together twice a year.

“From now on, I call you lucky Bert.”

“And, from now on, I call you lucky Sara.”

They laughed and clung their glasses together sipping on their cool, fancy drinks looking out at the ocean from their veranda of their condo at the very posh resort.