A Missing Instinct

This was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives, everyone would say after the event. Even in front of my face. It was far from it for me. That was the day I brought Mira home from the hospital. She was so beautiful. Pink and squishy with big brown eyes. I wanted to hold her forever. Just to bathe in her smell. That new baby smell was so amazing and calming. So fresh and clean.

She hadn’t started to smile yet. I didn’t even think she knew of the expression. I couldn’t wait until she discovered it. She was sleeping as we walked into the house. She looked so peaceful in her stroller.

My husband and I had walked home from the hospital, since it was no more then a block away. I used to complain about the noise ambulances and helicopters would bring, but today I felt blessed. What new mother wouldn’t kill to be walking distance from a hospital.

               “She truly is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.” Daniel whispered.

               My husband was never as desirable to me, as he was when he was with her. I could see his protective spirit hold her like a papa lion, ready to pouch anyone trying to hurt her.

               I looked him up and down as if I could just devour him right there. I could never imagine my life without such a wonderful man. I looked back down at my daughter with such pride. I made her, we made her.

               “Would you like me to set her in her bassinette?” He whispered. I smiled and nodded my head in reply. We where both being careful not to wake her.

               I thought about taking a nap. All the parenting books say to sleep when the baby sleeps. I thought better of it. I shouldn’t push my luck. Something could happen while I sleep.

               Daniel read my mind, as he always did. He nodded his head towards our bedroom as if signaling for me to go first. It took a minute to answer, I was so unsure.

               “Maybe I should do some laundry.” I whispered so low almost no sound came out. “She might wake up soon.”

               Daniel smiled knowing exactly what I had said. He didn’t say a word, just silently walked into the room and placed the baby gently into the bassinette next to our bed. He tiptoed out of the room and closed the door gently beside him.

               “Finally, we can talk now.” He said with a wide grin. I knew he didn’t mind whispering or tiptoeing. He was the perfect father and husband. “You really should get some rest. You read the books.”

               I rolled my eyes at him. I knew he was right; he knew he was right. I guess I had to sleep. I just couldn’t shake off this weird feeling. Like a knot at the pit of my stomach.

               “What if she cries and I don’t hear her? you know how hard I can sleep.” I felt like a horrible mother for even thinking it. I was never going to be able to grow up this perfect baby into an actual human if I sleep through her life.

               Daniel came up behind me and put both hands on my shoulders, as he led me towards the bedroom. “I will be your ears from now on.” He proclaimed. “With me around you will never have to worry about that. Your husband has the ears of a blood hound.”

               I giggled at the thought. “Isn’t the term, the nose of a bloodhound?”

               “Ears, nose… What ever you want it to be, it is. You pushed out a person. From now on you get what ever you want.”

               I giggled again. I couldn’t believe the truth. I pushed a person out of my body. We made a human. How does that happen? Then I started a full laughing fit. Oh ya, I knew how it happened. I must have been more tired then I thought.

               He put his finger to his lips to signal he was opening the door. Daniel led me towards the bed gently. He threw back the covers and immediately regretted it. I watched intently as he did a double take to make sure he didn’t wake Mira.

               When he was content in her slumber, he took my hand and watched as I crawled into bed. He tucked me in so tightly it could choke a bear. I didn’t mind I could loosen them when he left the room.

               Daniel placed a tender kiss on my nose and then he crept away closing the door behind him. I loosened my restraints and cozied up in my spot on the bed. I felt as the darkness took me hostage. My whole body relaxed as I drifted into a deep sleep.

***

               I woke up to the sound of crying. Mira! I jolted awake in an instant. The room was dark, and I couldn’t see. How long had I been sleeping?

Before getting out of bed, I clicked on the lamp that lay on my nightstand. My eyes slowly began to adjust to the light.

               Where was the bassinette? Once my eyes began getting rid of the double vision. I saw it lay on its side on the floor. “Mira!” I screamed.

               I picked the baby off the floor and started running. I dashed through the streets near the hospital running around the parked cars and ambulances. I finally made it inside out of breath and sweating.

               “What happened?” a nurse asked as she led me towards a wheelchair.

               “The baby… fell… from the… crib.” Was all I could say. I couldn’t breath and my throat was completely dry.

               The doctor came quickly to check on Mira’s vitals. She poked and prodded her. On occasion she even made her whine. She was becoming very invasive. I didn’t like at all how she was handling my baby.     

               After about an hour, the doctor was comfortable that nothing, but a small bruise would form on her belly. She was safe, her head took little to no damage. Finally, I could take her home.

               As I walked up the driveway and I realized my front door was wide open. I must have forgotten to close it. I walk us into our home with a feel of unease. Where was Daniel? I had seen the car in the driveway when I walked in, was it there when I left?

               I walked into our bedroom and placed Mira on the bed. The light was still on, that was good. At least I could see. I turned to pick up the bassinette and there on the floor, underneath the fluffy white dressing and lace, was my husband. His skin was pale and his lips blue.

               He was completely lifeless.

               A scream escaped my lips as I grabbed for the cordless phone near the bed. I dialed 911 as quickly as possible, but as my fingers grazed the buttons, I already knew. By then it was too late.