Worst Decision

After my partner of 3 years passed away, I fell into a deep depression. He died in my arms after the nurse pulled him off life support. I never had someone so close pass away, so it was very traumatic. I was a single mom, age 35 with two awesome kids. My kids were close to my partner, he spoiled them. My whole life changed after he was gone. I went from on top of the world happy to a very dark place quite quickly. 

He wasn’t the wrong guy I fell in love with. The guy that slithered into my life afterwards, was definitely the wrong guy. 

Normally I would be more cautious with who I’d let into my life. But since my partner died some months prior, I still wasn’t in the right head space. I threw myself into work to try and cope. I had no time for counselling. Work, home, take care of my kids everday. Feeling absolutely lost but trying to be as strong as I could.

One day I received a phone call. It was a friend of my partner and he needed a place to stay for a bit.

So of course I felt like I trusted him enough and I let him move in. He was always good with my kids and the 2 years I had known him, to me he seemed like a really decent human being. 

At first it was working out great, he was very helpful. He even helped me pay of some old debt that my passed on loved one left behind. I never, for one minute had a thought of ever getting involved with this guy. But somehow over time, we had developed feelings for each other. 

For the first 4 years or so he was like a god send for my kids and I. To the point where my youngest even started calling him “dad” 

But just when I started feeling content with him, I started noticing little things that didn’t seem right with his behaviour. It started out with him losing his temper over the littlest things. Not everyday but concerning enough. I just thought it was because of the stress of not finding work. So I would always encourage him and support him but it didn’t work. His behaviour slowly just got worse, not just temper but I had caught him in little white lies as well. He was growing distant from me. I couldn’t talk to him about anything anymore. As much as it hurt me I felt like maybe it’s time to move on. 

My kids didn’t like him anymore. He was starting to be verbally abusive. 

The first time I called the police was when he was having a temper and yelling, and he started banging on the ceiling. I told him I was going to call the police, he grabbed the phone out of my hand and broke it. So I left to the neighbour to use the phone. He locked me out. He was arrested and he had a restraining order. 

Needless to say I ended up letting him come back, although I didn’t trust him anymore. I felt so attached to him and I loved him. I thought I would give him another chance. He was very convincing. In my gut I did feel like it was a mistake though. And sure enough it wasn’t long before he started with his erratic behaviour again. But it was worse than ever this time.

I was feeling lost. I didn’t have any support. It was also embarrassing to me so reaching out for help was not happening. I felt like I had to deal with it on my own. To be clear, he never put his hands on me, yet. 

He started to isolate me to the point of me feeling like I needed to leave my job. I had also learned that he was telling our neighbours lies about me. I soon figured out that he was cheating. I had enough. I wanted him out of my life. I decided I wanted to move back to my family on the coast. 4 hours away. So I gave my notice and started packing. He had moved out a month before I decided to move.

When he found out I was moving he wanted to help me pack and move. He also wanted to reconcile the relationship. I didn’t have any trust left for him, but I did need the help. I let him help. He ended up talking me into letting him move with me. So this is the point where I’d like to go back in time and kick myself in the a#$. 

To make a very very long story short. He was cheating all along and in the end he put me in the hospital, with major bruising and whiplash. He stripped me financially, emotionally and literally stripped me from myself. My kids made it though with more strength, courage and understanding than I could of imagined. My daughter graduated 4 years ago and my youngest will be graduating this year. They are happy and doing great now. 

I’ve come a long way as well but I still suffer from ptsd and depression. I’ll never forgive myself for letting this sick man in my life. I have much regret. One day at a time. I just work on myself now. Working out, eating healthy and enjoy peace in my life. I try not to blame myself for falling for the wrong man. Sometimes they can hide their true colours for a long time and they can be very good at it.