It was during the second winter of the COVID-19 pandemic that we first learned of a deadly mutated strain of the virus. This strain the most terrifying yet. The virus not only mutated, it evolved. It evolved out of the realm of our understanding. Beyond our cognitive and scientific abilities. It no longer attacked the body; it attacked the mind. A catatonic like psychosis overtook its victims. A sinking heaviness would precipitate indefinite sleep that led to a certain early demise. All who contracted this mutated strain would succumb. It was theorized that the virus was ‘unlocking’ neuro pathways in the brain. Opening up channels previously closed. It started with a surprising increase in those effected by serious mental illness. A measurable surge of individuals displaying newly psychotic behaviors emerged associated with the evolving strain. A certain fatal mutated version however was thought to change the brains chemistry thus triggering a catatonic psychosis. Panic and fear spread faster than the virus, another virus of sorts. Those who became afflicted with the mutated virus would fall prey to the heaviness of sleep and lulling hallucinations. Sleep without waking until the prognosis of death.

My job you see is to watch over those afflicted with this mutated strain. The ‘unclaimed’ as we call them. They are the homeless, the abandoned, the mentally ill, the elderly, the forgotten. Those who wither away in slumber, hundreds of them. I witness nightly the peaceful death the body surrenders to when asleep. The work fits with my solitary life. I have no real family to speak of, no significant other, no children, not even a pet. I have cultivated the ability to become invisible in any environment. A gift I have nurtured. I can stealthily move about a room. I have made my presence so small that others continue personal conversations in my presence. I am quiet and keep to myself. I am awkward and unbearably shy.

              Nightly I walk the rows of bodies in beds. My friends. They lay perfectly still, relaxed, the easy ebb and flow of natural breath. They lay perfectly still with the exception of one thing. A flickering smile. They all shared this feature. It does not seem to matter that the body was dying because they were happy somewhere deep in the mind. They would pass whilst they slept, the heart would slow over several days despite interventions that should have no physiologically reason not to work. Predictably the heart would slow to such a rate unsustainable with life, but a smile would still affix them all. In rigor mortis and on. When the monitor above a bed would begin to chime, I walk slowly to the bedside to hold the hands of the dying. For it was surely not long. But the happiness in their faces made me sad and only deepened my frown.

 One night I walked to the chiming bedside of a women. Her cheeks sunken, pale, dry skin. I silence the monitor and sit, her thin frail hand in mine. Her heart rate slowed. 50, 47, 44, 40, then into the 30s. Here she goes. I gripped her hand tighter. 38, 33, quicker now. I could feel the strong slow beats as her heart made its last powerful flushing strokes. Suddenly her chest filled with air! A loud powerful windy inhale! Her chest raised off the bed before she choked on the air. Her eyes flung open. Her heart raced. Grimacing her body became stiff and seizure like. We locked eyes both realizing the powerful grip we still had on each other’s hand. Her body quickly relaxed and she began to speak, “It’s an island. Oh GOD, an indescribable island! Oh GOD! I was warm from the inside out. I radiated the sun!” Her face grimaced and twisted an ugly contortion. Red blotches appeared on her face and neck, her lips sticking together with a thick white film as she spoke. Sloughing flakes of her lips fell off. She made no tears when she cried.

 “The island is everything. Everything you need it to be. I had no pain. None of the physical and finally relief from the pain of my mind.” As she spoke on about the island her eyes fixed on the ceiling tile above us never blinking, not once. Then suddenly, she became forceful, grabbing me tighter, pulling me in close. Her breath was foul, the whites of her eyes yellowed. I recoiled but her grip was stronger than expected. Panic in her eyes, she rapidly spoke, “I have to get back! I could have stayed forever. I don’t have much time I can tell! What have you done?”

I shook my head rapidly my mouth parted but unable to speak. I heard the loud alarm of the monitors from above her head. I look up to see her heart rate dropped to 20 then to 15, finally resting in a flat line. But not before we locked eyes again. I saw it then, the island she spoke of. I felt its presence and saw its fleeting reflection in the blacks of her eyes before the gray film of death washed over them. 

Her grip on me loosened and her hand fell slack to her side. I sat back stunned. I felt I had just seen something forbidden. But seeing it in her eyes unlocked something in me. What was seen could not be undone. My thoughts, feelings, and emotions all barriers! I saw a place where you can be free from pain and mental anguish. Your body moves freely, smoothly without consciousness you are a pure free ‘being’. One with not a worry or care; because you simple never learned. The island welcomes you, warms you, the waves soothe your sorrows. Washes away years of hurt to reveal only you in your purest form. Stripped of pain both mental and physical. Shangri-La. She had reported a heavy dark shadow descended her, taking energy from every mitochondrial of every cell. “It was welcome. I was not afraid. My mind opened. You let it take you. Race, sex, social status, emotions, this matrix! All barriers! They fall away. And when the heaviness of my eyelids lifted, and it did, I was the most refreshed I have ever been. It was as if I had woken from a crypt like sleep and the cool ocean air was my first re-energizing breath. I was invigorated!”

 After, whilst I remain at her bedside, I imagined my pains were gone. I was purely connected to my consciousness; my spirit was free and lifted. I could breathe with ease, my body wrapped in the warm silky tropical ocean air. Feeling only pure love and acceptance. The warm sun filled me from inside out and I radiated! The sweet rhythmic sound of the teal waves crested and crashed around me. Pure tropical beach bliss.

              Eyes still locked I removed my ventilator hood slowly and placed it on my lap. My outer gloves then the inner. Gently and methodically, I removed the remainder of my protective equipment until my bare face gazed upon hers. A rare sight these days, one’s bare face. 

                   As one could predict, several days later I fell ill. A certain calm washed over me. I felt as if I lay on the islands ocean edge, where every waves slow recoil sunk me deeper into warm wet sand. And when the mental fog begets upon me, I let it. And when the heaviness encroached; eyelids being pulled closed by the eternal weight of deep sleep I found a small dark corner to hide away in. Where I could be certain no one would find my body before its organ’s came to complete rest. And just as the warm darkness descended, I could hear the softly crashing waves and smell the warm briny air. ‘Rest now, tired simple being’ the virus lulled. And I did.