The Elephant Cafe

Martin walked along George IV Bridge in Edinburgh's Old Town and stopped across the road from the Elephant House cafe to take it in. Its pillar box red fascia and gold lettering above the entrance captured an enticing warmth before entering into the cosy turmeric-coloured interior to meet Craig for another caffeine-fuelled film critique.

It had been a big year for movies - Forrest Gump had swept the Oscars when a masterpiece in Pulp Fiction had been largely overlooked despite two Oscar-worthy lead actors and up against a larger production which Tarantino himself would've labelled 'coffee table dogshit'.

And then there was the gritty , urban, earth-shatteringly brilliant 'La Haine' , a Parisien tragedy by any other name. Martin adored the edgy instability of Vincent Cassel's Vinz. The black and white footage added suspense to a decayed and fractured inner city backdrop.

'Any of you fucking pricks MOVES and I'll execute every motherfucking last one of you!' Craig called out from the couch seating at their usual spot flipping Martin a cheeky middle finger in the process. His favourite waitress must be on and he clearly wanted to impress. Martin shook his head , clearly Craig watched the movie , but thank God the cafe was empty. 'Best opening to any film in history , hey?'

'Aye , I thought Reservoir Dogs was intense , but the guys scenes are on steroids. Been absolutely hanging to talk about this film all week,' Martin said as he sat down on the couch and leaned forward on his haunches.

'Bet you have , I know which bit you liked , cowboy - you look partial to a bit of Pump Friction , yerself!' Craig sniggered idiotically and added,' I ordered two cappucino's , extra milky for you , obviously , creampuff!'

'Shut it , ya fanny. Seriously , though , how incredible is the cinematography. The whole film glows gold right throughout , the retro outfits , that fuckin soundtrack blew my mind , some of the monologues are the best ever! And , oh my God , the cast! I mean Bruce Willis is in it twenty minutes , Walken , Rhames , Stoltz , he's even in it himself!' Martin gushed.

'Samuel L. though , hey? 'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides....'

Then Martin chimed in ''.......by the inequities of the selfish , and the tyranny of evil men.' Yeah , brilliant . John Travolta , though , I've got to admit , blew me away. I thought the boy's career was over years ago.'

'I know, and they give the Oscar nod for the world's luckiest simpleton , hey? Tarantino's writing would bring any bugger back from the dead though. Except Marvin , of course , and that brings me right along to the immortal genius of Harvey Kietel , he's got some of the best lines I've ever heard in cinema.'

'If I'm curt its because time is a factor. So pretty please. With sugar on top. Clean the fuckin car,' Martin mimicked.

'Exactly. But , I suppose the big mystery is what's in the briefcase', said Craig. 'What do you reckon?'

'Another brilliant scene. Can I just say though , THAT is how you rob a cafe!' Martin declared as the waitress came over with a tray , lifted each coffee onto the table and said ,'I hope you guys aren't planning anything dodgy?'

Martin spluttered , 'Oh no , nothing like that , we were talking about Pulp Fiction'

'Have you seen it? We were just speculating what's in the briefcase' , Craig posed , smiling as he leaned back in the sofa , admiring the pretty waitresses slim figure as she stood , coyly thinking over her answer.

"I haven't seen it , been a bit preoccupied lately ,' she said.

'Maybe I could take you to see it?' Martin said ,'If, you know , your not busy,' he added nervously. Martin knew it was still running three times daily at the Filmhouse and had a 'contact' who could get discount (free!) tickets.

'Calm down , cowboy! Jo , this is Martin , Martin meet Jo. Jo , if anyone is taking you to Pulp Fiction , its me. Besides , this guys bats for the other team!'

'Shut it , Craigy boy , before you need a straw for that coffee!' Martin fired back. Jo smiled , seemingly enjoying the duel for her attention.

'Ach , I'm off for a slash. Jo , why don't you tell Martin about ' Lord of the Bum Rings?' as he squeezed past Jo and Martin glared at another homophobic dig.

'Honestly , can't a girl have an imagination in this town?' said Jo.

'Dreaming about me with my dick out , again Jo?' Martin winked as he back into the gents bathroom door.

'What's he talking about anyway? The Lord of the Rings, thing?'

She waved her hand , censoring him , her shyness was becoming intriguing and Martin was reminded of Uma Thurman's coy little exchange when Travolta presses her about her pilot show.

'C'mon , you told my dickweed mate , but you can't tell me?'

Jo inhaled , shrugged and said,' Look , I'm writing a kids fantasy story chronicling the lives of a young wizard , Harry Potter , and his friends Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. They are students of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The main story arc is the conflict between Harry and a dark wizard , Lord Voldemort , who intends to become immortal , depose the wizard government and subjugate all , OK?'

'Wow , Jo , I love it. It sounds...really......adventurous. I've never met a writer before , I love fantasy. Big fan of 'Lord of the...' , well , you know the Tolkien stuff. Would love to read it when.....'

She scribbled on her order pad , ripped off the page and handed it to him. As he read the seven digit number she added ,' Call me. Maybe , uhm , I could show you the magic of writing,' as she turned , raised her eyebrows at him suggestively , smiling confidently now , and walked back behind the barista counter.

Craig returned from the bathroom he said ,'C'mon lets head to the pub , got to be beer o'clock. So she told you about her wizard crap , I take it? Your probably the same as me , daft fairy stories never sell , eh?'. He slipped a ten pound note under his cup and saucer ,'Better leave a tip , she might think I'm cashed up , eh , cowboy!' 

Martin stood and was entranced as the beautiful princess behind the counter waved her fingers at him like a spell.

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