Learn from the past; Prepare for the future

It was a typical morning in Mumbai, and I was on my way to work.

 Never did I expect that what I thought was a typical morning, would be the one that would change my life forever, once again.

                                                                                   ***

I started walking down an abandoned lane, jut for a bit of change from the typical morning routine. My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a mail, work-related. I replied to it, slipped the phone back into my pocket, and looked up.

 I froze. My brain seemed stop working. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

               I took a step forward after recovering a bit.

“C-Chris?” He smiled. I felt my knees getting weak. Was it really him? For heaven’s sake, were all those horror movies I liked to watch really true? Had Chris … come back from the dead?

               “Hey!” He shouted out, lifting his arm and waving at me. Wait, ghosts weren’t supposed to do that, were they? They were supposed to stay silent, lurk in the shadows, and disappear whenever anyone living saw them, weren’t they?

               He ran towards me. I could just stand and stare. My mind couldn’t seem to process what my eyes were seeing. It kept asking them to recheck.

  He hugged me. “Girl, you never came back, where were you all these years?” I just stared. “Chris … aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Dumb question, I know – but hey, I was in shock!

               He stared. “Me? Dead?” he looked me up and down, concernedly. “Where did you hit your head?” What? I pushed him away. “Chris, I’m not joking! How are you still alive?”

               Chris frowned. “Saina, what the heck? Who told you I was dead? Seriously, is this a joke?”

               Confused? Well, let me tell in you in detail. Then you’ll see why I believed him to be dead.

                                                                                               ***

It was about three years ago. My mother had passed away a few weeks before, and I was sitting in my living room. My three best friends, Chris, Krishna and Larry, had decided to go camping. They had tried hard to convince me to go with them, but I had just ignored them after listening for some time. Then they had threatened me that they, too, would not go if I didn’t come along. That was when I booked a car for three and sent them back to their own houses to pack their bags.

               It had been decided that Chris and Krishna would first visit the campsite, and later they’d pick up Larry, as he had some important work to do.

                                                                                ***

That afternoon, a terrible thing happened.

The car, with Krishna and Chris in it, had an accident. They had been winding down a hill, when, at a sharp turn, another car came speeding around the corner, and, as their driver tried to avoid crashing into the car in front of them, they went too close to the edge and … I don’t need to tell you the rest.

               In the hospital, it was hard to calm Mrs. Sen down. We ourselves were in deep shock. Chris’s mother was already dead, and Chris, Krishna and Krishna’s mom lived together like a family. It must’ve been hard for her. And just as hard for me, too. My relatives had no connection with me - all of them lived in Kolkata, miles away. I had an elder sister, but she was away in the US, pursuing her doctor’s degree. My mother was the only family I had left, as my father had been dead for years, but even she was gone. My friends and Chris was the closest and only thing that I had to family. And now …

               I was in great sorrow. I decided to leave. Both my friends were still hospitalized. We had been told by the doctors that there wasn’t much hope. The driver had been declared dead the moment the doctors saw him. Now, my two best friends were counting their last breaths.              

               The day before I left, I decided to go to the hospital for the last time, and say my goodbyes. On arriving, Larry told me that ‘one of them was dead’. He was teary – eyed. I had never seen him like that. My heart jumped in fright. I didn’t want to know who he was talking about.

 I knew that I could always count on my friends when I was weak. Same thing went in vice – versa. But this time, I was afraid that neither of us was going to be strong.

 I was terrified of knowing.

“C-C-C-Chrish,” she buried her face into her handkerchief. So it was Chris. The only thing that     stopped me from crying was my shock. Larry stood quietly, his head hanging. I could see the teardrop that rolled down his cheek and splashed to the ground.

A doctor came out. I hoped he didn’t bring bad news.

 “Ma’am … I’m very sorry for your loss, but hard as we tried, Ms. Sen couldn’t be saved.”

Ms. Sen? That meant Krishna, too. So much for hoping for good news.

That was it. I turned to Larry. “I wish you weren’t leaving, Saina. Two of my friends are dead, one leaving, and I have a wailing mother to handle. I wish I, too, could start a new life somewhere, along with you and Mrs. Sen … but my job is already too unstable,” He poured out. “I just can’t come.” His head was still hanging. His eyes were red.

We moved in for a hug.

               I didn’t feel it was within me to say anything. That day, we both had tears in our eyes. Usually, when one of us cried, the other tried to cheer them up with a few crude jokes. But today, both of us were just … crying. We knew any words were useless. We had to part. Something we could have never fathomed would happen, had happened. We were both in shock, and neither of us could even think about joking or trying to lift the mood.

               It was a sad day.

               I left for Mumbai. I established myself well in the City of Dreams. But I could never really get over what had happened back in my old hometown. I found a new batch of good friends in Mumbai, but none of them could come close to what my old friends were like. And I never found a guy like Chris again.

                                                                                               ***

So you can imagine how surprised I was when, instead of finding a guy like him, I found Chris himself!

               After I told him all this, Chris stared at me for some time, giving me the feeling that he thought I was mad. Then he started laughing. Finally, he turned serious again.

               “And do you still think that I’m dead?”

               ‘Well, actually, not really. But I still don’t get it!” We were sitting in a small roadside shop, sipping two cups of tea and talking. There was still time for my office to start, so I was comfortable, and eager to know where the misunderstanding had been.

               “For God’s sake, girl, tell me exactly what Mrs. Sen told you when you reached the hospital and were asking about us.”

               “The memory is a little foggy … but I’m sure it was your name she said!”

               “And I’m sure that it was not my name she said. Anyway,” he sighed. “Now that this mess is cleared up,” he looked at me with twinkling eyes. “Why don’t I move in to your house before I purchase an apartment of my own?” I readily agreed.

                                                                                       ***

That night, we were sitting on the couch in the living room, talking about our day, when I suddenly mentioned Larry.

               “Hey, don’t you wish Larry were her with us? Have you got his phone number?” He seemed to stiffen. I had no idea why. I didn’t care. I was too happy to.

  “No,” he said in a tight voice.

               “Oh. Okay. Well, then, let’s go back to Delhi, what do you say? Maybe we can bring Larry and Mrs. Sen to Bombay? Live together?”

               “NO!!” He shouted, standing up. His teeth were bared.

               “Chris, what the heck? What’s the problem?” I was highly alarmed. Had I said something wrong? But I had just asked about Larry. I didn’t see any reason for him to get angry about that. On the contrary, he should be eager and excited about the prospect of going back to our old hometown, meeting our old friend and Mrs. Sen, bringing them back to Mumbai, and giving them the life they had been wishing for since the accident!

He smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Oh, no problems, my dear!” The smile vanished. “At least for me.”

He walked over to the switch-board. “There has been no misunderstanding, no confusion.” He switched off the lights.

 I received a humongous shock, for the second time that day. Chris was glowing! It was as if solid, silvery mist made up his entire body, and everything about it was just an illusion, a trick of light! Or maybe I wasn’t seeing right. I blinked a few times. Looked again. Still the same thing.

               “C-Chris!” I stammered, just as I had this morning. He started floating a few inches off the ground, as if he was clearing my doubts.

 “Oh god-oh no…” I stood up, but my legs were extremely wobbly. He smiled. Again, the same cold smile. He spread his arms. Wow. The guy was seriously creeping me out.

               “Oh, Saina, Saina … how much have I missed you!” I couldn’t move. I knew I should run towards the door, but I just couldn’t move. All those times when I shouted at those heroes in the movies to run and save their life, and now that I was in the same position as them, I couldn’t do a thing. I was paralyzed, in other words.

“I missed you so much,” He continued. “And I know you have, too.” His eyes held deep yearning, almost enough to pity him for. Almost.

               “Now, I’ll ask you only once.” His face hardened. Gosh, the guy should be in Hollywood. The way he changed his expressions … serious stuff.  “Then, I will show you my newfound power.” He glided towards me. At this point, I was seriously considering making a run for it.

 “Will you come with me?” I opened my mouth, but couldn’t get the words out. Great. I tried again. This time, I succeeded. “Where to?”

               “Oh - you know.” I did know.

               “Saina, you have to come with me – either of your own free will, or I’ll drag you along. Why don’t you come of your own free will, eh? It will be more pleasant, I promise.” Pleasant, my hat. Obviously, I didn’t say this out loud. Not that I could, anyways. My usually unstoppable mouth was, for the first time, stopped. Would you believe that?

               “Never,” I whispered. Okay, I was able to get that out. Then, I ran for it. A sudden rush of adrenaline did it. I ran blindly towards the door in the dark. Miraculous, I didn’t crash with anything.

 At that moment, many things happened at once. Chris shook his head, saying, “You asked for it,” I felt like he’d just thrown a lasso around me, and was pulling hard. I nearly fell over, but somehow managed to maintain my balance. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to look back ever again. I just kept trying to run. To go forward.

 The doorbell rang. I knew it was my only chance. But I was slowly sliding back. He was pulling me, and hard. It was not possible for me to resist. I felt as if my consciousness was slipping. He had started his magic. I knew I had to get to the door. It was my only escape. But I was weak. I could hardly resist being pulled back to him. I felt lightheaded. With the last ounce of my strength, I lunged forward. My hand rested on the doorknob. I just needed to twist it and …

“I’m too strong. There’s no escaping now. You’re coming with me. Nothing is going to change that.” And I believed him. I believed that I was done for. There was no escaping. He was a spirit. A ghost. I was a powerless mortal. I was nothing to him. He would just jerk me back, finish his magic, and …

I opened the door. The lights turned back on. I fell to my knees. My breathing was laboured. After panting for a good amount of time, I looked up to see who was standing at the door, waiting so patiently for me to finish my antics.

Again, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Larry! Gosh, he had changed! He grinned. But the grin was still the same. There was still that same childish spark in his eyes and face.

He helped me up.

               “Miss me much, ma’am?” I sighed in relief. I looked around. Chris was gone.

                                                                                 ***

               What happened was this – Larry had been missing me too much since Chris and Krishna’s death. He had tried hard to find a better job. When he failed to actually find a better one, he decided to educate himself a bit more. He took up engineering. Got a better job. His posting was in Mumbai, exactly as he had hoped for.

               In return, I told him my story. There wasn’t much to tell him. Only what had happened tonight was actually interesting.

               After I told him about it, he frowned. “I’m sorry, Saina, but I didn’t tell you about my own personal encounter.” He leaned back. “I, too, encountered a spirit. Right before I started for Mumbai.” He looked at me.

               “Krishna?” He nodded. Before he could say anything, I scowled at him. “What made you think that you didn’t need to tell me?” He sighed.

               “Seriously, I might have told you afterwards, but I didn’t want to spoil our reunion, you know.” Before I could give him a piece of my mind, he persisted on. “Anyway, she, too, tried to take me with her.” He smiled. “But we humans are so persistent. So… desperate to live.” I smiled, too, and leaned back, like him.

               “We can spend our time happily, you know. I, too, am going to work in the same office as yours.” I had nothing left in me for more surprise.

“Why don’t we just order something and go to sleep? I can give you my gasp tomorrow morning.”

               “Sure,” he said and whipped out his phone. “Because I’m so happy, I’ll let you have dinner on yourself.” Seemed that he, too, had nothing left in him to argue.

                                                                                               ***

               I realized that day that I should stop worrying about the past and just live the present to the fullest. I knew that the specters had come because me and Larry were thinking about them too much, yearning for our old friends too much.

Now that I live more openly, I can see that my new friends, too, are awesome. Larry, now, was the Chris of my life. I had a good job, I worked for intelligence in the army, and was doing noble work. This incident had freed me from the prison of my own brain.               

                                                                               ***

Let me give you some advice. Do not dwell on the past. What has happened, has happened. You can’t change it now. If it was your fault, improve yourself. Don’t let it happen again. If it was not in your control, let it be. Dwelling on the past, constantly reminding yourself of those horrid moments – well, take an example from me and Larry. You’ll get a small idea of what could happen.

Be happy for what you have. Learn from what you did. Be prepared for the future. It is in your own hands. And who knows, you might even avoid an encounter with a ghost or two!