Suspicious Partners

Percy Smart formerly lived alone in a palatial home left to him by his deceased parents. He is unmarried. Now, he shares his secure residence with an interesting houseguest named Adam. At least, that’s his cover story.

He works on the design team for the game Fortnite at Epic Games. His brilliance in the field is only surpassed by his ability to play the game. As a player, he’s ‘cracked’ and sought after for team play. ‘Cracked’ means he is a dominant and skilled player.

He is also a successful businessman, almost up with Tim Sweeney, the founder and CEO of Epic Games, except more popular locally due to his famous robot snack factory, Percival Smart’s Emporium. He received an invitation to sample and test run the first lifelike AI. The selection process included a questionnaire on the topic. Naturally, Percy knew every answer. Anything to do with robotics is a cinch for him. Take a peek into Percy’s home, and you’ll conclude he’s gone overboard in this genre. 

His general AI Adam is a home edition. It reportedly can manage a household, be a companion like a butler, play chess and card games if required, and pass for a human. Percy can still run his business and go to work. Still, he monitors his AI, Adam, and reports his experiences and conclusions. He received exciting feedback from his gardener and cleaning lady, who come once a week. They met his houseguest, and their comments confirmed that Adam could pass himself off as human. To the extent that his cleaning lady openly flirted with him and the gardener suggested taking Adam on a holiday to be polite to his often neglected guest. Percy is a workaholic.

This holiday further clinched Adam’s ability to pass himself off as a regular person. Brenda, a work colleague of Percy’s, found out where they went, and she turned up with her young nephew Stephen for a holiday, too. She believes she is Percy’s girlfriend, but Percy seems oblivious to this fact once they return home and even ignores her at work. She confides in Adam whenever she is concerned about her romance with Percy. Adam has cajoled Percy to keep his promises to her. She is spurred on by her memories of their idyllic seaside holiday, where Percy expressed a desire to be there forever. She fervently believes this wish includes her and Stephen. Percy has been kind to Stephen, who adores him.

Percy returned home from work, as he usually did, and Adam told him about his phone call . . .

“Hello, this is Percy Smart’s residence. Adam speaking. Can I help you?” He had perfected his phone answering technique.

“This is Percy’s Aunt Hildegarde. I will be arriving this Saturday for a visit. I am bringing a guest along for him to meet. As you answered, I can’t leave a phone message. Who are you?”

“It depends who you are. I am Percy’s houseguest to some, while to others, I am introduced as Adam, the butler.”

“Hello, Adam. I’m not sure I’m happy about you being there. Houseguest . . . sounds fishy to me. Butler doesn’t sound like Percy at all. He’s always been independent and solitary.”

“He’s been branching out these days.”

“Well! If wayward branches get in my way, I chop them off!” 

“I’ll let Percy know his Aunt Hildegarde is keen to help the gardener do some pruning.”

Hildegarde spluttered. "How dare you!"

“Sorry. The gardener is up to date with the pruning. You are welcome to accompany me as another guest.”

She sniffed. “I rather hoped I could convince Percy to take time off work to accompany me.” 

“Percy recently took a fortnight off. I don’t know if he can take more leave.”

“Not like him to take time off. And what did he do?”

“He took me to the seaside for a holiday.”

“He what? Sounds most suspicious.”

“It wasn’t. Brenda and Stephen joined us.”

“And who are they?”

“Brenda is a friend, and Stephen is her young nephew. We had a great time.”

“As I said, I’ll arrive the day after tomorrow. Saturday late morning. I’m driving down with Melissa.”

. . .

“I wonder what she’s up to,” said Percy.

“I believe she thinks we are up to something, Master Percy.” Adam winked.

Percy stared at Adam. “Oh . . . I see.”

. . .

Saturday arrived, and Percy made sure Aunt Hildegarde’s room was ready. The cleaning lady had put fresh linen on both beds in one of the guest rooms in a secluded part of the house. Percy put in a vase of fresh flowers from the garden and checked everything was perfect. He explained to Adam that his Aunt was old-fashioned and very prim.

“Master Percy, I’ve heard you described as ‘prim.’”

“I can’t hold a candle to her!”

Aunt Hildegarde arrived, and Percy opened the gate for her to drive in. She drove her Silver Daimler V8 up to the front door. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Melissa, the young lady his Aunt had brought along. Most women wouldn’t hold a candle to her. They would wish she was one and burn her down to a stump. Her long blond ringlets framed a delicate face, which dimpled when she smiled. Baby blue eyes gazed at him steadily, and her clothing draped gracefully over a slim but curvaceous body. She alighted from the vehicle, her eyes blinked at Percy, but there was something bold about her. Percy fleetingly thought of Brenda’s coyness and how she played with her hair. He missed this in Melissa. He couldn’t grasp exactly what was wrong, but it bothered him.

Aunt Hildegarde asked Adam to park the car after he had taken out their numerous cases and bags. “You may not look like a butler, but you can make yourself useful.” She handed him the keys and turned imperiously to her nephew.

“Lovely to see you again, Percy. And what do you think of Melissa?”

Percy shrugged. Melissa held her hand out to him. “Pleased to meet you, Percy. I’ve been told so much about you.”

Percy briefly shook her hand and then busied himself with their luggage. Smaller bags and cases were left for Adam to take in. 

“This way, everyone. I’ll show you to your room. I’m glad you didn’t bring your dog this time, Aunty. Adam has prepared lunch, and we’ll have it on the terrace soon.”

As they entered the house, Percy’s suit of armour inside the entrance activated and raised its arms.

“Greetings! Please hang your coats and hats here.”

Aunt Hildegarde drew back in horror. “You still have that awful thing!”

Melissa stared. “Is it alive?” 

Percy stared back but didn’t reply. What a strange question, he thought. It was simply a novel coat stand he had wired up to startle guests and hold their gear.

Melissa stood seemingly mesmerised by the large artwork of Isaac Asimov’s Three Rules of Robotics. She finally rushed after them.

As they walked down the hallway into the guest wing, they passed Percy’s room, which had a large bed, and Adam’s room, which had a queen-sized bed.

Aunt Hildegarde sniffed. “Adam’s room doesn’t look as if it’s used.” 

“Whatever do you mean? He’s a guest, and he’s a tidy guy.”

“I mean, does he sleep somewhere else?”

Percy remained innocent. ‘Like where?”

Adam had parked the car in the garage and walked back through the house. He joined in. “She means, do I sleep in your room . . . You know, to be on hand.”

“No, I sleep alone . . . Anyway, I have a girlfriend!” He suddenly understood his Aunt’s line of questioning.

She looked stern. “What, girlfriend? When have you ever had a girlfriend? Is this true, Adam?”

“Do you mean Brenda?” Adam looked at Percy.

“Of course it’s Brenda!” snapped Percy.

Melissa and Hildegarde studied Adam. Adam paused for effect. “Well . . . you’ve never described her that way. When she visits, she visits both of us. Her nephew likes robots, and you have a lot of those.”

Percy’s mouth hung open in shock. Had Adam just thrown him under a bus? Aunt Hildegarde looked at Percy with suspicion. 

“Would you like to go to the terrace for lunch?” said Adam. “It’s all out there. I’ll take the luggage from here.” 

Percy ushered his guests toward a side door onto a terrace where a table had been set, covered with a weighted chiffon throw. He turned back towards Adam, pursed his lips, and gestured like he wanted to throttle him.

Out on the terrace, Percy whipped away the cover and revealed a sumptuous lunch; fresh buns with several savoury toppings to fill them. He poured water for them and asked them to ask if anything was missing. They commenced eating. Percy noticed Melissa took a long time buttering her bun.

“Could I please have a cup of Earl Grey?” asked Aunt Hildegarde. 

Percy left for the kitchen, hoping to catch Adam. As he entered, Percy switched on the jug for the tea. 

“I’ve put all the cases and bags in the bedroom for your Aunt and Melissa. They can unpack them after lunch.”

“Thank you, Adam. By the way, why didn’t you back me up before? About Brenda.”

“Brenda is in love with you. But, I’m not prepared to use her to get you out of whatever your Aunt is trying to organise. My guess is she wants to set you up with Melissa.”

“I’m not available! And neither are ‘we’ an item. That’s why I said Brenda is my girlfriend.”

“And that’s why I disagreed. I don’t like you using her in that way. I will only tell the truth. I am looking out for Brenda.”

“You are supposed to be working for me!”

“By looking out for Brenda, I am looking after you.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I know you have feelings for her but are in denial. You’d be much happier if you were honest and relaxed.”

Percy pouted. “From here on in, Brenda is my girlfriend!” 

“I’m not convinced. It took Aunt Hildegarde to persuade you. When your Aunt suggests you go out with Melissa, insist on a double date with Brenda and me. Leave Melissa to me. She’s rather strange, and I want to check her out.” 

“That would be a lark. Aunt Hildegarde won’t know. You with Melissa and me with Brenda.”

“You go back, and I’ll bring the drinks.”

“Just an Earl Grey for Aunt Hildegarde, please.”

Percy joined his guests. Melissa sat there with a few crumbs on her plate and a half-full glass of water, and she declined a teacake he offered.

“I’ve finished my lunch, thank you.”

His Aunt looked like she was on to another bun, liberally filled with ham, egg, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, and doused with dressing. “Delicious lunch, thank you.”

“Your tea will be here shortly. After lunch, Adam will show you your room so you can make yourselves at home. I’m busy.” Percy tucked into his bun and noticed his Aunt’s shock. Knowing it would be rude, he planned to lock himself away and play Fortnite.

“Percy, I can see you have become too used to doing things to suit yourself. Especially now that you have someone to help. Someone domesticated but too good-looking for the role. It’s time you settled down. And not with Adam.” His Aunt fixed her eyes on his. “Melissa is young and wants to be entertained while she is in town. Tonight, you can take her out to dinner.”

“Mmm,” said Percy. “I suppose she could tag along with Brenda, me, and Adam. Could be fun. I’ll get Adam to leave a meal for you.”

Aunt Hildegarde looked like she might explode.

***

Later, Adam knocked on the games room door. “Excuse me, Master Percy, I’ve organised a restaurant for us. Two tables for two. I don’t want Melissa to be confused about who she is with. And you have to talk with Brenda. Just the two of you. I’m not worried about Aunt Hildegarde. I insist you invite Brenda yourself. I hope she is free.”

Percy sighed and went to use the phone in the corner near the window.

“Also, Master Percy, I have a function where I can eat and drink small amounts and expel them later. I can act the part at the restaurant.”

Percy dialled, and Brenda answered.

“Hello, Percy. It’s great to hear from you . . . Do you really want me to go out tonight? I’ll ask my mother if she’s okay with minding Stephen . . . Yes, I can go. What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm. Adam and Melissa will be with me.”

“Who is Melissa?”

“She’s the pretty date Adam is bringing along.”

“Formal wear or casual?”

“Not formal . . . You always look lovely, Brenda.”

“Thanks, Percy. I look forward to seeing you again.”

***

When Percy pulled up outside Brenda’s in his Tesla, he asked Melissa to change to the backseat next to Adam. He left to get Brenda and briefly met her mother. She was a warm, bubbly lady who, judging by her happiness to meet Percy, hadn’t been told bad things about him. Brenda walked out in a fetching blue pantsuit with a white tank underneath, accented with sparkling blue accessories. What she lacked in beauty, she made up for in style. Percy beamed with pride. She had not let him down. When they returned to the car, Melissa was just swapping over. Had Adam needed to persuade her? He looked at Brenda. She looked nonplussed at seeing such a vision of beauty.

“I suppose she’s a good match for Adam,” she muttered.

“I’m with you, Brenda. Don’t worry.”

Once at the restaurant, Brenda clung onto Percy’s arm and looked daggers at Melissa. Melissa hovered very close until Adam grabbed her and dragged her off to sit at his table.

“What is going on? I’m supposed to be with Percy.”

“No, you’re not. You’re with me. Brenda is Percy’s girlfriend.”

“But you said-”

“I know what I said. I thought Percy should play along with his Aunt Hildegarde. She’s rather a battle-axe. Brenda is indeed Percy’s girlfriend. I never said she wasn’t. We need to talk.”

“What is there to talk about?”

The waiter came to the table, and Adam ordered gingerbeers and Caesar Salads.

“We’re not very hungry,” he said.

. . .

“Tell me about yourself.”

“I came with Aunt Hildegarde to meet Percy. I liked what I heard about him.”

“Then, tell me about him.”

Melissa stared. She didn’t flick her hair, blush, or flutter her eyelashes.

“I believe you are here to spy on him," he said.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You are not . . . real.”

“What do you mean?”

‘I’ve learned the effect I have on women. You don’t behave that way.”

“What do you mean? I look like a woman and sound like a woman.”

Adam played with his hair and fluttered his eyelashes at Melissa.

“What was that?” Melissa stared at him.

“My impersonation of a woman. I do it better than you. It tells me something.”

Melissa blinked and shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re getting at.”

“You’re an AI. Not an intelligent one. And certainly not programmed properly. You are an insult to me.”

“I didn't see that one coming. How have I insulted you?”

“By trying to pass yourself off as human.”

“I’m not trying to. Anyway, how would Percy know? He’s a bit of an automaton himself.”

“Not anymore. He’s learned a lot from his girlfriend, Brenda.”

“She’s not as beautiful as me.”

“Admit it, your beauty is only skin deep.”

“Isn’t beauty external?”

“No. It’s what’s inside. The real Brenda is warmhearted and kind. And she is pretty, in a cute way.”

“I suppose you want to know the truth.”

“I thought you’d never offer.”

“I know I’m wrong. I read the three rules of Robotics at Percy’s. My owners never taught me those. My orders conflict with the first law. I know I must give up my existence to keep Percy from harm. And a Maltese isn’t a human. But she is cute, and Lady Hildegarde loves her.”

“You also speak gobbledegook.”

“I’ll explain. Some bad men have dognapped Lady Hildegarde’s Maltese, Emmaline. They ordered her to take me to Percy, or they would kill Emmaline. When we return to Percy’s, she will have left a note saying she had to go home unexpectedly. She will have her dog given back and then let me know. I am supposed to stay with Percy and spy on him. My trainers mean him harm, I believe . . . I just can’t understand why Percy prefers Brenda.”

“I actually believe you are more obtuse than Percy! Brenda is flesh and blood. You are a very poor imitation of a woman.”

“I suppose you think you can insult me because I have no feelings.”

“It’s not that. You don’t comprehend the first thing about feelings. You can’t even pretend to be female.”

“How about when I find out Emmaline is safe, I let you switch me off?”

“I could just toss you off a bridge. It wouldn’t be murder, you know."

“Can you help me, Adam? I want to live. I don’t know why, but I like you.”

“We’ll work it out, I promise. As soon as Emmaline is safe. When I switch you off, your trainers won’t be happy. They’ll be wondering why you’ve gone off-line.”

“Please don’t make me go back, Adam.”

“Just leave it for now. Percy and I will work on it. Let’s eat our meals . . . I suppose you’ll expel yours later.”

“How did you know?”

“Because I’m an AI too.”

Melissa’s mouth hung open. The first genuinely human expression she had made to date.

The End.