Lost and found

It was dusk. The last rays of the sun were leaving its traces behind the high stoic mountains that she grew up seeing every day. The sky was turning into a blue-rose mixed colour of a cold early January evening. She sat outside in her porch and left all the noise behind, shut inside the doors of her house. It was freezing and she could feel the bitterness of the wind all over her face and hands but she kind of liked it. Being in nature, watching the sky that gave her hope. The sky was after all the ticket to anywhere. That what she wanted the most.

Last year had not turned the way she had longed for, hoped for. Oh, she had imagined big events for her and yet there she found herself. At home. Not abroad. Not in a new state that was far away as she had imagined. As Serein held a blank page in front of her, she felt afraid to write again. What to accomplish this year? Last year she had desired a brand new life for herself. Away from where she was raised. In a new European country. Birds are meant to fly not to be kept in cages. Oh, she always loved to believe that she was one of them. Serein graduated in Literature holding an excellent -bachelor degree, the reward of so many nights of late, late studies and waking up early in the morning. Was this enough for her? No... She dreamed of getting a master degree in a sunny European country, alone at her own home, independent. A new thrilling start was what she was longing for and as she sat in that porch on that cold January sunset, her hand trembled. Was she going to put that unachieved goal there again?

Yes, she had worked so much to get a scholarship and to save enough money to establish herself in a new apartment, to pay for the books and expenses until she got a job to handle the burden of independence on her own. That was the plan. But it happens though… sometimes even when you want something with a burning desire, a chain of reactions start going the wrong way emphasizing our lack of power to give the events the shape we want to. But at least for what it was worth it, she tried. The newly, fresh graduated young girl got a job at an education centre, to save the money she needed and everything looked quite bright ahead. But then a moment happens and the envying colleges tried to make things for her difficult every single day, and she could not hold any more of that. So she left from there. “Why did I do that?” the young girl asked again herself as it was darkening even more and the neighbours were starting to turn on their lights. She could see it all. “Because I didn’t want to be unhappy!” she whispered. She couldn't stand to lose her happiness. Ignore the negativity. That was all of her friends said to her but that was just a beautiful excuse for them. Nobody deserves to stay in a place where she is hated, blamed without reasons. Sometimes the negativity drowns you, so it is better to escape. Save your soul. Save your happiness. So the goal of having a job to save money for her dream was destroyed and gone with the last year. Despite that, she knew that she was not a quitter on her dreams, she was a warrior. She had had almost everything, beauty and cleverness, she could do it. Serein inhaled the cold air and with cold hands wrote the first goal: Find a way to go abroad.

The sky suddenly as she noticed had gone dark and cloudy, the moon nowhere to be seen. The air temperature was slightly changed, not as cold as before. She tightened her this cosy coat and fixed again her eyes on the sheet. She did not need to see the last year sheet. A new year, a new beginning. As she raised her eyes to the mountains, she filled with optimism. After hundreds of years, they were still undefeatable, still going strong despite storms. Be more like mountains, she wrote her second resolution. She knew the meaning of that sentence.

The sound of cars fading away, made her think of the fact that she achieved some of the other resolutions she had set. Visit at least three new cities. She had visited three new cities, read their love stories, walked along their historical paths, seen new faces and had experienced new kind of enjoyment. She had become part of a helping organization to homeless kids and she still was there. In her mind, as the winter clock was ticking slowly towards the evening she recalled images of her calling local businesses to raise funds, running errands for the lovely ladies at the charity and hugging the kids. She smiled at the moment flashing in front of her eyes when she gave presents to kids, now being rehabilitated in a new building. Her heart was filled with contentment by their little faces glowing of happiness on New Year's Eve. She had done a noble at as her friends said to Serein. Her heart skipped a beat of happiness. Maybe she did not get abroad, but she sure had accomplished a goal to be proud of. At that very moment, Serein understood that she had given only her time in exchange but had taken so much more in return. She felt proud. She also had started learning French through the internet. That elegant language was a challenge but despite that Serein decided to continue it. She was at the beginning but her ambition was still there. The desire for knowing more was present yet. Help and learn more, the young girl carefully wrote on the sheet.

 It was getting late and her mother was inside the house. The smell of baked potatoes spread in the air. Be grateful for what you have. Her mother, the only close relative she had was her anchor, her safe tower in a hard time, her breeze in a burning summer day. An inspirational woman who worked hard at the local factory to give all to her, to her daughter. Serein might have been a little careless with her some time, not dedicating her the time she deserved. But only a few times. She knew her mother’s heart was soft and always forgave her. It was a mother’s heart after all. She loved her mother and tried her best to make her happy. She recalled when they travelled together to new cities, sharing precious moments... Serein also took her to the New Year’s Eve, watched her play with the kids and chat happily with her neighbours. Serein tried to be a good daughter. Her friends too had been there for her and Serein never forgot to call them to meet with them, because they were also part of her family. She turned head behind. Her mother’s silhouette appeared from the window which made her realise how precious she was for her. Love more. The final words.

Serein stood up, took her notes with her last year's goals now turned to new ones. It started to rain and the air was soon filled with the sweet wet soil scent. She breathed the light air and headed to the warmth of her house. She knew by then that there were no failures unless she accepted them. Struggles were on the way but she had a secure place to hold on, the people she loved and cared about. The young girl kept that thought close to her heart as she stepped inside her house where she truly belonged.