From Where You Dream

I’m awake this time. At least, I think I am. This place looks like my room and feels like my bed and sheets, but everything is a little moist. Am I sweating? Was I dreaming? Two minutes ago, I think this place caught on fire. But now I feel cold all over. I pull my sheets up closer to me. I scan the room, willing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. My drapes flutter. Is my window open? I never sleep with it open. What time is it? I search for my alarm clock but can’t find it. It should be on my nightstand. I used my hands to feel around. Maybe it’s there, and I can’t see it. Maybe it’s unplugged or dead. Everything blurs a bit. I can’t feel anything, so I give up and continue to examine the room, ensuring everything is in its place. My dresser, directly across my bed, is still and sturdy. I make out some shapes; my jewelry box sits next to my makeup mirror. My robe is still where I left it on a hook on my bedroom door. I lean over the bed to my right and find my alarm clock flashing on the floor. It wasn’t making any sounds. It laid on top of a mess of papers. I stared, trying to make out each shape and wondering how it ended there. I reached for it and felt all the hairs on my arm stand up. Is someone in the room? Why is the alarm clock blinking? Did it turn off or reset somehow? I bring the alarm clock to my chest and clutch it. The light continues to blink, and my face glows red each time it blinks. It’s flashing 3 am. What an odd time to flash. Doesn’t it usually automatically reset to twelve? Something catches my eye. I think something just moved past my bed. It suddenly gets freezing, and I can now watch my breath slip out of my nostrils like little clouds glowing red before vanishing at each blink of the alarm clock. I search the room with my eyes, willing them to adjust to the red glow in front of me and the darkness beyond me.  

       “Hello? Is someone there?” I asked weakly. I spoke into the night air but feared that someone or something would answer. “Hello?” I continued and slowly started to pull the comforter off my body. There is something there, I’m sure of it. I feel it. And either I was going to make out what it was, or I would leave this room. I moved my feet toward the floor, and the coldness of the bare wood beneath my feet jolted me a bit. The boards creaked as I shifted the weight of my body on each leg. 

       “Nia.” I heard a whisper close behind me, just above my shoulder and at my ears. I whipped around, clinging to my clock. Nothing. Just the wall. I touched it. I needed to be sure.

       “Nia.” It was louder this time, just over my other shoulder. I whipped around again and tripped over something. I hit the floor hard and banged my head on an object. 

       “Nia, what are you doing on the floor? We don’t have time for this today. Your mother needs me to go get cranberry sauce from the market.” He reached towards me to grab my hand and pull me up in one swift motion.

       “Dad?” I was looking for my words. For an explanation. Anything. 

       “Nia, again, I gotta rush out of here. What’s gotten into you? And will you please put that down and help your mother in the kitchen?” 

       I looked at what he was pointing at. I was still clinging to my alarm clock, and it was still flashing time. I looked around me, took a whole spin, and wondered how I got here and got to our house’s living room. There was light peeking through the blinds, but they were tightly shut. I heard my mother humming in the kitchen. I walked slowly towards the kitchen and turned the corner to find food everywhere; All of my favorites; baked lasagna, stuffed peppers, black rice, and baked beans. She hunched her body over the open oven and looked like she was tending to something she had been roasting. 

       “Mom?” I said it quietly at first. I was still trying to make sense of what I was seeing. “Mom, what are you doing?” I continued.

       “Don’t be ridiculous, Nia. I am basting the turkey.” She said as she stood up and pushed the large thing she was fussing over back into the oven. “You promised you would come down and help about an hour ago. Yet here you stand. Still in your nightgown.” There was sarcasm in her tone, but I ignored it. 

       “Why are you cooking all of this? And where is Dad going?” 

       “Nia, I don’t have time for your games today. It is Thanksgiving, and the family will be here any minute. Now, at least change and fix up your hair a bit. You look like you have been sleeping in filth. And be quick about it. I need help in the kitchen.” She had a hint of annoyance in her voice. 

       “No,” I stuttered back. “No, it isn’t. It isn’t. It isn’t Thanksgiving; It’s December. And Dad— dad- he, he umm.” My mouth felt heavy, and my head began to hurt a bit.

       “This doesn’t make sense, mom. Dad, he—“and then I remembered. I dropped the clock and ran out of the kitchen, shouting for my dad. “Dad! Dad!” I needed to find him. I needed to find him and keep him here with me. I found him by the door, putting on his shoes. 

       “Dad, please don’t leave.” I grabbed his hand and pleaded with him. “Stay with us. We don’t need that stupid sauce. Nobody eats it anyways.” 

       “Baby girl, I will be right back, I promise. Now it’s already 3 pm. Nothing will be left if I go any later, and you know how your mom gets when she’s mad.” 

       “But dad—“I felt tears gather at the corners of my eyes. 

       “Stay here and help your mom. I’ll be back before you know it.” He kissed me on my forehead and turned to leave. As he opened the door, the light on the other side was so bright it burned my eyes. I shielded my face with my arms and heard the door slam shut.  

       “Nia. Nia, we’re here.” My mom’s voice felt like an intruder’s as she shook my leg, motioning me to wake. I pulled away from her touch and grabbed the door handle to get my bearings. 

       “Where are we?” 

       She looked at me, stunned. “What do you mean? Do you really not know where we are?”

       “No. I mean, I know where we are. But dad’s not dead. I just saw him. I spoke to him just now.” I took her hand in mine. I desperately wanted her to believe me. 

       Smack!

       She struck me so hard it stung. I cupped my face in my hands,

       “How dare you!? How dare you talk like this on a day like today!?” She swallowed the rest of her words and pushed her way out of the town car. I shut my eyes. I felt a void consume me from my insides. 

       “Nia? Nia, are you ok? You were talking in your sleep.”

       I rolled over on my bed, brushed the sleep from my eyes, and looked up. 

       “Dad? Are you real?” I asked him, afraid of what the answer might be. 

       “Of course I am, baby girl; what kind of question is that?” He answered, chuckling lightly. I sat up and took the room in. Everything looked normal, at least from what I could tell. Everything is where it should be. But my dad. I’m sure he was— before I could finish my thought, I watched his right eye and skin droop, sliding down his face like he was starting to melt, and screamed as he casually used his hands to push everything back into place. 

       “You have to stop doing that.” He responded with displeasure. “How many times at me?” He continued emphasizing every word. “Don’t you know who I am?” He paused. “I guess I would say, don’t you know what I am.” He waved his hands around the room and spun, directing my attention to the fact that we were no longer standing in my room but rather in a white-blemished space. “I am your guilt, baby girl. And until you deal with me, we are going to do this song and dance over and over again.” I felt my chest tighten and my heart race. I heard it echo in my ears and all around me at once. It sounded like it was coming from inside the room. I clutched my chest, pleading for it to stop.

       “Oh, no, no, no, my child.” He waved his index finger in front of my face. There was something more sinister in his voice. “You’re not going to die in here. Where is the fun in that?” He taunted and laughed a deep throaty laugh. His mouth grew wider and wider as he laughed. “I will swallow you whole before I ever let you go.” And in an instant, everything went dark.