Water Woman

To the employees of Lily's Cosmetics and Perfumes, Inc. I was just another temp called in to help anyone with a work overload. Like many temps, I was skilled in computer applications: Word, Excel, PowerPoint, etc. Because I had had to step into situations where ability was required, I was better trained and more skilled than any of the company's permanent employees. Most of the time, they appreciated that. Over the course of a few weeks, I became the factotum of the place. Even Lily, in her big corner window office on the floor above us, knew who I was, and her secretary, Janice, didn't hesitate to call on me when she needed me.

The unusual thing about this office was that, except for Jimmy, the IT guy, it was entirely populated with women.

I forgot to tell you there was one other talent I was blessed with: I could load a water cooler. Most women balk at this task, and I used to avoid it until one of my female co-workers on my last temp assignment taught me how to do it. Her name was Cherisse, and she was a normal-sized, cheerful lady trying to be friendly.

Cherisse: You know, you can load the cooler yourself, and you don't have to get a man to do it. I'll show you if you want me to.

Me: Sure. How do you do it?

Cherisse:  Like this. It's all in the balance.

She showed me how to do it; indeed, it was all in the balance and not impossible. I loaded the cooler.

Do you know that scene in the movie "Field of Dreams" where the protagonist's wife is rejoicing because she has just demolished a woman trying to persuade the PTA to ban some books? Well, that's how I felt. I had met the enemy, and they were mine! I wanted to dance down the street singing that old Helen Reddy song: "I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman!" Of course, I didn't do that, but I definitely felt like it.

I soon learned that keeping my new talent to myself was best. The first time I offered to teach one of the other women the new skill, she reacted with great indignity.

"I am not going to pick up a heavy container of water and put it on the cooler! That's a man's job!"

The other women, except for Cherisse, reacted the same way.

When I first walked into Lily's Cosmetics and Perfumes, I expected I would get the same reaction from the strictly female population there. I didn't tell anyone about my particular skill until one day, one of them, Mary, caught me in the act.

Mary: Why are you doing that? You'll hurt yourself.

Me: No, I won't. You see, it's all in the balance.

Mary: Let Jimmy, the computer guy, do it.

Me: He isn't around right now. I can do it, really. (Jimmy had a way of disappearing whenever he could get away with it. The results were a generally empty water cooler and a few crashed computers.)

I put the big jug of water on the cooler, to the amazement of Mary, who stood open-mouthed and watched me.

Word soon got around about me and my muscle-woman ability, and I was called on whenever the water cooler needed to be loaded, which was at least once a day, sometimes twice.

Most of the time, this didn't interfere with my other work. Lily's Cosmetics and Perfumes was a rapidly growing company about to go global; therefore, there was plenty of work, and I was kept busy supporting everybody. I could still find time a couple of times a day to do my water cooler duty.

This would have gone on working well if it hadn't been for Glynis. Glynis was one of the district managers and a health nut fanatic. She was constantly urging her people to stay hydrated, among other things. She set up an extra water cooler inside her office for herself and her group, and I was called on a few times a day to load it since Jimmy always managed to disappear whenever the water supply was low. This was in addition to the regular office water cooler, which I still had to load.

I was beginning to tire of my watery responsibilities. I was no longer proud of my ability to pick up a heavy jug of water and put it on top of a machine. To hell with "I am woman!" I was on the verge of going on strike. How could I do that, though? What would I call it, Revenge of the Water Woman? Besides, I needed my job. It paid well, everybody liked me, and I was being considered for permanent employment. I couldn't risk all that just because I was tired of being a water bearer.

One day, things eventually came to a head when I was busy working on a rush project for Anna, another one of the district managers. This was an important project that needed to be finished that day, and I was helping Anna's secretary with the typing and the PowerPoint presentation. In the middle of all that, Glynis ran out of water. To her, that was an emergency. She called on me to come immediately and load her water cooler. I told her secretary I could come when I finished typing, but Glynis insisted I could stop for a few minutes and accommodate her. Anna had other ideas, and the two of them argued. I kept typing and tried to hide behind my computer monitor, which didn't work. The argument continued, with Glynis insisting that the health of the office was of utmost importance and Anna wanting her project finished on time.

Then, I got a call from Janice, Lily's executive assistant. She wanted to go to lunch and needed me to go upstairs and relieve her for an hour.

At that point, Anna went nuclear. She called Jimmy on his cell phone and left him a message telling him to get his ass over to Glynis' office now and load her damned water cooler. Then she pointed to one of the other secretaries, whose boss was out of town and who was busy clipping her nails, and told her to go upstairs and relieve Janice for lunch. At this point, I was sitting at my computer with my hands in the air, poised for something. Anna looked at me and shouted, "Type!" She then stomped into her office and slammed the door.

The dramatic moment resulted in me being put under Anna's supervision, and she alone would prioritize my work for me. In addition, Jimmy, the IT guy, and I now share the water cooler duties, and he can no longer hide when he doesn't feel like working.

I like happy endings, don't you?