We Were Once Fifteen

WE WERE ONCE FIFTEEN

“Finally, the bell. It’s a wrap. We can leave? No one needs you until tomorrow, right?”

“We can leave. Sitting around waiting for someone to tell me what to do is, to put it politely, mind-numbing.”

“And ass-numbing.”

“Haha! True! … Lunch?”

“Sure. Where? The commissary?”

“Hmmm. No, we always eat at the commissary. How about Chinese? There’s a great place not too far from here.”

“Sounds good.” 

*****

“Why so quiet, Charlie?”

“Umm, no reason.”

“You haven’t said a word since we left the set. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Sitting around all morning is hard work. I’m enjoying the calm. And I'm especially enjoying the company.”

“I’ve sat through enough filming days to agree with you. And I don’t even have a part in this soon-to-be blockbuster. I’m just a spectator.”

“I know. I’m sorry. You don’t have to stick around while I’m working, you know.”

“I do have to stick around. I’m in town to see you, not bugger off when you’re on set. Besides, who could resist seeing the famous Chance Martin in action?”

“You flatter me! Gimme a hug! You’re my best friend, Chloe, and I love you.”

“I love you too, Charlie. I really do.”

*****

“Here we are.”

“I’ve never been here before. Looks nice. Do they have—“

“Here’s our table.”

“Uh, Charlie? What’s this?”

“Chloe, I’d like you to meet my daughters, Caroline, Bethany, and Amanda. Girls, this is my long-time friend, Chloe.”

“Charlie? What’s going on here?”

“Sit, sit, sit. I’ll be right back.”

“Hello Chloe. By the way, Dad’s name is Chance, not Charlie.”

“So Dad’s old friend, huh? Old, yeah, for sure. How come we’ve never even heard about you?”

“Yeah Chloe, why’s that? You and Dad have some sort of secret relationship?”

“Yeah Chloe, how ‘bout it?”

“I … I …”

“No words, Chloe? I bet you have a lot of words for Dad.”

“I … I … ”

“Cat got your tongue, Chloe?”

“Hang on. … Here, Chloe, my mom wants to talk to you.”

“Girls, what—. Chloe, why are you leaving? Wait. Wait for me.”

“What the fuck, Charlie? What the absolute fuck?”

“I, I, I thought it was time to meet the girls. You’ve known them all their lives.”

“I have known about them, all their lives. I have never met them, nor have I ever said ‘Gee, Charlie, I’d love to meet your daughters.’ And Bethany thought it would be a good idea to call her mom, your ex, Miranda, and get me to talk to her. Not cool, Charlie, not cool.”

*****

“I’m sorry, Chloe. I didn’t think—“

“That’s right, Charlie, you didn’t think. What made you think that I would want to meet them? And that they would want to meet me?”

“I just thought it was time, that’s all.”

“It is not time. It will never be time.”

“W-w-what?”

“Have I ever once, in the forty-nine years that we have known each other, indicated that I wanted to be more involved in your life? I have always — and I stress always — been satisfied with our arrangement. I don’t want more. I don’t need more.”

“But Chloe, if not now, when?”

“When what, Charlie? When what? Tell me, please.”

“Well I figured that now that you’re not married anymore …”

“I’m not married anymore because my husband died. We did not divorce, or separate, or ‘uncouple’. Jack died. And he left me all alone.”

“I'm so sorry, Chloe. I’m here for you, Chloe. Always. I just thought, maybe you’d want to make ‘us’ public, after all this time. I’m trying to make an honest woman out of you.”

“Really? Really? Make an honest woman of me? What damn century do you live in, Charlie Martino? I am an honest woman, and I have always been an honest woman. I do not feel the need to change our relationship. I am quite content with what we have.  

“Chloe …”

“What about Saffron? Does she know that you want to ‘out’ our relationship?”

“Saffron and I separated. She took Brock and moved into the New York brownstone. She left a couple of months ago.”

“Really? I didn’t read about that in People magazine. There was nothing on TMZ.”

“Yeah, well, our publicists released a low key statement that said Saffron and Brock were living in New York so that he could attend Academics West. Apparently it’s a big deal getting into Academics West. And, I guess, it doesn’t hurt when Chance Martin and Saffron Selby donated enough money to build a new theatre complex on the grounds.”

“You bought your five-year-old son’s way into private school?”

“Not so much me, more Saffron.”

“Damn, Charlie! No wonder the girls are pissy. I’m pretty sure you didn’t ever spend that kind of money on them.”

“No, I didn’t. And Miranda is not happy. But, she hasn’t been happy for a long time. Things are quite strained between us.”

“I guess. How pissed would you be if she’d dumped your ass after, what, thirty years?”

“Thirty-two years.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine how she felt being thrown over for a newer, younger model.”

“I wasn’t unfaithful to Miranda. Saffron and I didn’t start dating until after we separated. I didn’t cheat on my wife … Stop looking at me that way!”

“Forgot who you’re talking to, Charlie?”

“That’s different.”

“How’s it different, Charlie?”

“We’ve been together since before Miranda and before Jack. Qw have history. We were each other’s first love.”

“We were. That’s true.”

“And that’s why I want us to be together now.”

“No.”

“Chloe!”

*****

“Stop walking away, Chloe. Slow down! Talk to me!”

“You know, Charlie, when ‘Chance Martin’ is running down the street, people tend to gawk. And take pictures and videos.”

“Then slow down, Chloe. We need to talk.”

“Do we?”

“Yes, Chloe. We need to talk.”

“Fine. Let’s go somewhere private.”

*****

“I didn’t realize that you had an apartment in the city.”

“Yeah. When I realized that I was going to be on location for a couple of months, I bought this place.”

“It’s nice. You decorated it yourself, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did. How did you know?”

“Weeelll, the furniture — no decorator in their right mind would include some of these pieces. … Oh, that photo — it’s you and me, back in high school. I didn’t know you kept it.”

“I did. And put it on display. Those were good times. I loved high school. And I loved you.”

“Yeah, a different time. Before everything changed.”

“Chloe, I bought this place because for the first time ever we’re both single, and we can spend more than a couple of nights together. Give it a try, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll want to spend more time with me. In the real world. Together.”

“Charlie, I love spending time with you. But you’re not part of my world, and I’m not part of yours.”

“But I love you, Chloe. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Do you Charlie? Really? Why?”

“I … I love you and I want to make things right. What happened after high school.”

“Charlie, that’s so long ago. Another life.”

“I know, Chloe. I want to make it right.”

“You don’t owe me anything. What happened, happened. There’s nothing to make right.”

“Chloe, I left you. I didn’t even ask you to come with me.”

“Charlie, I always knew that you were going to leave. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t going to fall apart. I got on with my life. I’m happy to see you when I do.”

“You married Jack. You couldn't have been that upset.”

“Not fair, Charlie. I loved Jack. In a different way than I love you. Jack was my rock. He was a kind man, a fantastic husband, a wonderful father. He understood me, and supported me. We were good together. I have no regrets marrying Jack. If given the chance, I would marry him again. But, he’s not here any more, so I can’t.”

“I’m sorry Jack died. But Chloe, if you loved Jack so much, why were you with me all those times over the years?”

“I was married to Jack for forty-one years. I never lied to him. He knew there was someone, and he knew I occasionally needed to see you. He never questioned me. I’m pretty sure he figured out who you were, but he never asked. And I never told him.”

“But, how …”

“I told him that I had to go, that it was something I needed to do. I told him about it before we got married. He said he understood, and while he didn’t like it, he knew it was my one condition. The only thing he would ever say was ‘I’m glad you’re back.’ The first couple of times, when I came back after spending time with you, I cried, I felt so awful. He’d hold me, and tell me it was all right, that it didn’t matter to him what I did, just that he was thankful I came back. To him.”

“Shit Chloe. That’s messed up.”

“Messed up? Why?”

“The man knew you were out screwing some guy, and he still welcomed you back home. … Don’t give me that look.”

“What did you tell Miranda? Saffron? Where did you say you were when you were with me? Over the last almost forty years? Where?”

“I said that I was working. Which I was. I never lied to them.”

“You’re killing me here, Charlie. Did you lie when we met up in Cairo, after your Arabian Nights movie wrapped? Did you lie when we met up in New York, when you said that you were in preproduction for that private eye movie? Or in Sydney? Or in Hong Kong. Or all those times we met up in LA? Wasn’t that where you lived, Charlie? What did you tell them about why you didn’t come home at night when I was in town? How can you say —“

“It wasn’t a lie! It was, I don’t know, truth adjacent.”

“Bullshit, my love. Bullshit. You lied. I didn’t. How is Jack’s acceptance of our relationship screwed up compared to lying to Miranda and Saffron for over forty years?”

*****

“I didn’t think you wanted to see me again after Jack died. Every time I asked, you said no. Why this time, Chloe? What’s changed?”

“I had to mourn. I’d lost my soulmate. I needed time to grieve his passing. It’s been a year. I’m not angry any more. And I miss him, but I’m getting on with my life. Like I did after you left.”

“What was it like, when he died? … Oh, God, I’ve stepped in again. Sorry.”

“No, I’ll tell you. When you’ve been together for as long as we were, there is sorrow and sadness. But the worst is the loneliness.”

“I’m so sorry, Chloe.”

“The kids wanted to take turns staying with me, but I said no. They were always hovering. Trying to do things for me. It was too much. My friends were better, but still cloying. Jack was the first person in our group of friends to die. We’d had couples who’d divorced, for sure, but I was the first widow. My friends are kind of mystified what to do with me. Should they set me up? Should they still invite me to things that we’d done as a couple? I'm an enigma.”

“How did you get past your sorrow?”

“I’m not passed it, Charlie. I’m not sure I’ll ever be over it. But I waited. Time was all I had. I just let time pass and let myself heal.”

“I’m glad you decided to come this time.”

“Yeah. About that.”

“What?”

“I like our relationship the way it is. We’ve been together since we were fifteen, and we were good together in high school. But you went to Los Angeles, and I stayed home, got my degrees, became a psychologist, married Jack, and lived, for the most part, a normal life. You, Charlie, got your big break, and became a world-famous action hero movie star. People recognize you everywhere you go. I’ve seen it. You have a fan club, for Christ’s sake. Millions of people watch your movies and think that they know you. There is not a corner of this planet that you can travel to and not be recognized. That is not me. It will never be me.”

“Are you saying that it’s my celebrity that’s keeping us apart.”

“Yes, that’s part of it.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll quit. After this movie, I’ll quit. I promise to you that this will be my last movie. I will not do anything related to show business, ever again.”

“You don’t have to do that, Charlie. You love acting. If that’s what I wanted, I would have told you earlier. This is your life, not mine. … What would you do with yourself if you didn’t have acting?”

“I don’t know. What do you do with your time?”

“Well, I’m still working part-time. I garden. Jack and I travelled.”

“We could travel.”

“I’m not sure you could survive the way that Jack and I travelled, Charlie. Camping, hiking, tours in foreign countries. A lot of it on the cheap. We bought a van, and travelled all through Canada and the United States, visiting national parks. I don’t think that you’re a shower-at-a-campsite kinda guy Charlie. I think you’re a yacht-on-the-Riviera kinda guy. At least that’s what TMZ tells me.”

“That was one hundred percent Saffron. She’s the big star in our relationship, now, and wanted to show off. I’m quietly ambling towards old age and obscurity.”

“I don’t think so, Charlie. How much are you getting paid for this movie? It’s the fourth in the series, right? How much?”

“Mumble.”

“Pardon? I didn’t hear what you said.”

“Twenty-five million, plus two points from the box office.”

“Yeah. Charlie, you’re in a whole different snack bracket compared to me.”

“I would quit show biz for you, Chloe.”

“Not for me, Charlie? It’s got to be for you. You’ve got to want to do it.”

“I do want to do normal stuff with you, like camping, and travelling around in an RV, visiting National Parks. I want to give us a try. Please.”

“You haven’t been ‘normal people’ since high school. You’re a big deal. People love you. How are you going to feel when there is no more adulation? No people rushing, at your beck and call. How are you going to feel when I tell you that it’s your turn to empty the compost toilet, or that you have to go buy more firewood. That’s not your world, Charlie. You have people.”

“I want it to be my world, Chloe. I really do. I don’t need people. I just need you.”

“You know what kind of flak you’re going to take when people see us together, right?”

“What?”

“Charlie, I’m sixty-four years old. You’re sixty-four years old. Hollywood people don’t have relationships with people their own age. Saffron is stunningly beautiful, flawless, and much-younger — the perfect Hollywood partner. Even Miranda out-shines me.”

“She’s had work. A lot of work.”

“But she still looks a lot younger and fitter than me. You look younger than me! I’m frumpy, overweight, and I have never dyed my hair or had Botox. My hair is grey, my face is wrinkled. And I’m proud of every wrinkle. People always take potshots at women and how old they look. It’s what Hollywood does. And I don’t want it to be me.”

“Chloe, you’re beautiful. You’re amazing. You’re the sexist woman I know.”

“Only because you’ve known me since I was sexy. Now I’m old.”

“No, you’re not. You’re vibrant and alive. You make me laugh, and I love that about you. Chloe, I don’t care about the tabloids. You’re the woman I want to spend my life with.”

“Maybe I care about what the tabloids say. I’m not sure I want to live my life always being referred to as the 'cougar' who bagged Chance Martin. I don’t think that I can survive the scrutiny.”

*****

“Does anyone else call you Charlie?”

“Hmmm … I don’t think so. Even Miranda calls me Chance. You and my mom are the only people who still call me Charlie.”

“I think Charlie Martino sounds more grounded than Chance Marin. Charlie is such a strong name.”

“Yeah. Nonna — Dad’s mom — couldn’t understand why I changed my name. She was really disappointed that I didn’t keep the family name alive. And she said it was hard to convince her friends that I really was her nipote— grandson — because I wasn’t a Martino.”

“Could you go back to being Charlie, leave Chance on the big screen?”

“Yes. In a heartbeat. If you that’s what you want me to do, I will.”

*****

“Give me a chance, Chloe. Please.”

“How?”

“When I finish this movie, I’ll go camping with you. We can go to the Canadian Rockies, like a trial run. See how it goes.”

“Charlie, people know what you look like. You’ll be noticed.”

“Not if I stop dying my hair. And grow a beard. And wear a hat. I know about disguises.”

“Maybe.”

*****

“I want to meet your kids. They’re probably a lot nicer than my girls, who can be awful.”

“I am fully aware.”

“Yeah, right. Sorry. But I’d still like to meet your kids.”

“I’m not sure that’s going to happen, Charlie. They are not ready to see their mom in a new relationship.”

“Okay, so when will they be ready?”

“I don’t know. Maybe never.”

*****

“May I help you?”

“Yes. I’m here to see Chloe.”

“Mom there’s someone at the door for you.”

“Charlie! What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to go camping. You and me.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay. Come in. Nice beard, by the way. … Kids I’d like you to meet my friend from high school, Charlie Martino …”