No Clue

I had come to the point in my life where everything was just okay. My coffee tasted the same every morning. My wife looked the same, my house, my kids. I didn’t really have anything to look forward to anymore. That’s not to say that I was depressed, but I wasn’t necessarily happy either. When I thought back to my younger days, I couldn’t help but smile.  I met my wife back in college and she tried her hardest to get me to act like an adult. She made me get rid of my favorite notebook, she would be irritated when I was excited about the mail, and she really didn’t like how my brother, Joe, and cousin, Josh, acted either. Both of them were similar to me, if not exactly the same, and I haven’t spoken to either of them that much over the years. I loved my wife so much, I did everything she asked. I can barely remember what I used to be like. I thought that when we had kids that it would get better but it sure as hell didn't. My kids think I’m boring. I used to be able to make any kid smile or laugh like nothing but now I can barely get my kids to even glance at me. I love them to death but it’s just another reminder that I’m not what I once was. I look at my old striped shirts and I just feel empty. But the worst thing of all, I miss my dog, Blue. I couldn’t take her with me when I went off to college, so I left her with Joe. I missed her so much. I missed her paw prints around the house, I missed her spots and blue fur. Hell, I missed her barks. She and I would skidoo into every painting we had in the house. She was my best friend. I wasn’t able to see her after I left for college. I was so busy with school that I didn’t have time to visit. Then I met my wife and my kids were born and I didn’t have any time at all. Joe and Josh both swore to me that she was going to be fine. Then one day, I got a call from Josh. Blue was sick. Her paw prints around the house were smeared and messy. When she would try to skidoo, she would miss and hit the wall instead. Josh took her to the vet because he was running out of options. He had called me because the vet told him that she had to be put down. Despite my wife’s protests, I got on the next bus back to my hometown. When I saw her again, she looked so frail and small. I could barely hold back tears just looking at her. We took her back to the vet and I held her one last time. As she was getting her last injection, she mustered all of her strength to leave one last pawprint on my hand. I’m a mess. I've been in bed and haven’t gone to work in days. My wife is telling me that I shouldn’t be this broken up over a dog but she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t have a clue what Blue meant to me. Not a single one.