In the Blink of An Eye

In the Blink of An Eye

By Tammy Varner Hornbeck

           In a single moment, her life changed.

           “Oh, no. What in the world am I going to do?” Alicia was trapped in Georgia living with her abusive husband’s family and she was pregnant, again. Her circumstances didn’t stop the joy of carrying a baby. She loved being pregnant and she loved being a mother. Her joy soon overrode her fears and she went to tell her husband. Maybe this time, it would be different. Afterall, they had moved to Georgia to start over.

           Her husband Glen was sitting on the couch eating breakfast. Her son, Glen Junior was on a blanket in front of the television. He was just nine months old. Alicia stood just inside the room, suddenly nervous. What if he wasn’t happy about the baby?

           “I’m pregnant!” Alicia’s eyes were shining with joy and had a huge smile on her face that contradicted her wringing hands.

           “What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean you are pregnant? How the hell do you know you’re pregnant?” His anger quickly removed her smile. The fear that had filled her for the last two years threatened to swallow her.

           “I just went to the restroom and I didn’t start my period. I’m never late. So, I know I’m pregnant.” Alicia knew her body. She had no doubts whatsoever that she was pregnant.

           “You stupid bitch! You don’t know anything. You’re not pregnant!”

           Righteous anger bubbled up inside of her and overflowed. “I am too pregnant! Just wait and see! I know my body!”

           Her husband threw down his plate and it shattered on the floor, storming outside. She rushed to pick her son up off the floor and cradled him close. So much for a fresh start.

           Alicia kept her eyes cast down when her hateful mother-in-law started in on her.

           “You stupid bitch! What do you think you are doing? You’re not pregnant. You’re trying to keep my son trapped! I can’t wait until he gets tired of you. You’re the worse thing that has ever happened to him. I can’t wait until we get rid of you.”

           This wasn’t the first time Alicia had been on the receiving end of her mother-in-law’s wrath. She has had to put up with constant insults from the first time Glen took her over to her mother-in-law’s apartment in Dallas after they first met. That memory had dashed all of her naïve ideas about being friends with her.

           Alicia and Glen left the house that they shared with one of Glen’s best friends, Robert and headed to East Dallas to meet Glen’s mother. They parked in a spot along the side of the apartments on the edge of the concrete drive that ran to the back and ended in a covered parking lot for the upper story tenants. Glen and Alicia was greeted with smiles and hugs and was asked to take a seat at the Formica table by the window next to the door that led into the kitchen from the driveway. The three of them sat around the kitchen table talking. Well, mostly Glen and his mother talked. Alicia sat politely listening.

           “Do you need anything mom?”

           “I could use a pack of cigarettes and your Granny needs another can of snuff.”

           Glen walked into the living room where a hospital bed was set up for his grandmother. He leaned down and kissed her cheek and grabbed his grandmother’s empty can of Sweet Garret Snuff and slipped it into his pocket. He walked back into the living room and kissed Alicia and told her and his mother that he’d be right back. Alicia started to get up to go with him, but he told her to sit down and stay; that it’d be a good time for them to get to know each other. Both Alicia and his mother Barbara watched Glen leave. Alicia turned to smile at her future mother-in-law and that smile quickly vanished at the harsh words that suddenly spewed from her mouth.

           “Let’s get one thing straight. I am not your mother-in-law; will never be your mother-in-law. We will never be friends so don’t even think about it. Glen is taken with you now, but it never lasts. He will get tired of you soon enough and then I won’t have to deal with you anymore.”

           Heat of embarrassment and hurt feelings flooded Alicia’s body. She sat there in silence her hands cradling the near empty glass of iced tea. The tension in the room filled the tiny one-bedroom apartment. Alicia kept her head bent down looking blankly at her lap until Glen returned twenty minutes later. She looked up in relief when he walked in and was more than happy to leave when Glen announced they had somewhere to be. She stood up next to the table to wait while Glen walked into the living room to give his grandmother her snuff and kiss her cheeks. She looked up at Glen, blinked, and half-way smiled but then turned a blank gaze to the television. He went back into the dining room and plopped his mother’s cigarettes down on the table, kissed her cheek, and bid her goodbye. Alicia practically pushed Glen out the door, but her old-fashioned upbringing forced her to turn around and look sadly at her mother-in-law, “It was nice to meet you.” Alicia turned and ran to the car. Glen slid behind the wheel, turned on the ignition and looked over at Alicia.

           “How did you and Mom get along?”

           Alicia’s heart broke, but she didn’t want to upset Glen, so she lied, “Fine.”

           Three years later and the venom of her mother-in-law’s tongue has not dulled one bit. She had been married to Glen for two years and had borne him a son—a son everyone said he could never have and yet she still called Alicia a liar and still hated her. Alicia took her son into the bedroom she shared with her husband and cried.

           Two weeks later Alicia still hasn’t started her period. She knew she was pregnant and didn’t need anyone else to believe her. Since she told Glen she was pregnant he had been avoiding her. He chose to spend his time outside tinkering on vehicles and drinking beer and whiskey. When he did come in to eat; he glared at her and cussed her anytime she tried to spend time with him. He also hadn’t touched her physically since she mentioned being pregnant. Things between them here in their new life in Georgia were turning out just like they were before they left Texas. Hope faded into despair and fear sprang its ugly head. Glen had struck her again last night.

           Now, Alicia only came out to eat and use the restroom. It was safer if she just stayed in the room with her son. The only thing she that helped her deal with her dangerous environment were her daily walks after lunch with her son in the stroller. Alicia thanked God every day that he was too young to know what was going on. With the sun warm on her shoulders the darkness of her homelife was chased away for an hour a day. She placed a hand on her stomach and though of the baby on its way. Would it be a boy or a girl? She wondered, but even though the baby made it harder to leave her abusive husband; having another baby made her even more determined to do so. She didn’t want her children to grow up thinking they way she lived was right. She wanted them to be happy and loved and not feel like they were constantly walking on glass. Alicia passed a flyer stapled to a light pole; it caught her eyes despite being faded from the sun.

Are you safe at home?

We’re here to help you…

Safe

Confidential

Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Call our 24-hour crisis line: 1-800-33-HAVEN (334-2836)

Help is a phone call away!

           A flash of all the times Glen had hit her flooded her mind. Memories of how he had knocked her down when she was pregnant with their son. Memories of Glen taking her son and leaving her for his girlfriend, Kathy. Memories of fighting to see her son and ending up in a fist fight with first her husband and then his girlfriend. Memories of Glen getting drunk and mad and starting a scene every time they went out in public. Memories of being trapped in her own home because Glen had insisted a relative live with them because she was “too incompetent to care for a home and a child.” Memories of being called a whore if she wore make-up and if she didn’t, being told that she wasn’t good enough to come home to. She remembered why they left Texas in the first place—to get away from his girlfriend Kathy whom Glen had gotten pregnant. Glen didn’t believe that she could love a child he had from another woman. She could. In the end, Glen didn’t give her the chance. His mother had left Texas to move to Georgia to help his sister raise her children. She had talked him into moving Alicia and their son to Georgia to be close to her. She was trapped in Texas and now she was trapped in Georgia. Not for long…

           With a trembling hand Alicia reached up and grabbed one of the tabs on the bottom of the flyer with the hotline’s number on it and pulled it off to hide in her pocket. Before she got home, she had a plan completely worked out. On her next walk she would go for a walk, find a pay phone, and call the hotline. Her new baby would give her the strength to leave Glen once and for all.