Through my eyes.

Something in my heart tugged as I stared at them from their shadow. The better half of me felt happy for him as he stood there with her, a smile that reached their ears plastered on both of their faces, their arms wrapped around each other’s waist as they smiled down at the crowd they had gathered from defeating the kingdom’s enemy, the one who had made their everyday a living hell and had placed fear within them all. He had been toying with them all for all these years and now that his childhood friend and his lover had gotten rid of him, the town’s people found it difficult to thank their heroes as everything they had had been taken away from them and gone with the wind. Not a single possession left in their clutches. So they had simply surrounded their saviours and had cheered, chanting their names over and over again. Dorian and Zora, our light, our hope, our saviours. And I had simply stood there tall and proud of my friends, a broad smile on my face that was directed towards Dorian, who had only looked at me once before he was lost in the sea of the crowd. I tried my best not to think much about it, tried my best not to feel hurt as all of my friend’s attention went to his people and Zora. But all my attempts were to no avail and soon I was hiding behind a bush of leaves that were currently jabbing into my aching back. It hadn’t been that long since the gruesome battle had ended and blood was still soaking my clothes, scorching my skin and drowning me completely in it. Despite having battled numerous times, I still couldn’t get used to the feeling of blood on my skin. I had almost heaved up my breakfast during the battle at the sight of the blood dripping off his unsheathed sword but hadn’t when my friend had continuously encouraged and pushed me until my bones were aching. His friend, I thought as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to push out the empty, hollow feeling that threatened to overtake my heart. We had been friends since I could remember. I could still somehow remember that first day we had met…

The castle had looked huge and threatening as his little eyes roamed all over the castle’s interior, intrigued yet scared. The castle was silent, the only sound had been the howling winds that never ceased in these lonely, quiet mountains. And as his little self went deeper and deeper into the stone castle, he noticed how the amount of people within the castle was scarce, how the only people in the castle were servants, who scurried on by, their steps a whisper against the stone. Not a single one had seemed like they had noticed him and with a jolting shock, he realised that they were purposely ignoring him and his parents. As if they had been ordered to do so and if they didn’t oblige… he shuddered at the thought and continued on. He hadn’t come here to dig up the castle’s secrets but rather he and his parents had been invited by the king of the kingdom to a special dinner. A special dinner for special people like him, his mother had told him as she dressed him in his one of many special attires. So his oblivious self hadn’t questioned any further and had gone along with his parents. And before he knew it, he was striding through the great oak doors that lead to the great hall, in which a large single table was situated in the middle of the rectangular, spacious place, seats tucked into its sides. And seated at the top of the table was the king, his queen and his son. His mum had whispered in his ear to meet the young boy while his parents talked to the king and his wife. He did as he was instructed to do and had made his way towards the pale boy. There had been something solemn about his face, something far and distant. As if the boy were a ghost and not really there. But he was there because he had gone up the boy and had shook his slender hands and had made talk with him which had then lead to their everlasting bond and friendship-

Rain. It had been raining and I had somehow dozed off. The sky above me was grey and filled with clouds that looked heavy with rain and the burden of watering all of the lands. The rain had washed away the burning blood that had been an unpleasant blanket. I thanked the skies before realising that the air was silent, the cheers and chants gone and replaced with the comforting sound of the patter of rain against the soft grass. And gone with the cheers and chants were Dorian and Zora. My hands bunched within the grass as I began to pull out the grass with the bottled rage and sadness that I had shoved down and had kept bottled up for years, making up excuses for Dorian’s absences in his life but now… now something within me had torn open, as if someone had sliced up something within me during that battle, and there was no going back. There was no going back after that bottle of despair had opened. And I knew that way too damn well, I thought as I gritted my teeth. It must’ve been unbearably cold as I had not noticed the stream of tears that was now slithering down my cheeks and dripping off my chin and into the wet earth. The realisation had struck something in me and had set me off. The realisation that I would always remain in the shadows, that I would always be the second option, that I was simply here and would continue to drift through life. Watching everyone go on with their life as mine stopped here. You probably weren’t ever an option, a cold voice hissed at the back of my head. You’re right, I thought hopelessly with a wobbly smile, and I’ll never be, I was just hoping… that I could possibly live in that fantasy a little longer.