I Won’t Give In

Sharon

I take my time getting dressed, I’m trying to find something cool to wear. According to the weather it’s going to be a very hot day. I’m getting ready for our yearly barbecue at my nieces’ house. I know my daughter Theresa is going to be there too. She comes every year. I wish she would give me a break and stay at home this year. Truth is I haven’t seen her or my granddaughters since last year at this time. I am always amazed at how much Nia has grown. That’s my youngest granddaughter. This year she is going to be sixteen years old. She’s the reason me and Theresa had a falling out in the first place. Theresa got her silly behind pregnant at thirty-nine years old. I was there for her when she had my first granddaughter, Jennifer. i was so excited when Jennifer was born. I convinced Theresa to buy a house with me. I know that was not her dream but by the time I told how great it would be to watch her daughter run and play in the backyard, she began to see things my way. Thank goodness Jennifer‘s father was out of the picture so I didn’t have to worry about him throwing a monkey wrench in my plans. We lived a happy life for fifteen years and then Theresa went and fell in love again. Sure it had been fifteen years before she allowed herself date, let alone fall in love and have another child but she had obligations to me. I told her that too every chance I got. Sometimes the arguments got ou of hand. I mean there was lots of yelling and when we weren’t yelling we just didn’t speak to each other at all. When she finally announced that she was moving out, I didn’t hold back I called her everything from stupid to selfish. As she stood in the living room pouring her heart out to me, she had tears streaming from her eyes. She said, “Ma I love yo. I would do anything in the world for you but I can’t stay here anymore. This house just doesn’t feel like home. Home should be a place fill with love. At the end of a hard day at work home should be a place I can’t wait to get to. It should never be a place that I dread.” I knew the day was coming when she was going to leave. I had many conversations with Kayden, he’s my babyboy. He said, “Ma you’re fool if you forgive Theresa first for having another child after everything you have done for her but I know you will.

Yo are just going to let her walk all over you and your feelings. I’m telling you it’s time for you to put your foot down.“ I remember asking him, “Have you forgotten that I am Taurus the bull just like you I can be stubborn when I want to, you just watch.” So the day Theresa began to load her bags into her car, I told her if she leaves this house she will never be allowed in the door agai, not even for a visit. That was sixteen years ago. Since Theresa left this house I have been struggling trying to keep this mortgage paid. Truth is this house is about to go into foreclosure but I will never let her know that I need her help. She once had the nerve to say, It’s time for us to lay our weapons down. I let her know in no uncertain term, I am not ready to lay my weapons down. I leave my bedroom and start down the stair.

Theresa

As much as I look forward to the yearly barbecue I am in no hurry to get there. I know my mother is going to be there. Can you imagine not wanting to go somwhere because your mother will be there? I feel terrible saying that out loud but it’s true. Don’t get me wrong I love my mother. Moving out of that house was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Truth is I had to leave that house for my sanity. I just got so tired of arguing and fighting. I did the best I could to explain my state of mind to my mother but there was just no getting through to her. The more she tried to convince me that I was wrong for having another child the angrier I got because I am a grown woman. I have a right to make my own decision. Besides I was in love and Luther loved me back. I just wanted her to understand for once in my life she needed to back off and just let this love thing run it’s course. I remember when I was a little girl she promised she would never try to make me choose between her and the man I fall in love with. I’m sure Kayden that’s my brother. I’m sure he was offering Ma advice even though he couldn’t help her even if he wanted to. He has never worked a day in his life but he’s full of advice. I would love to say I moved out of my mother’s house and lived happily ever after. Well, that is certainly not the case. Let me tell you, I had lived with my mother for thirty nine years so moving in with a man was something different and it was definitely not an easy transition. There were times I wanted to call my mother and beg her to let me come home but she let me know in no uncertain terms I was not welcome in the house for any reason. so I sucked it up and put on my big girl pants and learned how to survive my fear is that this will always be an unresolved issue between my mother and I. We have been apart for sixteen years now I don’t know about her but that really bothers me because tomorrow is not promised to either of us. The saddest part of all is Nia will never know her grandmother or the great person she used to be. I could really use my mother in my life but just like her I have feelings too and I will not continue to allow her to hurt me and treat Nia like she’s something on the bottom of her shoe. Since she refuse to lay her weapons down, I’m going to keep mine at the ready too.Well it‘s time to head out to the barbecue. I hope all goes wel.