The Fourth Date

It had been a year since I’d had sex.  A very long year. You’d think that an especially dark theatre would be a great omen for a fourth date with the perfect guy.

I had tried online dating half heartedly before.  No, not Tinder.  For a 29…okay, 34 year old woman, the guys I met online tended to consider me kind of old fashioned due to my no sex before four dates rule.  But this time was different.

For one, he seemed to really agree with my no social media stance. When I perused Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and TikTok with my fake accounts, he was nowhere to be found.  Yes, it would be nice to get an idea of whether his mom follows him on Twitter, info on past girlfriends and any other skeletons.  However, in my short history of online dating, rarely did this research help me very much.

While he wasn’t exactly your conventional good looking type that I was used to dating, he possessed a boyishly handsome face with strong features.  I must admit I had envisioned our combined looks on our potential future children, as I refused to allow my kids have weak chins.

And the outtings he had planned.  He was such a romantic!  For our first date, he picked the fanciest restaurant in a neighbouring town and would not settle until he got us a table in the most private part of the establishment.  Our own little secluded bubble to get to know each other.  Sure, it was just lunch, (I made him promise he’d take me there for supper next week), but such a lovely date.  On our second date he brought flowers.  Daisies!  To be honest, I can’t stand daisies, but it was the thought that counted.  And does anyone even do that anymore?  Give flowers on a second date?  I didn’t think so!  I felt so unbelievably lucky.  Our third date was a romantic walk around the city’s river valley, holding hands, with an amazing kiss to cap it off.  He did sound slightly grumpy when I told him about my four date rule.  I am pretty certain that he was just bummed to have to cancel his hotel room reservation.  See what I mean?  Totally understanding and the perfect gentleman!

Which brings us to the ever so important fourth date.  I was totally looking forward to what the night would bring and I think he was, as well.  He mentioned foregoing an actual traditional date, but who did he think he was dating?  I insisted that a proper evening at a movie theatre would be lovely. He even let me pick the movie with only a tiny bit of complaining, so I picked a rom-com.  So many guys claim to hate them, but I don’t believe that for a second.

Our epic fourth date started out so well.  He paid for my ticket and held my hand. I fed him popcorn.  So dreamy!  Things already had started to get a bit passionate during the beginning of the movie and I missed the meet cute, but that’s okay.  Unfortunately, a group of ladies picked that moment to enter the theatre quite loudly.  And they had the nerve to sit behind us!  It wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t shushed me back.  So rude!  And their constant talking made me miss even more of the movie!

Then my man whispered about what he had planned for me later (Those ladies laughed at us! How dare they!).  I am not sure if the power for the entire theatre went out or what, but the movie screen went dark and all of the runner lights dimmed.  As he kissed my neck, this atmosphere was doing nothing for my desert year!  I was ready to tell him to turn on his phone’s flashlight, find the nearest exit, so we could fix this situation.  Unfortunately, an usher told us to remain calm (easy for him to say - it wasn’t his fourth date!) and stay put.  To which all the other annoying moviegoers responded by throwing popcorn - nothing like a glob of faux butter in one’s hair to destroy a moment.  I bet it was those jealous girls sitting behind us…and I even told my boyfriend so.  If they would have been guys, I bet he would kick their asses!  

But he was totally my hero.  It only took a few somewhat subtle hints.  From what I could see in the dark theatre, he stood up and turned in the direction of those horrible ladies.  He started to give them a piece of his mind; told them how rude they were.  Before he could really tell them what he thought of them, the power must have returned and the house lights came up.

“Carter?!”, one of them shrieked.

How did she know his name?

I asked him if he knew this incredibly rude woman and he was speechless for the first time in our relationship.

With a sob, she finally uttered a, “He is my FIANCE!”  

I was gobsmacked.  

My boyfriend was cheating on me! 

Then her friends had the nerve to start pelting me with pieces of candy.  Me!  Didn’t they realize how I felt?  Especially when my boyfriend followed her to the lobby.  And they called me names - why wasn’t anyone in the theatre shushing them??  

Blessedly, they must have ran out of candy, so I could catch the final scene of the movie. Despite my heartache, it really was a decent movie.  Right after the stars declared their undying love for each other, my boyfriend returned.

He looked all shifty eyed at her two friends that remained behind us.  With the scowls on their faces, he was probably worried they still had candy to throw, so he whispered, “Let’s get outta here!”

Who did he think he was?  What did he take me for? “What about your fiancée??”.

“I promise you…that is totally over!”  

I tried my best to ignore the snickers of the moviegoers around me - especially the comments made by her friends.

Just like the soulmates on the movie screen, he looked deeply into my eyes and told me, “I am so sorry that that happened, but it was for the best.  I really feel that I could fall in love with you…”

Staring into those eyes that I had loved for three and a half dates and had implicitly trusted.  Could I trust them once again?

Just as the stars went in for a final kiss on the movie screen, to seal the deal on their happy ending, he leaned in…

And one of those girls dumped Coca Cola on our heads for a sticky, cold shower.