The One

“Do you ever think about how many there are?” 

‘What, stars?” 

“Yeah.”

“No, not really. They’re too many.”

“Yeah…”

And at that moment young Rebecca Martin knew this guy was not the guy for her. It seemed just five minutes ago lying on the grass in her small backyard with Russ was enough. And maybe it was, but not anymore. 

The sky was filled with little diamonds. Tears in the universe. Her mom once said that beyond that dark blue sky was infinite light, and all the stars are just little tears in the blanket that covered the Earth at night. Her mom was basking in that infinite light now, and Rebecca hoped she was enjoying it. The blanket they were lying on was soft, the grass the blanket was lying on was soft, the light from their lanterns was soft, but Russ wasn’t soft. Sometimes Russ acts soft. He’ll pretend he understands his “Becky” while she talks for hours about her fascinations. He’ll pretend to enjoy their little walks through the park, Rebecca admiring the flowers. And now he was pretending to understand this. Just laying here. What was so hard about that? 

Well, he didn’t pass this last test. Rebecca shifted her gaze from up above to the boy beside her. His curly hair was messy, his once dreamy eyes were drooping, and that oh so perfect face of his was nodding off to sleep. How the hell was he nodding off to sleep? How can some people be here, look up, and be asleep? The world was alive, they were witnesses to something amazing. Look around. The clouds were waltzing across the sky. The birds had stopped chirping and laid with their young, everyone and everything was quiet. There’s nothing like the night sky. 

The same guy who made her feel so big, like she really mattered, was falling asleep. Disappointing. 

Rebecca looked back up at the sky. 

“Russ, -”

“What?” He jutted in sharply. Looking back on it Rebecca would think he was just trying to prove he wasn’t asleep and wide awake. He was a nice guy, just not the right one. 

“I think we should stop seeing each other.” 

The words cut through the thin air. Too fast. Too strong. Too hard. Russ was taken back. 

“Oh.” 

Rebecca thought for a second maybe she was making a great mistake. Maybe he just didn’t get enough sleep last night. Maybe a family member died this week. There are so many reasons why he could be tired now. But in reality, none of them mattered because Russ was always like this. He was never a deep thinking person. He would never truly understand Rebecca. 

“Should I go?” Russ continued with uncertainty in his voice. 

“Yeah…” Rebecca slowly rose from her favorite place in the world and reached for Russ’s hand. He slowly accepted and stood with her. They walked hand in hand from her backyard, around the side of her house, to the front yard, and to his car, parked just on the curb. 

They both stood looking at each other for a second. Goodbyes are always hard, Rebecca knew that too well. But this wasn’t goodbye, right? They could still hang out, talk, enjoy their lives together, right? 

Russ went in for a quick kiss on the cheek and said, “I knew this couldn’t last long. You and I always were really different.” And with that, he climbed into his black car and drove home.

“BECCA!” 

She knew that voice. She let out a small chuckle. 

“What, Liam?” She let the sarcasm slip in. Her older brother knew her better than she knew herself. 

He faked being stabbed in the chest, “Did you get rid of Russel already?” 

“Yep.”

“Wow. I thought he might be the one…” after a quick pause recognized by both they burst out laughing. “I’m only kidding, Becca! No one thought you two would last, I’m just surprised you gave him so many chances!” 

Liam might have been the most generic boy in the world, but he was special to Rebecca. Before her mom died Liam and Rebecca fought a lot more and they acted like the typical brother and sister. Occasional fighting, lots of snitching, competing for the attention. Things were never the same after her mom died, but it was definitely for the better. They spent a lot of time together now. Watched movies, read books, did arts and crafts. They talked too. 

Rebecca walked into the home she’s known her whole life. Each room filled to the brim with countless memories. Like the time she and Liam were fighting and he threw the white pillow on the couch at her but missed and knocked a photo of mom and her sister in law off the wall. They were both so scared mom was going to be mad, they cried and begged forgiveness, but the second mom saw which photo was knocked down she began to laugh. They were so confused. Mom said she needed a reason to take that photo off the wall anyway. She really didn’t like Aunt Lauren. 

Liam turned on an old Audrey Hepburn movie and they sat on the couch together just like mom used to make them do after a fight. It was late when the movie was finished. Late for a small town at least. Midnight. Liam was snoozing in his loud but adorable way as she was used to after their movie nights. But tonight she still felt awake. Stealthily she crept outside to where her blanket still was and laid down. 

Her mom had given her that blanket at her thirteenth birthday party. It was navy blue and quite basic as it was just meant to be laid down as a picnic blanket, but it’s meaning grew over the years. Many memories were made on that blanket too. Many hearts were broken. Namely, Rebecca’s heart as she discovered that yet another guy didn't understand her. She looked up. 

The world is so big. Not only the Earth but the universe. There are so many people, animals, things in the world. Some may never know who she is. Did she feel small? Yes. But there was something else too. Something she only learned after her mom died. Whenever she looks up at the sky and sees how small she is and feels like she doesn’t matter, she thinks about all the pain she felt when her mom left their world. That was big. She wasn’t small. Just one person affected god knows how many. People leave marks. And that was Rebecca’s last thought as she allowed herself to become sleepy under the romantic sky. She matters. 

And the stars kept twinkling.