Halcyon

Halcyon: A period of time in the past that was idyllically happy or peaceful.



"Ten!" The crowd shouted from the living room. 

I finished topping off my glass of champagne, watching the bubbles float to the top together. The kitchen was empty except for me. They had all gone to the living room as the final countdown at started on the big screen. 

She was there too. Standing in a shimmering, black cocktail dress with matching heels.  

"Nine!" 

That was the same outfit she wore to last year's party. It was more of a tradition now. Especially if that outfit didn't bring any luck to you the following year. It sure as hell didn't for me. If she was doing as well as she keeps saying she is, then why is she wearing it? 

I turned and went to the doorway of the kitchen. Between shoulders of people, I saw her curled hair. It bounced as she did, the bubbles of the champagne almost causing her to take flight.  

Many people were sad drunks, or angry drunks, or hype drunks. But she was a happy drunk for sure. Especially with champagne in her system. It matched her usual bubbly personality and the pop of the cork was her passion for whatever subject she was hooked on that week. 

“Eight!” 

Next to her was a tall man wearing a red sweater, a black collared shirt underneath to match her. His hair was gelled and combed perfectly. I could almost smell the cologne from here. That same cologne I would smell on her those nights we met in cheap motels and parked cars. The same cologne to mark what was his, no matter what we did or what she said. The cologne that covered up my own perfume easily, keeping the secret as well as our own lips. 

The smell of jealousy and yearning and lust. All of it released as we were together, but only to build when we were away. Standing in the living room of friends’ parties and watching them in the corner of the room. She would smile and talk with him, but her eyes would wander to me. On a walk to the bathroom, her eyes would ask me to follow and my feet would easily agree. 

But this time was different. 

“Seven!” 

She stood there with him. Not even looking at me. All night, her eyes were affected by an unforeseen barrier around me. Looking everywhere but my general direction. Even at the beginning of the night when I walked into the house, he walked over to me and gave me a clap on the shoulder, asking how I’ve been with his normal charming smile. 

I could see why she liked it. That smile was nice to look like and I could imagine waking up to a sleepy version of that smile or seeing it over dinner, behind a glass of whiskey as his eyes followed her form.  

It was easy. 

“Six!” 

Easier than seeing my smile in a dim room or in the lights of a parking lot. Sneaking glances across the room, making sure no one sees what smiles are exchanged.  

I walked through the crowd of people to stand behind the couch, closer to my group of friends. They all grinned and raised their glasses, waiting for the countdown to end. 

He stood there next to her, watching. A hand went to his pocket and there was a knowing look in his eye. But we all knew what was coming. I’ve known it since the day she left. 

Even though I begged. I pleaded. I knew it was all in vain. I knew he was the easier option. He has been since freshman year of college. And four years later, it was the only option. The best option. 

“We both knew this wasn’t going to last.” She had said to me the last night we met, sitting on the edge of the bed and putting on her shirt. “This was just something to help. A release. But it’s over.” 

That’s all it has been, for almost a year. A release of whatever has been between us. 

“Five!” 

I don’t know why I thought it was anything different. Or at least I wanted it to be different. But it never was. At least for her. In the nights we spent together, I wanted it to last until morning, but she always left. The other side of the bed would be cold when I woke up and knew their bed was warm.  

Staring him in the face at every get together got harder. Before I could easily do it, knowing what was going on between closed doors, with a secret that would eat him up inside. But seeing his smile exchanging with hers, I knew it would change.  

“Four!” 

He turned around and looked to the man next to me, who held up a phone. No doubt he knew what was going to happen and wanted to capture it. A part of me wanted to go back to the kitchen, grab the hardly opened bottle of whiskey, and walk out the back door. Something kept me in the living room. 

This was something I needed to see, no matter how much it might hurt. I needed to watch the ending of our story. A dead end with no turning back to what could happen or what might be. 

Or maybe a part of me wanted her to reject him. To state that she couldn’t marry him and walk out with me into the sunset. 

But that’s never how these things work. 

“Three!” 

He took a step behind her as her eyes were trained on the screen in front of her. His hand came out of his pocket, holding a small red velvet box. 

Our friends around us nudged each other and pointed with hushed tones, ready for the extra excitement. I took a sip of my champagne, watching her knowingly turn towards him with an excited smile. He held the box behind his back, wrapping an arm around her waist. 

“Two!” 

She put a hand on his chest and grinned, her face close to his. 

“One!” 

Instead of pulling her into a kiss, he knelt on one knee and held out the opened box. A diamond ring glittered in the light of the ball on screen, descending to the bottom. She put a hand over her mouth as if she was surprised and nodded. 

He wrapped her in her arms and kissed her deeply. 

“Happy New Year!” Everyone yelled in unison, except for the couple. 

As they hugged each other tight, I could see her eyes on me as I drained the rest of my glass and turned towards the kitchen.