Bound for Oz

TW: domestic abuse

The first thing she noticed was the distinct smell. You know that smell when you’re on an airplane, it’s unique but unplaceable and unbudging. She crinkles her nose with disapproval. This smell would be assaulting her nostrils for nearly 18 hours. Pushing this notion aside, she maneuvers her way through the narrow aisle, avoiding elbows and carry-on bags half peaking out into her path. Clutching her bag close to her chest to avoid hitting anyone already sitting, it would be awkward to injure someone than have them within 250 feet of an enclosed metal tube for the better part of a day. It surprised her how long it took to walk 50 steps to her seat, her already small path periodically blocked by other passengers putting their belongings in overhead lockers, or taking whatever they needed out of their bags. Couldn’t they do that while already sitting? Instead of leaving her awkwardly standing behind them as a queue of impatient passengers waited to finally sit down and get comfortable for their flight. She glanced at the numbers above the seats, realizing she was 10 rows away from her own, and at the very back of the plane. Which comforted her a bit, as she had read online that that is the safest place to be in the event of a crash. Mostly she wanted to get into her seat. Walking down the aisle she felt like she was on a runway she hadn’t signed up for. Every person ahead of her had a full view of her. Although no one was watching, she felt the unnerving sensation of being perceived and wanted to escape to her seat and out of the spotlight. 

As she had boarded the plane, she had no option but to walk through business class, the seats there were similar to tiny little cubicles, with reclining seats that would turn into a bed. Glasses of champagne rested on the multiple surfaces they had for just themselves. Men in business suits and women decked in expensive-looking jewelry read newspapers, not even noticing the people walking through their section. She didn’t even get to see what first class looked like, they had their own entrance, and the curtain pulled across gave her no chance to see what extravagance waited behind it. Her eyes were not worthy. She felt a pang of jealousy as she walked through business and premium economy, which although had no makeshift bed, had much for the room and larger seats. She could already feel the back pain from sitting upright for longer than any human is supposed to her. 

Finally, she found her row and looked down at her ticket, 34B. The middle seat. She sighed. She was going to get up close and personal with whatever strangers she was stuck with for the next 18 hours. As she situated herself, she felt like a sardine, in a sea of other miserable sardines. She contemplated her decision, and now she was stuck here. Perhaps her first flight ever shouldn’t have been a direct flight half away across the world, but the idea of connecting flights overwhelmed her and she had got a good price on this flight all else considered. Plus, she wanted out of this continent as quickly as possible. 

She had gotten to the airport 3 hours early, as she had learned from an online article called “How to handle airports and travel with minimal stress.” Paranoid of somehow missing the flight, she was first in line for her boarding number, 5, the last of course. So her companions hadn’t arrived. Was she supposed to make small talk? Or ignore them completely? She waited to see what kind of people she had before she strategized. 

There was a tiny pulse of hope that ran through her, maybe she would have the row to herself. She could look out the window, spread out, and put her feet up. That felt nice as she leaned against her seat, noticing how hard and stiff it was, how rough the material was. She shivered as she imagined how many butts had been in this seat, how often was this seat even washed? She didn’t want to think about it. Having some space and not being stuck in a rigid upright position for 18 hours sounded very nice. 18 hours. That was a long time, how on earth was she going to make it pass so she wouldn’t be counting down the agonizingly slow minutes? She had bought two books. Which she was grateful for but the thought of reading when her brain already felt like mush did not seem very appealing. She looked at the tiny screen in front of her, movies would help. She gingerly pressed the black screen, unsure how that thing worked. It lit up, and she pressed the movie button, waiting a moment while it loaded. It lagged as she tried to scroll through the options, there was some hope with the options available to her. 

She was so engrossed in finding the perfect film, she didn’t notice the body standing in front of her row.

“Sarah?”

She whipped her head up in confusion. There was no way this was actually happening. What are the odds that on her flight, next to her seat, was someone who knew her? Someone she would most definitely have to make small talk with for hours. 

Oh, Jesus Christ. It was Andi Matthews. Her mouth hung open against her will. Andi chuckled, “What are the odds, 34C.” She slung her bag into the overhead locker, taking her assigned seat, right next to Sarah. “Hi.” She stuttered.

“How are you?” Andi asked breezily.

“I’m fine. How are you?” Sarah’s words felt stuck in her throat.

“I’m good. Why are you going to Sydney?” Sarah didn’t know how to answer this. Of course, now she remembered, Andi had family in Australia. “I’ve always wanted to go, so I thought, now a better time than any.” She said out of her ass. 

“Oh, fun! Let me know if you need any recommendations.” Great, this interaction probably wasn’t going to end on this flight. “Thanks, I will.” She said with a tight smile. “How long are you visiting for?” Did she have to give her the 3rd degree? “A few weeks.” That was a lie. She had no intention of leaving the continent after she got there. Wanting this painful conversation to end, she turned her attention back to the screen in front of her. Andi wasn’t taking the hint. “What about Sam?” “Huh?’ “Your finance?” Oh shit. What about Sam?

“He couldn’t take time off work.” This was technically true. “He asked me to send him lots of pictures.” She added.

She was not going to send him lots of pictures, because he would never see them. He was dead in their apartment, a pool of blood slowly staining the hardwood floor. No one knew, they wouldn’t for a few days until people started asking questions. By then, Sarah would be across the planet, figuring out what her new life would be. 

“You know, I don’t think I ever got the chance to say this, but I’m sorry about your parents, truly, how are you holding up?” Andi leaned in, empathy dripping from her mouth. 

“Thank you, It’s hard, but I’m holding up.” That was the reason she could even bring herself to leave the life she had spent 27 years building. She had no one left. It was easier, much easier than the rest of her life in prison. 

Now Andi was going to make it harder. Sure, it would take a few days for her to get the news, and Sarah could have traveled multiple miles by then, but having someone who knew her, and knew her face, was going to add challenges. The minute Sarah touched down, she was making her way to the West coast, as far away from Syndey as possible. That meant going through the outback, and she had no idea how long that would take, or if she’d even survive it. 

“How is Sam?” She asked casually. “He’s fine.” She replied, fighting off the sweat threatening to run down her brow. 

Then, she remembered her secret weapon, a sleeping tablet. “I’m probably going to take my sleeping tablet now, to make sure I’m not too jetlagged and stuff when I get there.” She announces nonchalantly. “Oh sure, don’t let me keep you,” Andi replies, slightly taken aback by Sarah’s standoffish attitude. Sarah gently smiles, pops the sleeping tablet in her mouth, and pulls her eyemask over her face. 

-

Sarah sluggishly regained consciousness. She didn’t know how long she was asleep and was afraid to make too much movement in case she invites another conversation with Sarah. She lifts her eye mask and timidly turns to see Andi fast asleep, she sighs. The cabin is dark, and she can feel the movement of the plane steadily underneath her. No one was in the seat next to her by the window. At least that was one upside to this situation. She wakes up the screen and goes to the flight path button. 10 hours left. Her stomach grumbles, she has missed dinner, and her mouth feels dry. Her back ached from being in its upright position for 8 hours, falling asleep before the plane took off, she had no opportunity to recline the seat, which didn’t do much, but was better than nothing. This was punishment, not being able to get up in fear of waking up Andi. She is being punished for what she did. Her own mind has kept surprising her through his whole ordeal. She expected shame and guilt to coarse through her, to fall to the ground and weep and sob onto Sam’s body. None of that happened, she felt nothing, she had calmly stood up, her mind clear, knowing exactly what to do. Was she a sociopath? She had been able to compartmentalize so well until Andi showed up. Maybe now wasn’t the time to analyze her psychology, but she had nothing better to do. Deciding against this, she did what she had to do, she justified herself. searching for a movie, something light and comforting to ease her mind. Seeing the familiar movie poster of Elf, she thought that was sufficient, what is happier than Christmas? 

-

2 hours left. Sarah had gone through 3 movies, gotten breakfast and a drink from the steward, and now felt better with her stomach full. She felt the familiar feeling of her bladder filling, requesting a bathroom trip. This was not ideal, Andi had stayed asleep the whole time, which Sarah was thankful for, but that posed an issue. 2 hours, she could hold that until she woke up or the plane landed, right? Trying not to think about it, she put on another movie.

She had greatly underestimated her own body. 30 minutes later, she couldn’t hold it any longer, she had no option but to gently nudge Andi. Who groaned quietly, coming back to life. 

“I’m so sorry for waking you. I need to use the bathroom.” She couldn’t hide the guilt in her voice. 

“Of course,” Andi replied, voice hoarse, she slowly unbuckled her belt and stood up to let Sarah pass. 

Sarah collected as much of the trickle of water coming out of the tiny tap into her hand as she could and splashed it on her face. Meeting her reflection, she felt unnerved. 

“Less than 2 hours left. You can do it. You did what you had to do.” She sternly told herself, more to try and convince herself of the truth of these words than anything else.

“He was going to kill you.” She wanted to shake herself.

Mustering up the courage, she went back to her seat, Andi, acknowledging her, stood up to let her back into her seat. There was no denying the awkwardness between them, as they both stared straight ahead. 

“Is it okay if I get a little personal?” Andi asks out of the blue.

That made Sarah very nervous. “Yeah.”

“I saw the bruise on your wrist.” Sarah instinctively pulls the sleeve to cover the purple mark on her left wrist. 

“I had no idea, I guess it’s not something mentioned out loud a lot. I pieced it together while you were asleep. Anyway, I want you to know.” She turns to meet Sarah’s fear-struck eyes. “Your secret’s safe with me. If he contacts me… I know nothing.” Sarah’s eyes soften. “Thank you.” She means it. “Of course, I won’t bother you anymore.” Andi smiles, for the first time in a long time, Sarah doesn’t feel alone, and now, as she reckons with her decisions, she realizes this feeling won’t last once she gets off this plane. Her isolation controlled her decisions, and they were still controlling her. In an effort to be free, she hadn’t considered isolation wasn’t the only option for her. For the first time since it happened, she felt sad, but she had no other choices now, she had made one and all she could do was stick to it. 

-

For an hour she battled with her mind, her only relief was the plane preparing for arrival. Something to occupy her mind, She felt relief as the plane touched the earth again, and anxiously waited for her to be released from her cage. She almost jumped out of her seat when the seatbelt sign finally went off. She gathered her stuff, ready to start her new life. As they started filing off the plane, Andi turned to her.

“If you need anything, you have my info. I’m here for 2 weeks.” “Thank you.” Sarah contemplated confiding in her, would she keep her secret? would she be complicit? Sarah didn’t know, she had to sleep on it. Finally, she saw the exit of the plane, she was so close to freedom. 

She stepped off the plane and was met by two police officers. She froze, and they looked at her. 

“Sarah Stewart.” They asked. “Yes.” Defeat flooded through her, she had lost. They had 24 hours, and for 18 of those, she had been stuck 30,000 feet in the air, none the wiser. She had never considered that Sam’s mother would drop on for a surprise visit, find her son dead, and her future daughter-in-law missing. One simple search on Sarah’s laptop would have provided all the information she needs. She had been sloppy. 

“Please come with me, we have a few questions.” She nodded, there was nothing she could do but comply. 

“Sarah?” Andi stepped off the plane onto the jet bridge. Sarah turned to meet Andi’s confused face as she was escorted away. All Andi could do was watch, piecing it all together once again.