Collision Course

“This was not how I saw the day going.” Kasey slumped forward, pressing her face into her palms. The smell of day-old coffee lingered on her breath as the morning replayed in her mind. “She’ll never forgive me,” her shoulders rose with a heavy breath. “Why did you let this happen? Why?”

“Savannah knew this was something I never wanted. It was all for her, I’d said it a million times—maybe more. I asked before we ever thought about getting serious. Eleven years is quite the age gap, especially when one woman is 41 and the other is barely 30."

“I never saw myself as a parent, sacrificing sleep, changing diapers, or wiping snotty noses. Hell, that’s a lifetime responsibility. One, I was adamant that I didn't want to make. Savannah agreed, for the most part. I’m still young, that’s what she said. A baby isn’t even on my radar. Then she turned 32, and the clock started ticking. The damn thing must have been non-stop loud because every conversation turned to babies. I even started working late just to avoid the repeated arguments. All until that one day when it seemed like the most important thing in the world."

“Make me a Mom she said. Please do this for me. I don’t ask for much, and there isn’t a lot of time left. Not for a healthy pregnancy. She’d be 35 in less than three years, and then we’d have to worry about Down’s. She was sad and beautiful all at the same time. How could I refuse? And we both knew damn well there was no possible way I could make a baby. All the wishing in the world wouldn’t make that happen. So sure, why not?”

“I didn’t know she had a plan. Hell, I didn't realize that having a baby was even that important to her. But it must have been. She’d registered with some online company, like Baby's Are Us, or something, and bought a kit. Everything you needed to make a kid. Ugh,” Kasey shuddered. “It was all pretty disgusting, actually. Well, I had a few drinks, and thank god,” she glanced up. “It didn’t take. At least we tried, thought, right? Wrong. Savannah became more insistent, and since our first try failed, I assumed they all would, which they did. But we’d put forth the effort. A whole year and loads of money.”

“I guess that’s when she got disparate. The fighting was unreal. She was always nagging me to pick out names. It was nonstop. That’s why I didn’t mind when she started going out alone or spending more time with friends. She was out of the house, and there was no way for any idle chit-chat to turn full-blown baby convo. Not with her gone. But that’s when she met him, at a bar after one of our fights. It was a massive one. She’d called me selfish,” Kasey sighed, “imagine me selfish. It stung a little; there might have been some truth in those words.”

“She didn’t tell me for a while. Hell, I spent a week thinking that she had food poisoning. But she knew differently. Savannah had gained a few pounds, but honestly, it looked good on her. She was glowing, the happiest I’d seen her in months. Maybe that’s what gave her the courage. We were snuggled on the couch, it was getting late, and we both had work the next morning. I’d stood up to stretch, my mouth was mid-yawn, when she said it. Pregnant. I thought I’d heard her wrong, but she’d looked me square in the eye, waiting for a response. That’s not funny, I said. We’d talked about getting a puppy, so when she said I’m not joking all I could do was hope there was a puppy in a box hiding around the corner. But there wasn’t.”

“She’d cheated on me. Made a baby behind my back,” Kasey shook her head, “with a total stranger. Some random guy she met at a bar. She only knew his first name, but he’d served his purpose. He’d never know, didn’t need to. It was our baby, she said. Humm, our baby. The one I’d just heard about. Those next few months were hard, I won't lie. That little bump grew. It had a photo shoot and pictures that hung on the fridge. Savannah called it Bean. She was so into the whole Mommy thing, it was kinda cute. Just never grew on me. Still, we were getting along better than ever before the accident. She’d just put her hand on top of mine when the semi I never saw coming ran the red light and plowed into us. Why, why the passenger side? Kasey’s fingers traced the line of stitches above her eye before blotting away the tears burning the gash in the corner of her mouth. She felt a warmth on her shoulder, a hand from the nurse she hadn’t noticed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was here. I was just talking, reasoning. I mean, it’s a chapel, people do that right?”

Kasey had nearly forgotten the cast until she tried to stand. Her whole body was this strange kind of numb. Lucky, they’d called her. Only a broken leg, some gashes and bruises from the airbag, and broken glass. Wait, what was the nurse saying? It was hard to be sure; everything was such a blur. “Savannah’s awake, I can finally see her.” They’d removed her spleen and stopped the bleeding. She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but now that the baby wasn't an issue, she’d get stronger.

“I chose her when they asked me who to save. I never wanted the baby; I only went along with it because life without the woman I love would be unbearable. That’s why I chose her. Selfish, maybe, but I’d choose her again and again, if I had to. It’s a shame she’ll never understand. But that’s nothing I didn’t already know.”