0 comments
October 24, 2024
2:05 a.m.
Dear Diary,
Today, as much as I want to appreciate the beautiful sunrise in front of me and the cold and pleasant weather that marks the beginning of the winter season. I do not have the energy to do so. I am physically and mentally drained. It is hard for me because this is the time of year when we lack the money and monthly bills pile up. I am considering selling my phone and gold jewelry set this month, as the money left will only be for our food and groceries. My husband had already borrowed money from his colleague, so it was my turn to do my part in solving the problem temporarily.
I hope we are truly living a grand life, but to be honest, it has been almost two years since we have been struggling financially. We should always consider how to pay our credit cards, health insurance, medicine bills, car amortization, bank loans, and school and therapy fees.
I know we are not the only ones struggling because of global inflation. But sometimes, I miss the times when we can buy some wants other than basic needs. It has been years since we can not afford to pay for new clothes, and we must postpone our yearly vacation entitlement, for we need to avail the equivalent money from our air tickets and vacation leave days. I am trying to help my husband financially by applying for jobs, but no one accepts me. I posted as a freelance worker in an application, but no one got to hire me. I tried to be a social media influencer but still need to climb the ladder. I am feeling so down. Most of the time, I want to cry my heart out. I want to lie in bed, eat junk food, and watch Netflix all day, but I cannot afford to do that. I must conceal it deep within me and put on a solid and happy face, especially in front of my son. I must keep going daily and do the usual activities such as cleaning the house, washing the dishes, cooking meals for the family, and caring for my son.
What I can only do at the moment is pray that our situation will change and ask the Almighty to keep us strong enough to get by. On a positive note, we are still complete and together as a family.
By the way, it will be my birthday soon. If only I could go to a thrift store and find a lamp that I could rub so a genie could come out and grant me three wishes.
My first wish is to have a decent job so that I can have enough money for my son to go to a school that is age-appropriate for him, a school that would teach him how to do activities of daily living all by himself, a school that would teach him to do even simple vocational works and a therapy center that would cater to his speech, occupational and behavioral needs. My second wish is to migrate to a country that can support my son’s basic needs for him to live independently, as one of my fears is for him to live alone without the proper support he needs. My third and final wish is for us always to be healthy and safe, especially my husband, who has been working hard for almost three decades.
I do hope all of my wishes will come true.
If only life were so magical, I am sure my son would be the happiest.
Sincerely,
The Autism Mom
——————————————————————
October 25, 2024
3:30 a.m.
Dear Diary,
Today, my son is trying to call random people on my cell phone again, but to no avail. No one answered his phone calls. Unfortunately, no one wants to talk to him because he can not communicate properly and express himself fully, even if he wants to.
As we all know, a person with autism spectrum disorder or ASD has difficulty in their social and communication skills. If only people would understand that what they only want is for people to accept them genuinely. They only desire to converse with people but do not know how. To have loyal friends to depend on. To connect to others in a deeper perspective. To learn how to socialize appropriately. It pains me to see my son suffer because of his condition. There are days he will ask me where his earlier classmates and teachers are, but I do not know what to say because I do not know where they are now.
Sometimes, we will watch my husband’s favorite sport so that my son can see other people. A few will be so kind as to say their usual greetings but to be honest, no one has that genuine rapport and effort to befriend him, even if he is in such a condition. We will sit in isolation and wait for my husband to finish his games. This kind of situation pains me a lot as a mother. Some of them are just insensitive, and they gossip behind our backs instead of befriending us. I do not have any choice. My husband loves playing this sport, which is his only exercise.
Occasionally, people stare at him in the grocery store, especially if he is having a tantrum.
Once, a group changed their table in a restaurant because they did not want to be near us.
I want to exclaim to the entire world that my son is not a freak, not a weird individual, not a jerk, and he would not hurt you, so please do not fear him. There is no need to be afraid of him, as he is the sweetest boy I have ever known. He will shower us with hugs and kisses. If I am sad and tears are flowing, he will say, “Mommy, stop crying. " If I am happy and laughing, he will genuinely smile.
If only people knew how kind and meek he is. I genuinely aspire that people will accept and treat him well someday. I hope that someday a person will become his faithful friend. I hope that someday, relatives will help us raise our kid, as it is hard without their support. I hope that society will someday fully accept such a condition without prejudice. I hope this will happen soon.
Sincerely,
The Autism Mom
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
0 comments