Revelation

It was a long day, or what felt like it. The clouds were dark and seemed to darken your mood even more although, not in an angry way. It felt as if there was a heavy weight on your chest. Not only did it feel like something sat there, but it was also dragging you down. Making every minute tick by slower and every action do the same.

It wasn’t as if you were sick, you had something on your mind. Well, rather someone. It wasn’t like you knew this person, it was just the waitress that served you tea and a bagel this morning. She was beautiful, with gorgeous black hair and chocolate skin. Her voice felt like a warm hug and her smile had a hundred stars in it. You couldn’t get her off your mind all day and with her came the crushing realization that you had a life of your own. You had someone of your own. 

You loved your husband, but it was like a candle flickering and dying out. Your love was fiery and fierce in the beginning of your relationship. You married him at a drive-through wedding chapel just to rebel against your parents. They hated him and everything about him. You could never really place why. Maybe it was just because you liked him, and they hated everything about you.

The love you felt for him was intense back then. Back then, you were able to push these kinds of thoughts out of your mind and hide it behind the fire of the candle. Now it seems like a new light is shining and you can’t ignore it. This new light seems to last longer and has gotten brighter with each passing moment. You knew it wasn’t just the girl at the coffee shop that made you feel this way. It’s been growing all your life.

As you walked home underneath the clouds that threatened rain, you thought of how you could break the news to him. It was going to be difficult, not only physically but mentally. You didn’t know that after being solid with someone for 2 years how you could handle being alone. The physical part of leaving someone was pretty much taken care of. You made enough money to where you could support yourself. In all honesty, it wouldn’t be all that difficult. It would just seem so sudden.

But the thought of the woman kept popping into your head. Her smile stayed until you entered your one-bedroom apartment. You rented it because of the large kitchen and living room, not necessarily for the bedroom. You set your bag and apartment keys on your red coffee table and sit down on your black sofa. 

Not long after you sat down, your husband came in, drenched from rain that had started outside. 

“I see you got caught in the rain,” you chuckle as he smiles and takes off his black jacket and hanging it up. You watch him as he takes off his shoes by the door and walks over to the sofa.

“I see you didn’t,” he said as he sits down beside you. You look at him. His freckled face along with his crimson hair and blue glasses make him look younger than he is.

“Do you want some dinner?” You ask and go to stand up. 

“I wouldn’t mind having a serving of you,” You sigh and go to the kitchen. While opening the fridge, you see him get up out of the corner of your eye. He walks over to you and closes the door to the refrigerator. 

“What’s wrong? Bad day?” He asks, concern in his eyes.

You take a step back and say tentatively, “No.” 

“Are you sure?” He asks again.

Just say it, you silently reminded yourself. You knew you'd regret it if you didn't. Your hands were shaking. The weight feeling even heavier like it might fall through the ground if it fell off.

“I think I’m straight,” you say to him. He looks at you confused and turns away.

“What do you mean ‘you’re straight’?” He looks at you over his shoulder, anger in his face, and a bit of hurt.

“I think… I like girls, Josh,” you say, the weight slowly lifting off your chest, “I loved you in the beginning, but I think that- that it was just to get back at my parents. I feel nothing now. No lust, no love, it’s like I’ve become a different person. Our flame has died out.”

“Did your mother call you again? Did she tell you that flame shit?” He asked, angrily. You try to shout back, to tell him your feelings but he interrupts you, “Every time she calls, you get like this. I don’t want to hear it!”

“It was a mistake. I’m sorry!” You can feel tears replacing the weight in your chest. Your throat burned and it was hard to get out any words. 

“I swear to God, Zachary. I would have never married you if I knew this,” he was quieter now. Somehow that made him scarier to you. You took a step back

“Josh…” You tried to say but felt choked up. You wanted to explain your feelings, to get out that you’ve felt this for a long time.

“Just… Pack your stuff. I want you out tonight,” Josh said coldly. Fear felt like a lightning bolt shooting through you. Where would I go? Would I just stay in my car? It’s too cold for that. You thought to yourself.

“Please, not tonight Josh. Just give me another night, please,” you begged him.

“No! I’ve given you years. Now. Get. Out. Tonight!” He pounded his fist on the kitchen counter.

You wasted no time in packing and within an hour you had two duffel bags of clothes and the necessities. After looking around the bedroom, you headed for the door. You took a glance back as you were leaving and had seen that Josh hadn’t left from the position by the kitchen while you were packing.

I hope he’s going to be okay, you thought to yourself and walked out to the unknown.