Fresh Start Cake

Fresh Start Cake

Serves 6-8

I discovered this recipe by accident when I was in my early-30s. I’ve since tweaked the ingredients and steps now that I know what I’m doing. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

- A repressed queer identity. Store bought is fine, but it’s best if it is sourced from a religious upbringing.

- A husband. Doesn’t matter where you found him, his quality is irrelevant to the final product.

- A new living space. Must be as fresh as possible.

- Friends. Best if sourced from the queer community.

- A new life goal, preferably one you previously thought was unattainable or that your (now ex) husband didn’t support.

- A new piercing, new tattoos, new hair, or a new wardrobe. You could even try a new name or pronouns. Whatever you like is fine, these are final decorations for the cake.

Steps:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and spray two 8-9” baking pans with non-stick spray. Set aside.

2. The core of this recipe comes from the repressed queer identity. No matter what labels you end up with, this is the star of the show. Slowly unwrap the queer identity from its packaging and let it rest on the countertop. It should give off a distinct uplifting floral scent. Allow it to come to room temperature before proceeding.

3. In a large mixing bowl, introduce your husband to your queer identity. It can be challenging to emulsify these two components together, like mixing oil and water. Using a whisk can help.

4. Depending on your husband and the nature of your queer identity, it may be that these ingredients cannot be reconciled. This is okay! Take a large sieve or strainer and run the mixture through it. Depending on if your queerness is compatible with a male partner, your husband will be caught in the mesh and the remaining queer identity will pass through to the finished cake.

5. Gently, but firmly, release whatever is left of your husband in the strainer. If he soured the queer identity or treated you poorly in any way, a quick toss into the garbage is justified. Otherwise, he can be lovingly composted and later fed to your garden.

6. You should now have a well-sifted, but potentially unsettled queer identity in the large mixing bowl. The next step is to add some things to the cake batter to help the queer identity feel safer and more accepted, especially if your husband is now your ex-husband. Crack open a fresh new living space and thoroughly incorporate it into the batter. This will help create air pockets in the queer identity where it can breathe and puff up into a beautiful, soft cake.

7. Next add your friends. New or old, it doesn’t matter. But the queerer they are, the sweeter the finished cake will be. Mix into the batter and then pour the batter into the prepared baking pans.

8. Bake the cake in the oven for 30-35 minutes, checking with a toothpick to see if it is done. The toothpick should come out with loose, moist crumbs stuck to it and awash in edible rainbow glitter.

9. Allow the cake layers to rest in their pans set atop trivets for 10 minutes, then remove them from the pans and place them on wire racks to finish cooling. The cake will cool better if you play music from queer artists like Chappell Roan, Girl In Red, Lady Gaga, or Xana.

10. While the cake layers are cooling, prepare the new life goal to frost it. This is totally up to your preference. You could start a business, go back to school, write that novel, take up a new hobby, or set out to achieve a goal like hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, running a marathon, or visiting every continent. The sky is the limit here. Don’t hold yourself back from anything you want to achieve. Whatever flavor you end up with, it will compliment the cake.

11. Assemble the cake. Place the first cake layer down on a plate and add some life goal frosting to the top. Place the second layer on top of that, then cover the entire cake with life goals. If you set out to achieve multiple life goals, you’ll have more than enough to cover the whole thing.

12. Finally, decorate the cake with whatever you like so that it truly shines. Get your septum pierced. Get a new tattoo (or five). Dye your hair or cut it short. Buy clothes that you feel truly reflect who you are. You cannot have too many rainbow garments or accessories. Flagging to other queers in the community can help everyone feel safe and accepted. There are also ways to remain stealthily queer if that’s more your cup of tea. There’s no wrong way to look queer, or to decorate your cake.

13. If your gender identity no longer aligns with who you were before you embraced your queerness, trying out a new name or pronouns is highly recommended. Even if you still identify with your gender, you can still pick out a new name that fits better and is symbolic of your fresh start. In most states, you can get your name changed when you get divorced, which kinda feels like getting a toy in a happy meal.

14. Your fresh start cake is now complete! Marvel at its beauty. Snap photos of it. Take a moment to appreciate all the experiences you had, both the good and the bad, that led you to this moment. You deserve to be celebrated for who you truly are and to live an authentic life as yourself. You’re never too old to bake this cake. Enjoy!

Recipe notes: This cake will last for a week kept covered in the fridge, that is unless you, your friends, or your new queer partner don’t eat it all before then! This cake can be adapted to suit any dietary preference, allergy, or intolerance. A one-to-one gluten-free queer identity works just fine. Vegan friends work fine as well. Leave a comment if you need additional suggestions on modifications to make this cake fit your needs. Happy baking!