best keep walking

Another Monday.

Probably another failure.

Does it matter?

Do I bother?

The clock alarm is set up at 7:00 a.m. You as usual wake up a little bit earlier than your clock alarm wants. Looking at this brand new watch. 6:45 a.m. Another fight with yourself: do you sleep enough or still feel sleepy? Probably deserve to sleep this 15 minutes and give the rest of the work to the alarm.

The terrible noise starts to scream on the whole room. There is no salvation even if you choose your favorite song. Doesn’t matter. The clock alarm always damages you. During the first five seconds of this morning so many questions start to come in your mind. Why are you here? Another day? Do you need to start it all over? Do you still love this life? Is there any sense? Struggling with all these thoughts you find somehow strength to get up. Somewhere deep inside of your soul you are realizing that you don’t have the answer how many more times can you get up in the morning. You are so damaged by your job, by your rhythm of the life. Almost forget to think about yourself, just keep lying.

You remember you got a meeting for today with your friend. Long time no see. In the morning you hate this world you hate your life you don’t want to think about any meetings. Should you cancel it? You keep this decision until the afternoon.

After your working day you stand on the station and wait for a bus. Music doesn’t help you anymore. Some time ago you loved to listen to music because your thoughts were killed during the process. Now you don’t even know are there any positive thoughts in your head? How can you quit smoking if after every single day on your job you feel sick? You feel miserable, exhausted. Your soul is just another rag for the boss’s shoes and when it will be torn he will buy a new one. They always want from you to do some things you shouldn’t. They pay you well.

Oh, stop and don’t fool yourself. Well?! Is that how you look at these things? Well paid? That is how much costs your life?! Your soul?! Just earn money and buy yourself a brand new watch which will be killing you each morning! Wow, that’s fantastic don’t you think so? It seems like you dreamed of this life since you were a child. No? Oh, really? Then answer where did you lost this lovely kid who dreams about life full of happiness, sense and achievements? Where did you lost him?

It seems your life has no purpose anymore.

Okay, you can go along. There will be lots of fun in your life. All moments of joy and happiness. And you are satisfied? Really? Is that so simple? What about some life goal? Don’t you need a strand that binds your whole life? Don’t you think you are on the wrong path? But you are so busy person... Yes, the busiest on the whole planet. Sure! Without any doubts! Don’t have a single minute to stop all mess and think about your inside world.

What do you want from life? Answer without any lies for the first time. Do you really happy?

Oh, that’s the story. Feel nervous, don’t want to think anymore. It is easy to watch some movies about superheroes or have a chat with some of your "friends" who doesn’t care about you. But this fact do not make you upset. Anything to avoid being alone.

Okay, enough with the humiliation. The moment is coming. Don’t you forget? You still have the meeting with your friend tonight. Wait a second your phone is ringing. Answer!

He wants to meet on the outskirts of city. That’s odd. But why not? With a life like this you have nothing to lose.

In 30 minutes you are here. All gloomy buildings and streets full of longing and miserable around you. You try to look into the faces of the people walking by, but all you see is dead tiredness. You take a deep breath, but you start coughing. No one pays any attention to you. It seems like even the sun left this region for good. And another question breaks into your head. Do you feel tired of your city? Do you really want to be here? Is this still the right place to be? But again you don’t have a time to answer on these questions and he flies into the box full of such unanswered questions. Your friend is coming.

He is glad to see you. Safe and sound… at least it seems like that. From one question to another he starts to realize you seems deadly broken. You look a little taller and you lost your smile. Well that shit happens with time and it's been awhile. He makes an attempt to cheer you up. Your smile is spreading thin just for a moment but it was enough to make you remember why you both are friends of each other for so long.

Word by word and you start to feel better. Like an old rusty anchor which has taken roots in your chest begins to melt. You feel warm inside. An almost forgotten feeling. It seems like even easier to smile. You definitely like this moment. But at one moment he starts to explain, why did he want to meet you so much.

It is all about hitchhiking.

Firstly, you don’t understand. The last time when you were out of the city was so long time ago. You don’t even remember when you thought about it the last time. But he doesn’t give up and you see how flickering and flashing his eyes are and now he is suggesting you go on the road together. He speaks about cities, adventures, roads and freedom but you don’t hear him because your heart starts beating faster and your skin… oh it seems like someone is afraid? You hate your life but when the moment to do something comes you are afraid. And that is you. That is all you are. Nothing more. Just a little human with a bag full of cowardice. Always love to complain and do nothing. Pathetic. Don’t you see? He waits for your answer and you dare not to say NO. You hear me?! You dare not!

The whole body is trembling. The realm of your bore and tasteless life is falling apart. The kingdom that has been the boss of you for so many years is starting to crumble while you are walking toward the car that stopped a second ago. Your friend is ahead. There is no work fuss, no hopelessness, no hardships of life ahead. Only your friend.

The nature itself seems so wonderful here. It is the middle of July but only now you have noticed this summer. For a moment you stopped and look at all these green summer trees. Recently they were all without leaves. How does time fly so fast? All those yellow wildflowers in beauty meadows by the road are waving their tiny petals at you. The sun is here again but it doesn't disturb when you look up and see a big blue sky that hugs you. How can all this be so wonderful? And another question pops in your mind: what do mountains look like? But now it looks like you are not going to put this question into the box of forgotten questions. Enough.

You are alive. Maybe for the first time but you are alive. The friend looks back and smiling at you. You smile him back. You both start to giggling. You breathe in. Fresh evening air flies into your lungs and tickles them. You dont even want to breathe it out. You feel fine. Finally.

Another Monday.

Probably the first good ending.

Does it matter?

Do I bother?

Yes, I do.

Life is fantastic!