Waiting for Gabby

ACT I

A hallway in a tenement flat. No windows. A tattered sofa.

MARGO is slouched on the sofa, in her pyjamas. Her trousers are rolled up at the hem, and her feet hanging over the edge of the sofa, avoiding the sticky floor. She groans and sinks a little further into the sofa cushions.

Offstage, the kettle boils. The sound of water splashing, cups clinking. Then DINARA enters, balancing two cups of tea.

Margo

That’s it. I’m dying.

Dinara

I’m starting to feel it myself. Here, tea.

Dinara holds out the tea to Margo, who doesn’t take it. Offended, Dinara places both cups of tea on the ground in front of the sofa.

Margo

The flat is a mess. I’m a mess. Life is a mess.

Dinara

You’re overreacting. [Pause.] The flat is a mess though. My toes are sticking to the floor. Is it drink or vomit?

Margo

Both.

Dinara

Both.

Margo

I don’t have the energy to tidy up.

Dinara

It’s fine. We’ll wait for Gabby to come, she can help.

Margo

Will we?

Dinara

Will we what?

Margo

Wait for Gabby?

Dinara

Sure.

Margo

The flat is disgusting. I’m disgusting.

Dinara

What they did at the party last night was disgusting.

Margo

What did they do?

Dinara

I don’t remember. I was drunk.

Margo

So was I. Aoife and Gemma weren’t, though.

Dinara

What did they do?

Margo

I don’t remember. I was drunk.

Dinara

And now we’re left to clean up after them. Why is it always us, Gogo?

Margo

I don’t know, Didi. But I know I don’t have the energy to clean up anything. Look at how many bottles there are. I don’t have the strength to take out the glass recycling.

Dinara

Gabby has a car. She’ll help.

Margo

I guess we’ll wait until she gets here, then.

Dinara

We could mop the floor until then. [She walks around the sofa] It feels like I’m walking on syrup. Ugh. What’s that smell?

Margo

Sorry.

Dinara

Gogo, that’s disgusting.

Margo

Still not as bad as you throwing up on Evan’s lap last night.

Dinara

Oh, God, don’t remind me.

Margo

Thanks for the tea. [She makes no move to pick it up.]

Dinara

You’re welcome. [She bends down to pick up her cup, then takes a sip as she continues to walk around, inspecting the damage to their flat. She kicks over a Tennent’s can, which spills stale beer over the floor. She grimaces.] We’re never hosting a party again. Hey, Gogo. Gogo!

Margo

[Snorting] What! I’m awake!

Dinara

No, you’re not.

Margo

Why can’t you just let me sleep it off?

Dinara

Because I’m bored.

Margo

I don’t feel well. Let’s clean the flat tomorrow.

Dinara

We have to do it today. My parents are coming.

Margo

Well then, you clean it.

Dinara

And clean your mess?

Margo

Call Gabby, then. Ask her when she’s coming.

Dinara

She’s coming.

Margo

But ask her when. The sooner this is over, the sooner I can go back to bed.

Dinara

I’ll ask. [She makes no moves to take out her phone. She looks towards her bedroom, offstage.] Ugh, I think someone vomited on my rug.

Margo

Or peed. Remember that?

Dinara

God, drunken people are slobs.

Margo

I know. Look at you, Didi.

Dinara

Look at you, Gogo.

Margo

We’re a right pair, aren’t we?

Dinara

No wonder we’re stuck with each other. No one else will put up with us.

Margo

I wouldn’t put up with anyone else but you, Didi.

Dinara

Then do me a favour and start cleaning, Gogo.

Margo

And waste the tea you made me? That would be rude.

Dinara

So rude. Come on. You can drink while we clean.

Margo

Okay.

Margo moves, but only to pick up her tea, and then settles back into the sofa. Dinara takes a sip from her own mug, then sits down on the sofa next to Margo. Neither of them move again.

*

ACT 2

Margo and Dinara are still sitting on the sofa, slouched much lower in their seats. They are still drinking tea, idly scrolling through social media on their phones.

Dinara

Hey, David’s coming over.

Margo

David? What about Gabby?

Dinara

Gabby will be here.

Margo

If you say so.

There’s a knock on the door, offstage. Without waiting for a reply, the door opens, and DAVID enters, closely followed by JOE, who looks beaten down and defeated.

David

Alright, lads?

Dinara

Alright.

Margo

You’re a mess.

David

You’re not looking too hot yourself.

Dinara

And what’s wrong with you, Joe? You look like you’re about to cry.

David

[Quietly, to Dinara and Margo.] He and Martin broke up at the party last night.

Margo

Oh. [Pause.] Sorry, Joey.

Dinara

That boy doesn’t know what he’s missing, Joe. You’re better than him.

David

We’re getting over it, aren’t we, Joe? Come on. I’ll put the kettle on.

Dinara

If you can find any clean cups. We ran out of glasses last night. We had to drink shots from coffee cups.

Margo

Oh, shots. I feel sick.

David

You two are disgusting. Haven’t you tidied anything yet? How long have you been sitting here?

Dinara

We’re waiting for Gabby.

Margo

She said she’d help.

David

Right, then. Tea, Joe?

Joe is silent, just collapses onto the sofa between Dinara and Margo. David walks offstage towards the kitchen.

Dinara

You can talk to us, you know.

Margo

Oh, leave him alone. Poor boy’s heartbroken.

Dinara

We’ve all got to go through it. Heartbreak is one of the few constants in life. As soon as one couple gets together, another breaks up.

Margo

That didn’t stop you from moping around after Jenny ended things.

Dinara

Only because you were so in-your-face about your thing with Riordan.

David

[Offstage.] There’s no cups. [He walks back onstage.] Guess I’ll just die of thirst.

Dinara

Sorry.

Margo

Sorry.

David

You guys are bad hosts.

Dinara

We throw great parties, though.

Margo

Too bad last night was our last one.

Dinara

Why was it our last one?

David

Too much drama?

Margo

Drama? I don’t remember any drama. I was drunk.

Dinara

But why was it our last party?

Margo

I can’t be bothered with all this cleaning.

David

You’ve not done any cleaning.

Margo

But when I do it, I’ll not be bothered with it.

Dinara

Gabby’s going to help.

David

Isn’t Gabby going to Glasgow today?

Dinara

No, Gabby’s coming to help us.

Margo

We’re just waiting for her to come.

David

I was speaking to her last night. Gabby’s definitely going to Glasgow.

Dinara

What’s there to do in Glasgow?

Margo

I would go to Glasgow.

Dinara

Maybe we should, next weekend.

Margo

Yeah, it’s a plan. Joe, do you want to come?

Joe

No, thanks. [Pause.] I don’t think so.

Joe then stands up, suddenly, and rushes to the bathroom, offstage. He throws up.

David

Yikes. Something else to clean.

Margo

I don’t think I can clean that without vomiting myself.

Dinara

Gabby will help.

Margo

If Gabby ever arrives.

Dinara

Anyway, weren’t you coming over to ask something, David?

David

Yeah, we wanted to see if you guys are coming into town today.

Margo

No, we need to clean.

Dinara

And we’re waiting for Gabby.

David

Suit yourselves. Rather you than me.

Joe staggers back on stage, looking pale. David grins at him.

David

Come on, Joe! No luck with these guys. Let’s go. We’ve got cocktails waiting for us.

Margo

Oh, please, don’t mention alcohol.

Joe

I think I’m going to be sick again.

David

That’s the spirit! See you later, losers. I hear a Long Island ice tea calling my name.

David and Joe leave, the door closing behind them. Margo and Dinara are still sitting on the sofa.

Margo

I’m hungry. But I also think I’m gonna puke.

Dinara

Shall we order pizza?

Margo

Can’t afford it.

Dinara

Neither can I.

Margo

Then why’d you suggest it?

Dinara

Wishful thinking.

Margo

Shame about Joe and Martin, isn’t it? They were a cute couple.

Dinara

I don’t know… Martin gave me the creeps.

Margo

You give me the creeps.

Dinara

Oh, shut it. Have you finished your tea yet? We need to get going.

Margo

I thought we were waiting for Gabby?

Dinara

I thought she was going to Glasgow?

Margo

You said she was coming here.

Dinara

I don’t know. I’m sure she said she was coming here today. Or did she say tomorrow?

Margo

I can’t believe this.

Dinara

Well, I haven’t heard back from her yet.

Margo

Then why don’t you call her?

Dinara

My phone’s flat. I forgot to charge it last night.

Margo

It would already be done if we just cleaned the flat ourselves.

Dinara

Shall we, then?

Margo

Shall we what?

Dinara

Just get started?

Margo

Yeah, let’s do it.

They do not move.

***