Thank you for Giving me a Place to Belong

“Okay, as you all know-”

“Nope, we’re not doing this.”

Zach sputtered, “What do you mean? And where do you get off interrupting me?”

Savannah rocked forward on her toes, “You’re gonna say something like, ‘This is the last game I’ll ever manage for you guys. Let us join together and hug before warm-ups.’ Am I right?” 

Zach didn’t gratify her with a direct answer, “Carine, reign in your stopper.”

Carine looked up her bag of grapes, “I have no power over her.”

“You’re the captain,” Zach deadpanned. 

“Come on, Zach, by now you should know that Savannah doesn’t listen to anyone,” Goldie was in the process of ridding herself from her dark undershirt and her voice was muffled through fabric.

“Yeah, Zach,” Savannah swung an arm around his shoulders, “I don’t listen to anyone.”

“Okay, but-”

This time, Emma cut him off, “Goldie! Scouts!”

“What team?” 

“I lost them.”

Zach looked in the general direction of the bright, silver stands just to see if he could possibly spot them, “Second row. They’re… national?”

“What the heck do you mean national?” Emma squinted harder.

Goldie’s face went pale where she sat on the ground, “Are you sure they’re not just extremely patriotic parents?”

“It'll be fine, Goldie, let me braid your hair.” Carine offered. It was a pregame ritual between the two of them and always calmed both of their nerves. Carine’s hair was already held back in her favorite bright orange headband. Goldie nodded as she tugged her ankle brace over her left foot. 

He was starting to wonder if he’d be able to give his speech to his fellow seniors before kick-off. 

Savannah sat down in front of her, “How are you feeling today?”

“Nervous. Coach said that he wasn’t going to let me play the whole game because of… you know.”

“It’s a good decision on his part,” Carine said.

“Letting me play a full half wouldn’t hurt anything.”

“Do I need to remind you that you got a concussion, broke a couple of ribs, and tore your knee to shreds? You’re lucky you’re able to play at all.”

“I know, Carine,” she winced, “Also, you’re pulling really hard.”

“Maybe if you brushed your hair, I wouldn’t have to pull so hard.”

“The brush is in my bag. All you had to do was ask.”

Carine let the half-braid drop and rummaged through Goldie’s bag.

Zach sat down on the grassy hill behind all of the girls’ bags and took his manager book and roster out of his bag. Coach Danberry had talked to Zach before they left, asked him to try to set up a couple of formations for when Goldie would be off the field. Taking their best striker out of the game was risky, but if Zach did his job right, they’d manage. 

It was… really weird that this would be the last game Zach ever managed. Of course, he was thinking about going into sports information next year, but that was so much different than getting close to the team personally. The Senior Four (a somewhat cheesy nickname that the rest of the sports teams had given Goldie, Carine, Savannah, and Emma) were basically his best friends and he liked to think that the opposite was true as well. None of the rest of the team knew about Goldie's home life: it was a secret between the five of them.

Maybe a little cliche, but it wasn't bad. Maybe he could offer to take them out for dinner or something. The trick would be getting the four of them to agree on where to go.

“So if they’re wearing nice jackets with the US soccer emblem over their hearts and carrying bags with the emblem on them, what’s our decision?” Emma asked.

“Holy crap they’re US team scouts,” Zach couldn’t tell what Goldie was feeling, “Do you think Coach will let me-”

“No,” Carine hit her with the hairbrush, “I will personally tie you to the bleachers if I so much as see you starting to limp.”

Goldie pouted, but pulled her knee brace up and fastened all of the little buckles and straps down and made grabby hands towards Emma, “Help me up.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Emma pointed down to where Goldie’s beaten-up cleats still lay on the concrete. 

“Come on,” she moaned and settled again to shove her feet into her cleats.

“Alright!” Coach Danberry was in his late 50s, grey around the edges and just slightly overweight, but he was fully respected by the team and he knew the game in a way that some of the other coaches in the league didn’t, "Time to warm-up!” The girls all followed Carine and Savannah on a lazy jog around their half of the field and Coach moved to stand by Goldie, “How are we feelin’ today?”

“What response is going to get me the most playing time?” she grinned and tightened her laces.

“An honest one.” 

“I’m good,” she said, “Haven’t had to have anything other than a couple of ibuprofen today.”

“Alright. Take it easy with warm-ups, make sure you get stretched out, and you can start.” he reached down to help her up off of the ground and she took his hand with a wide, excited smile, “But the second you start hurtin’-”

“I know, I know, Carine already warned me she’d tie me to the bleachers.”

“That girl is ruthless, I was just gonna pull ya’,” Coach said. 

“Good to know you’re kinder than our captain.”

“Go make me proud, Kid.”

“Yes, sir.” She jogged out onto the field to join the warm-up circle.

“That girl is gonna be the death of me,” Coach muttered, and Zach wasn’t sure if he should respond, but he did anyway.

“At least she’s dedicated?”

Coach turned and looked at Zach like he had forgotten Zach was standing there, and then he barked out a laugh, “There is that, I suppose." He glanced back at the field and then at Zach, "What kind of formations do you have drawn up?”

In the second half, they had to help Goldie off of the field. To the fans, she left with her head held high, but her team saw her absolute devastation as she bit her lip and hobbled back to the sidelines with Coach on her left and Emma on her right. Emma ran back onto the field when Zach met them at the line, and that was when Zach heard how upset she was.

“Fucking Macy,” Goldie wasn’t a fan of cursing, but she was letting them fly now, “She fucking knew, she did it on purpose- God- I-”

“Take a breath, Goldie,” Coach’s voice was steady, “It’s gonna be okay.”

“What if I can’t play again?” her voice got high and squeaky and Zach and Coach helped her sit on the hill and extend her leg out in front of her, “Coach, what if I can’t play anymore? I can’t stay here, Coach, I can’t-”

“Goldie!” his harsh voice shocked her out of her spiral, “I need you to breath, okay? I know it’s scary right now, but just hold on, okay?”

“Okay.” Her voice was still shaky and she was still hyperventilating a little, but at least she wasn’t cursing anymore, “Did Macy…?”

“She got a red card,” Zach said, “There’s no way she wouldn’t, with a play like that."

Goldie laid back in the grass, panting hard, “At least I went out with a bang.”

“Might’ve been the biggest bang this league had ever had,” Coach said, “I’ll go try to figure out where that doctor is. Sit tight.”

Zach sat down next to Goldie, “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“My- my dad isn’t- isn’t here, right?” she held an arm over her eyes.

Zach glanced out into the stands, “No, he’s not.”

“Can you grab me a jacket?” he handed her Carine’s letterman’s and her own warm up jacket, “I didn’t hear a pop or anything like that. That’s good, right? That’s what happened last time.” 

“Yeah, I’d say that’s good.”

“And I could put some weight on it. It would’ve held me if I had to walk back.”

“That’s good too, I’d say,” Zach said. 

“Zach?”

“Yeah, Golds?”

“Can you tell me what’s going on on the field right now? Who’s my sub?”

“I moved Anna up because she’s fast and she’s got a good shot and she knows how to use it. Lily’s got the ball right now, dribbling past their #9 and passing it to Jane. Anna’s doing a good job of staying on-sides. I wonder how much losing one of their key defenders is, they didn’t move anyone back for Macy- oh, oh Jane sent a great pass! Keeper knocked it behind the goal, it’s a corner kick.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you should go into sports commentary?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’ve got the voice for it."

“Thanks, Goldie. Anna’s taking the corner, it’s looking good- goalie knocks it out again.”

Setting up for the second corner kick took longer than the first time, and Zach leaned back and cushioned his head with his arms, “Hey, Golds?”

“Yeah?”

“I just want to thank you for telling me to ask about the manager position for the team. And I know this past year has been a complete shitshow in every sense of the world and I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it until it was too late, but I’m glad that you’re not there anymore and I want you to know that you have a place to stay at my house too. I’m never gonna be able to thank you enough.”

Goldie pushed herself up on her elbows and let her shirt drop below her chin. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were tear-stained, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” her voice was hoarse, “I tried so hard to cover everything up. I didn’t want to look weak; I still don’t, but now I don’t have a choice with this piece of crap,” she gestured to her knee, “I don’t want you to feel like any of it is your fault. But thank you for being here for me now.”

Literal seconds after their heart-to-heart, one of the athletic trainers came to look at Goldie’s leg. Zach continued to give commentary of the game as the trainer poked and prodded and asked questions about medical history, and finally, they decided that it was definitely an illegal and unfair kick, but that it hadn’t majorly damaged anything again. They gave Goldie a pair of crutches and an ice pack and then turned her over to the US Women’s Soccer Team scouts. Zach had walked to Coach’s side to let Goldie talk. They were tied again with five minutes in the half left, and Goldie looked shell-shocked as Anna passed to Jane and Jane passed back to Kassi. 

“You okay?”

“Tell you later,” she murmured. Now that some of the excitement ad died down, Zach could see the tightness around her eyes as she watched the ball flying across the field. When the ball sunk into the Lynxs' goal, her pain seemed momentarily forgotten as she leapt to her feet and was immediately rushed by the other three seniors.

League Champs. What a weird feeling, especially when you were the only teenager in the bunch not covered in sweat and physically exhausted. Zach hugged girl after girl as they passed him and jumped on each other in celebration. There were tears from all of the players, but especially from the Four, even though Emma claimed that she hadn’t shed a tear and the others supported the lie.

And after another whirlwind of excitement and duffel bags and more tears, they were back in the vans and then back on school property.

The Four all wanted showers, and Zach waited for them to come out. When they emerged, hair wet and in team sweats Zach felt his eyes well up with tears and he blinked them away before they could see.

“Well, Zachy, where are you taking us?” Goldie crutched her way over to the passenger door, this time wearing Emma’s letterman’s over her t-shirt and sweats and brace.

“What sounds good to you guys?” Zach knew that it would result in a cacophony of disagreeing results, but he had a plan in mind, even if it would burn a hole in his pocket from extra gas money and varying meal prices. 

“Okay, okay,” Zach cut through their bickering and pulled the car out of the parking lot once everyone was buckled, “What I’m hearing is In-n-Out for Savannah, Panda Express for Carine, Arby’s for Emma, and Chick-fil-a for Goldie?”

“What, you’re gonna drive all over town to get us dinner?” Emma’s hair was starting to frizz up in the humidity of the car and Zach rolled the windows down to let cool air in.

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

There was an increase in squabbling again and Zach pumped the brakes, “Seat belt check!” Savannah nearly face-planted against Goldie’s headrest, but it got their attention, “Do you guys want food or not? Cuz I can just drop you all back home or whatever.”

It was met with silence.

“Okay. Cool. Now, Savannah, what’s your order?”

They pulled back into the school parking lot when the sun was just beginning to kiss the mountains and Carine used her captain’s key to let them onto the field for what could possibly be the last time. Zach wrestled the quilt out from his trunk and laid it down for them all to sit on and they appreciated each other’s quiet company until their food was nearly gone. 

“Okay,” Zach set his Chick-fil-a cup down, “I just-”

“Nope, we’re not doing this,” Savannah repeated what she had said before the game, but it came out more wobbly this time. 

Goldie took her hand, “Sav, just let him do it. If not now, he’s not going to let it out and then he’s going to keep it bottled up until it bursts in the middle of the cafeteria or something and then it’ll be much more embarrassing for the lot of us.”

“I don’t care about the embarrassment,” Savannah spit out, “I just don’t want to say good-bye yet. We’ve still got a month.”

“But we don’t have any time left to be teammates like this anymore,” Emma said.

Zach resigned to the fact that it would be a little longer until he’d be able to tell them how much they meant to him. 

Carine seemed to pick up on his resignation, because she turned the conversation away from good-byes and onto Goldie, “So, what did the scouts have to say.” 

Goldie lit up, “They said they streamed it to a couple of the national team players and they wanted to congratulate me on good time spent on the field and that they would personally notify whatever teams Macy’s been contacted by. And they also said that they were going to see if I could get onto the draft early after I was healed.”

“Holy fucking shit,” unlike Goldie, Emma was known for being loose with her vocabulary, “National team players want one of my best friends on the National League Draft so that they can dress her up in the red-white-and-blue and take her international and make her famous. One of my best friends is gonna be a face on a cereal box one day!” She reached across the blanket and grabbed Goldie in a tight hug, “I’m so fucking happy for you!” 

“Being in the draft doesn’t mean I’ll be on the national team.”

“It’s a step in the right direction though,” Carine put in.

Savannah had attached herself to Goldie’s other side, and by the time the Four had calmed down, they were all looking at Zach expectantly. Well, save Savannah, but he could tell she was still listening. 

“I want to thank you guys,” he started, “These past four years have been so much more than I had ever hoped for. I came in here knowing absolutely no one, and I was honestly terrified that it was going to stay that way. And then Goldie mentioned in passing that the soccer team needed a manager and I thought ‘what the hell?’ and you guys have absolutely changed my life. You’re the reason I’m going into sports information, you guys showed me what it meant to be a part of a team. Especially this past year. You guys-” he broke off and cleared his throat, “I love you guys. You’re like my sisters. My family. Thank you for giving me a place to belong.”

There was silence for a minute until Emma sniffed loudly, “Goddammit, did you practice that in the mirror at home?”

Carine let out a watery laugh, “That was nice of you, Zach, honest.”

The sun had set beyond the mountains and cast them all in darkness. Zach leaned back and cushioned his head with his arms for the second time that day. The stars were starting to wink at them as the girls all dried their tears and piled their garbage into one lump for Emma to take over, and Zach couldn’t help think that the stars he was seeing looked like they could form a little like a soccer ball. It was cool enough for a jacket, but warm enough to be comfortable, and the astro-turf beneath his arms was just prickly enough to keep him from falling asleep. The air smelled like french fries, victory, and the impending dauntlessness of freedom and thank you’s and good-bye’s. He didn’t want to think about the good-bye’s just yet though, so he made himself listen to the ongoing argument of whether In-n-Out fries were better than Chick-fil-a or if it was the other way around, and he let himself be thankful that he had a place to be.