Virtually Yours

HI! 

Hi. 

How’s it going? 

How could anything be going? We’re in quarantine, remember? 

Self-isolation. Not the same. You’re ok, right? 

Who knows? Guess so. Don’t feel sick, anyway. You? 

I’m fine. Miss you. 

Miss you, too. Guess texting is better than nothing. 

Yep. Whatcha doing? 

 Staring at my four walls  

I’d go crazy if I did that. 

Well, you wouldn’t have too far to go. 

Lol! Got me there. But, seriously, there’s lots you could do. Read, cook, clean, how about baking your almost world-famous chocolate cake? 

Are you saying I’m a slob? 

WTF? 

You said I could be cleaning. In other words, I’m a slob. 

That’s not what I meant, Ev..I meant straightening your closets or something. Everybody could use that. 

Good save. Sorry about the WTF. I’ve been tense lately. 

Understandable. 

No, I don’t think you do understand, Mark. I’ve been tense about something else lately. 

What is it, Ev? 

I’m late. 

??? 

My period, Mark! It was due last week. 

Mark? 

Mark??? 

Well, did you get a test? 

Oh, thank goodness. Thought I lost you there for a minute. 

I’m still here. But you didn’t answer my question. 

Sorry. I have one right here, but I didn’t open the box yet. 

Why not? 

I’m scared! What if it’s positive? 

I’m there for you. sweetie. You know that. 

But you can’t be here for me physically. Just virtually, 

I know it sucks, but we can’t do anything about that right now. 

Mark, why aren’t you panicking! I could be pregnant! 

Look, it’s tough, but we can work it out. I know! Let’s get married! 

Ev? 

Ev??? 

You’re even crazier than I thought. 

I know that. Sorry, I should’ve ended that sentence with lol. 

No, you should’ve ended that sentence with LMFAO! Except it’s not in the least bit funny. What should we do, Mark? 

Ev, let’s take it one step at a time. Take the test, and we’ll decide what to do from there. You may be worried for nothing. 

Yeah, sure. You should know me better than that. Nothing ever goes right in my life. 

I should really be insulted by that, but I’ll let it pass. 

Sorry. Nothing except you and me, of course. But most everything else I do, I fail at. 

Oh, don’t say that! 

Why shouldn’t I say it if it’s true? 

Give me some examples, then. 

I was always called last at gym, failed geometry twice, had to take my driver’s test three times, and missed my chance for an audition for Who’s Got Talent by one day because I was studying for finals. 

Ok, ok. How about your talent in baking, your wonderful writing ability, your sparkling personality, your shrewd debating skills. They count for something, too. 

Not much. 

Look, Ev, I can’t argue with you with the mood you’re in. Let’s think about pleasant things. Remember when we went to that concert in the park? 

Sure. Mostly Mozart. Only it turned out to be mostly mosquito bites! 

I heard they had sprayed, but it certainly didn’t help. 

LOL! You looked like a lumpy alien when it was over! 

I felt like a lumpy alien. The bites were everywhere! 

I kept saying: “Don’t scratch!” but you kept right on doing it. 

Well, you scratched your bites, too. Although I have to admit you didn’t look nearly as awful as I did. 

The music was great, though. We had a good time anyway. 

I always have a great time when I’m with you, Ev. 

Awww. That’s sweet. Those times are over, though. 

Why do they have to be over? This situation is only temporary. 

I know. But if I’m pregnant, you won’t want to be saddled with me. 

Is that how shallow you think I am? 

No, that’s how scary the situation is. 

Would you want to keep the baby? 

Yes. No. I’m not sure, Mark. I’m scared. 

Please, take the test. Then, at least we’ll know. I won’t go away. I promise. 

If we were older, we could get married, start a family. 

If we were settled, with good jobs and an apartment. 

Good jobs and a house. 

LOL! How could we afford a house? 

When you’re CEO of a multi-national corporation, and I’m the head of my own bakery. 

LMAO! 

What? You don’t think I could head my own bakery? 

Of course you could! I doubt I’ll ever be CEO of anything, though. 

How about joining me in my bakery. You have the business head. I’m the creative type. 

Now, that idea just might work. What’ll you name it? 

How about Mark and Evelyn’s Bakery. 

Nah. I’m flattered, but it doesn’t sound sexy enough. How about Scrumptious Desserts by Evelyn? 

Without your name? 

Without my name. I’m strictly a behind-the-scenes guy. 

Ok, if that’s what you want. With our bakery, we can afford a house in the suburbs. 

Picket fence and all. 

Cat or dog? 

I like dogs. 

I prefer cats. 

Both? 

Maybe. 

Two children? 

Ev? 

Ev??? 

I’m back. 

Sorry about the remark about the children. Insensitive of me. 

You don’t have to be sorry. 

Sure I do. 

No, you don’t. I’m not pregnant. 

You took the test! 

I didn’t have to. I got my period. 

That’s great! What a relief! 

I guess. 

You guess?? 

Well, I was starting to like the fantasy. 

Me, too. But who said it’s a fantasy? 

You’re really considering being a partner in my fictitious bakery? 

Hey, there are worse fates than that. And it doesn’t have to be fictitious. 

It’ll be a long shot at the very least. 

If we tried to do it now, it would be a long shot. But both of us have jobs. We’ll save our money, make a plan, and before you know it, our dreams will come true. 

Now you sound like a very corny, old-timey musical. 

LMAO! I do! What’ll we call it? 

Mark and Ev: the Musical! 

Mark and Ev 4-Ever: the Musical! 

Couldn’t get more nerdy than that. But I have to admit I like it. 

Like the sound of Scrumptious Desserts by Evelyn? 

Absolutely! 

A house in the suburbs? 

Why not? 

Complete with picket fence? 

Sure! 

A cat and a dog? 

Someday. 

Two adorable children? A girl and a boy, maybe? 

Yes. A little farther in the future. 

Here’s to the future! To you and me and whatever that brings. 

Here’s to our future! For now, virtual. Hopefully soon, actual. 

Hopefully very soon, actual. 

But later today, I want to do two things. 

Which are? 

Clean out my closet, and bake my almost world-famous chocolate cake. 

Make sure to put some in the freezer, so I can taste it when this is over. 

Will do! Well, bye for now. Text tomorrow. 

Bye, Ev. Love you! 

Love you too! Wait, we haven’t set a date for our wedding. 

Mark? 

Mark???