Being AI or not - That is the Question.

Percy took his classic, wide-brim, fur felted Panama Hat off the coat stand and popped it on his head before heading out to work. No one at work wore this type of hat, but Percy never followed popular trends. This style had suited his father, especially in winter. Percy simply wasn't a beanie type of guy. He turned to look at his novel coat stand as he closed the door behind him, a smile playing on his lips.

Percy enjoyed tinkering and creating things. He had bought a genuine suit of armour and placed it inside the front door of his palatial home to receive guests' hats and coats. It raised its arms and invited apparel to be left there.

'Leave your coats and hats here.'

People had different reactions. Some believed the ghost of an ancient warrior hid inside. Little Stephen had been curious to check if anyone lived there on his first visit. Percy's Aunt Hildegard wanted him to dispose of this disturbing and primitive robot.

But Brenda had been shocked to the core, yet laughed delightedly. 'You got me there, Percy!' Only she saw the funny side.

The only problem he had with Brenda, a curvy, blond, blue-eyed young lady, was that they worked together. It is hard to get close to someone when all one's workmates are watching and speculating. So much is embellished on and misconstrued. Yet an undeniable romantic tension between them, added intrigue to their interactions.

***

Some of the workmates had become aware of Percy's houseguest, Adam. Adam the hunk. Adam, who is so much better looking than Percy - some saw him and exaggerated his already stellar charms. One of the workers overheard Brenda talking to Adam on the phone. Now the initial non-secret first date between Percy and Brenda had escalated into a complicated eternal triangle in which Percy was doomed to fail because there was something oddly stiff and starchy about him. Chatter about it at work was rarely heard, though the looks from everyone said it all. Didn't they have anything better to gossip about?

The latest and transformed Percy, who had become a better man due to his friendship with both Adam and Brenda, paled in comparison to handsome Adam, who needed no improvement. No one bothered to ask Brenda what she thought. As far as she was concerned, she only had eyes for Percy. And, in fact, Adam had been helping her get closer to him.

After an exciting Christmas party, which both Percy and Adam had thrown mainly for Brenda, her mother, Jacky, and Brenda's nephew, Stephen, she felt confident about inviting Percy to theirs for dinner. Percy hadn't said he wouldn't go. She rang Adam to run the idea past him, unaware of some of the social tension created by her mother at the Christmas gathering.

'Hello. Adam. How are you? I need to ask you something. Percy didn't say "no" when I invited him over for dinner to meet my mother. In fact, she met him at the Christmas party. They seemed to get on well. She likes my idea of having you both over for dinner this Saturday.'

'I'm invited too, Brenda?'

'Yes. Mum said it's because you get on with Stephen so well. I thought I'd ask you, as it's hard to ask Percy things at work. The others spy on us, and every little thing they find out gets bandied about and discussed. There's quite a storyline going on about us. Funny thing is, they don't know we all went to the beach together, or about the Christmas party, or that you already have Melissa as your girlfriend. We plan to keep it that way. However, I'm not inviting Melissa, I'm afraid. Could you please check it out with him? It'll be wonderful to have you both over.'

'Percy has nothing in his diary on Saturday evening, Brenda. I'm sure we will be fine. I will let you know.'

'Thanks, Adam. You're a great help. Bye for now.'

***

That evening, over their meal, Adam and Percy discussed their invitation to dinner at Jacky and Brenda's.

'Why are you so reluctant, Percy? You promised to go to Brenda's for dinner before Aunt Hildegard stayed. Then your aunt left, but we had all that trouble over Melissa and Maria, and put Brenda off again. This Saturday evening is the perfect time.'

'But why invite you?'

'Because I get on with young Stephen. He will be disappointed if I'm not there. That way I can spend time with Stephen while you talk with Brenda and her mother, Jacky.'

'I can see only one flaw in that. Didn't you realise from the Christmas party just how Brenda's mother views you?'

'She likes me . . . most women do.'

'It's not because of her liking you. It's her liking you for her daughter! I answered so many questions about you at the party. She's not interested in me.'

'But, Percy, you have known Brenda for over three years. Brenda knows you and will have told her mother heaps.'

'That's the problem. You said yourself that I'm not a great example of a human. It took me three years to date Brenda, and I admit I gave her a hard time at the start. I think Jacky would like you to be Brenda's boyfriend . . . become her son-in-law. And Stephen adores you.'

'I'll have to tell her all about my lovely girlfriend Melissa then, won't I.'

'Better yet, tell her about our maid Maria, who fancies you.'

'I'm not some sort of gigolo, you know.'

'The point is, it may put her off thinking you are good for her daughter,' said Percy.

'Yes, I can do that.'

'When do you think we should reveal our secret to Brenda?'

'What secret is that? The truth about our true relationship?' Adam winked.

'What on earth is that about? Ew!'

'Well, I am not your butler, or your houseguest. I know we are friends, but . . .'

'Oh, that! Let's just keep them guessing. It's been a great experiment. I've learned so much. Besides, I know Brenda loves me. Knowing that means I don't care what others think or how they see me. In the end, the joke will be on them.'

'Won't Brenda be upset about the deception?'

'We haven't lied to her about anything. Besides, the less she knows, the safer she is.'

'After what happened when Maria was taken and I had to rescue her, you can't say that.'

"Oh, why so morbid, Adam? Lighten up!'

***

On Saturday night, Percy and Adam arrived at Brenda's with sweets and treats from the Emporium for Stephen, flowers for Brenda, and a box of chocolates for Jacky.

Jacky obviously showed Adam extra attention. Percy and Adam exchanged knowing looks.

The meal was Stephen's favourite, Spaghetti Bolognese, served with a leafy salad. The meat sauce had hidden vegetables for Stephen's benefit. Nutritious and delicious.

A conversation took place. Adam talked with Stephen, though Stephen kept asking questions to distract Adam's focus from his grandmother, Jacky. Adam handled the lively three-way conversation very well. Percy had Brenda all to himself until Jacky asked him to help her in the kitchen after the meal.

Percy stared at her. What on earth is she playing at? he thought.

'Really, Mum!' said Brenda, 'Percy is our guest. Adam can help you. He knows his way around the kitchen better than most.'

Adam shot up to help. He winked at Percy. Percy had been correct about what Jacky was trying to do.

'If you say so,' said Jacky.

This left Percy, Brenda, and Stephen together.

I'm so glad you could come, Percy,' said Brenda. 'Excuse my Mum. She fancies Adam.'

'Well then, she should be happy he is in the kitchen with her . . . though, hopefully, he will put her off himself.'

Brenda giggled. 'Have you noticed what she is up to? It started at the Christmas party. I've told her I'm a one-man-woman and I've chosen you, Percy.'

'You have never come across as fickle, Brenda. I've come a long way since you told me how you feel.'

'Percy, I've been so happy since you said those things at the restaurant . . . I realise it is difficult at work.'

'Tell me about it! Haven't they got anything better to gossip about? And I believe it would be worse if they really knew the truth, instead of the "eternal triangle" fantasy they've embellished our love story into. Unbelievable!'

'Mm, you are right . . . Tell me, Percy, is Adam really as good as people think?'

'Of course he is. I'm not saying that because I fancy him. We are just friends. He knows everything, sees everything, can turn a hand to anything, and has a sixth sense when it comes to human interactions. Like he's some genius psychologist. He was right about you, Brenda. He helped me to understand and appreciate you.'

***

Adam, in the kitchen, had Jacky all to himself. There were many ways he could play it. Amorously? A bit of flattery wouldn't hurt this older woman. Pretending he didn't know what she was thinking about him and Brenda? This wouldn't help Percy. Like he, Adam, had deficiencies? This could help.

'Oh, what a lovely plate,' he said, picking it up. Then he fumbled and deftly caught it. Jacky gasped and didn't smile.

'I am a bit clumsy. Oh, Royal Dalton! Lucky I caught it. I'm not sure why Percy trusts me in the kitchen. I am rather clumsy.'

Jacky retrieved the plate from him while tutting. 'I'll take that. I was about to serve some chocolate brownies with our tea. That plate belonged to my mother. Could you please boil the water and make the tea? We'll put the milk and sugar out so everyone can make it their preferred way. Use that tray over there to your left.'

Adam looked to his right in an absent-minded way.

'It's over there to your left.'

'Oh, oops. My left hand doesn't know what my right hand is doing.'

Jacky shook her head. 'That saying is about discretion, not about direction.'

'What do you mean?' said Adam, looking as dumb as he could. Then he fumbled with the tray.

Jacky sighed.

'Since I met you, Jacky, I've thought about you a lot. You are a pretty lady, and I am fond of pretty ladies.'

'Mm. Like Brenda?' Jacky frowned.

'She is pretty. You should see my beautiful girlfriend, Melissa. And I love the maid at Percy's house, Maria. She is downright delicious. And, she fancies me.'

Jacky blinked. "You do know what they say about looks. Looks are skin deep. It's what is underneath that matters.'

"Yes, I agree. I said that to Melissa, my girlfriend. Mind you, she has a lot going on inside. Lots of cogs and connections there . . . Her mind, at least.'

'I'm not referring to minds, Adam.'

"I'm not sure what you are getting at."

Jacky shook her head. 'Shallow!' she said under her breath.

Adam stared at her.

"I mean, the sugar is shallow. Please top up the sugar. I'll get the tin.'

They continued preparing in silence.

When Adam insisted on taking the tray through, Jacky grabbed it, but as it seemed Adam would tussle with her, she let it go.

'I'll be very careful,' he reassured her. Her face did not ooze confidence.

***

After they left, that evening, Brenda was dying to know what had happened between Adam and her mother. She rang them after Jacky had gone to bed and asked to talk to Adam.

'Adam, what happened with Mum? She was in a terrible mood after you both left. All she said was, "Good luck to you, Brenda. One is a womaniser, and the other is scared of them. Take your pick. I'm over it." '

Percy picked up the phone in the other room. 'What did you say, Adam?'

Adam snorted. 'I made out I am a clumsy oaf, an idiot, and only appreciate how women look. I hope Maria doesn't find out what I said about her.'

'Wish I'd been a fly on the wall,' said Brenda.

'I'm baffled. What does your Mum have against me? I'm none of those three things?' said Percy, aggrieved.

Brenda saw her opportunity and took it. 'It's because you never noticed how much I adore you, Percy. In three years, you asked me out on one date and then didn't want to know me. You've come around, but my mother wants me to marry someone, sometime. She thinks you'll never ask me.'

'But Brenda, this is the first time you've brought up the subject! After a conversation I had with Adam a while ago, I hardly dared to mention it. He said to me that if I brought up the subjects of marriage and children, you might think I wanted to . . . go to bed with you. That it would seem like I was after one thing.' Percy's tone sounded strangled.

'Percy, you are taking it way out of context,' said Adam.

'Percy! Do you think I don't want to go to bed with you? My mother would prefer us to marry first, that's all. What have you got against marriage?'

'I don't think your mother likes me.'

'Percy, I love you. That's what matters.'

'Okay, okay,' said Adam, 'I'm putting the phone down. Maybe, Percy, you should arrange another date. Just you two. Not to argue, but perhaps it is time to discuss marriage. Try the romantic approach.' He put the phone back into its cradle.

'Why is it that Adam understands way more about me than you do? Sometimes I wonder just how human you are, Percy. You get things so wrong.'

'I know, it's weird, isn't it. I'm the human who gets things wrong. And Adam gets things perfect . . . even though he is an . . . AI.'

'Percy!!! You are joking, aren't you? . . . This isn't funny! . . . Are you sure?''