Talking Stalkers with my Sister

“Shush.”

“Why? That’s rude.”

“Shushhhhhhhh.”

“Kitty, stop. You’re so annoying sometimes.”

“Did you not hear me? I said shush.”

“Fine! I’ll shush.”

“Good—”

“Shushhhhhhhhhh.”

“Fine. Don’t shush then. But someone’s listening.”

“What?”

“I think someone’s listening.”

“Kitty, you’re delusional.”

“I’m not, Rox.”

“I think you are.”

“Seriously, there’s this weird feeling in my gut, I’m telling you.”

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?”

“Yes, Roxy. I know I’m not hungry, because I just had lunch.”

“If you’re anything like Dad, then you’re always hungry.”

“That’s mean to Dad.”

“Stop with the whole ‘mean’ thing. It’s so childish…”

“That’s what someone at school said to me.”

“Ha. They’re right to say that.”

“Roxanne Amora Thornsberry, you are supposed to be defending me. Not making me feel worse!”

“Katherine Aurora Thornsberry, you need to toughen up! You can’t be little helpless Kitty forever.”

“Quiet! Don’t say my full name. And yes, I can be helpless forever, because I have you and Danny to protect me.”

“Why not? You said mine. Also, me and Danny won’t be around forever; we have lives of our own, you know.”

“Ugh. Just be quiet. Someone’s listening. They could be recording this, right this very second.”

“Or there could be no one there, and you’re just being weird.”

“Trust me, Rox. I can feel it.”

“Not this again….”

“Seriously, we need to be careful.”

“Of what, pray tell?”

“Erm…”

“Yes?”

“I’m not sure, but someone.”

“For God’s sake, Kitty. Should I watch out for that old lady with the pram over there?”

“Maybe.”

“Or that guy? The tall one with the bushy beard?”

“Maybe.”

“Or maybe that little girl with the ballet bag over there?”

“Maybe. She could be a spy for a secret dance organisation that wants to take over the world.”

“What?”

“You don’t know these things, Roxy. You may think you know everything, just because you’re older, but you don’t. For all you know, I could be part of a secret agency for the child consumption of hot dogs. Mum and Dad could be spies, you know for the MI6 or something.”

“That’s it. No more telly for you. I swear, one more word, Kitty, and I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I’m telling you, Rox. I can feel it. See? I’ve got goosebumps. You know how you can feel it when I’m staring you down? That’s what’s happening with me. My ears are tingling, like they’re warning me to be wary. I can almost hear the tap of the record-thingy-majigy. The old school thing, you know?”

“No! I most certainly do not know! I’m not joking, if you say anything more about this, I’m taking you to the doctors.”

“Rox, just listen.”

“To you blubbering about how some tutu-d little girl is working for an evil organisation? Yes, please. Tell me more.”

“Okay, now you’re just teasing me.”

“Great job, genius.”

“Ugh, you are just like the girls at school.”

“I am a girl at school.”

“Argh! Listen, for once in your life. This place isn’t safe. Things have been happening in the last few weeks, and I get the same tingle. Like Spiderman. His Peter-tingle, same as my Kitty-tingle. Mum was in an accident just a few days ago, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah, that doesn’t have anything to do with what your—”

“That’s beside the point. You said you’ve been getting random calls, didn’t you?”

“This is exactly why I shouldn’t tell you these things.”

“Shush. I’m talking. Danny says that he’s always being tailgated, doesn’t he?”

“If someone’s tailgating him, then he should tell the police. Or yell at them so they stop.”

“Stop interrupting, Roxy. And lately, I’ve been feeling like someone’s following me home.”

“Oh, for God’s sake. You have problems, and we’re going to get you fixed.”

“What does that mean?”

“Doesn’t matter. Get in the car!”

“Why?”

“I just told you. Hospital.”

“Huh? I’m not sick.”

“You need help.”

“Yes! To find the stalkers.”

“No, that’s what police are for. If you really can’t wait, we’ll go to the police, and then we’ll go to hospital.”

“No. We can’t go to the police! How stupid are you? They’ll just pry and pry and pry into our lives until they find out our deepest secrets.”

“Have you done something illegal? Seriously, Kitty. This isn’t funny anymore.”

“Since when was it funny? And no, I’m not an illegal. It’s just I don’t need the police poking around my—”

“—why not? Got something to hide, have you?”

“No!”

“Katherine.”

“It’s Kitty.”

“Actually, it’s Katherine.”

“Alright, Roxanne.”

“I am your older sister, so you need to respect me.”

“And you don’t need to respect me?”

“Nope. Respect your elders, remember that.”

“You are the worst.”

“Thank you.”

“We’re not safe!”

“Dude, don’t shout.”

“I will if you don’t listen.”

“Fine, just shut up.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“You wanted to say something?”

“Humph. We should evacuate.”

“What? Evacuate? To where, may I ask?”

“No, you may not ask.”

“Damn, Kitty. You are infuriating.”

“I could say the same thing about you.”

“Then say it.”

“No. Because I’m not mean like you.”

“Forget it, Kitty. Just go home.”

“I can’t!”

“What? Of course you can!”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t either.”

“Excuse me?”

“We can’t let the stalker know where we live.”

“Katherine, you just said you feel like someone’s been following you home. So, if they’ve seen you walk through our door, what does that suggest?”

“They know where we live?”

“Ding, ding, ding! Well done, Sherlock.”

“Oh no. This is all my fault! We’re all going to die.”

“What?! Why?”

“Because the stalker knows where we live.”

“And?”

“The stalker knows where we live.”

“It’s not your fault, Kitty. And, it could be a good stalker.”

“It’s a bad stalker.”

“And how would you know?”

“I told you; my gut is telling me.”

“Your gut is wrong.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“I realise that. You said about five hundred times.”

“How many times to I have to say it until you finally agree with me?”

“I’d say…another five hundred.”

“You are the most annoying thing to ever walk the planet.”

“Why, thank you!”

“Roxanne Amora, we have to be extremely careful. Someone’s listening and watching, might I add, and eventually, they’ll use that information against us.”

“You are paranoid.”

“Great observation, Einstein.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Why though? Have you told Mum about this ‘stalker’?”

“No.”

“Have you told Dad?”

“Also no.”

“What about Danny?”

“Again, no.”

“Then why is it me that has to listen to your stalker rubbish?!”

“Because…”

“Yes?”

“Because you’re supposed to support me.”

“So, Mum and Dad don’t support you?”

“I’m not saying that…”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I trust you enough that I believe that you’ll listen to me. And support me.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not your dream sister! I’m sorry I don’t have the patience for you to explain every single theory you make up!”

“Don’t get so mad!”

“Don’t make me mad.”

“Fine. I’m sorry, but if we all get murdered, it’s your fault for not listening to me!”

“No, it’s not my fault. It’s partly the stalker’s fault and partly your fault.”

“My fault?! Why?”

“Because you decided to tell me about it. What am I supposed to do? If I tell Mum and Dad, they’ll ban me from TV and tell me to study more.”

“Oh. So, if we all die, it’s my fault?”

“Yep.”

“But you just said it wasn’t.”

“I was trying to make you feel better.”

“And now you’re not.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh.”

“Suck it up.”

“Don’t tell me to ‘suck it up’ when we’re being stalked!”

“Jeez, chill.”

“No, I won’t. Because we’re in danger.”

“Where’s your proof?”

“Right there.”

“What?”

“The guy behind you with the camera.”

“Who?”

“That one! With the balaclava.”

“Oh my gosh, you’re right!”

“Told you so.”

“That scum bag!”

“Let’s go get him!”