Number One Enemy

“We are running out of time. We have a ton to cover this semester. I want every hands to be on deck or your locker whatever as long as it is not in your pocket. No time” 

That was our economic subject master Mr Charles Okiro on one of his numerous vibrations he usually starts his class with. We used to wonder when Secondary School students has choice of time in any school setting in Nigeria. Our duty was to sit on our various positions and mop and nod along with the teaching until the master decides that it is time to call it a day. 

The fact of the education issue here is that our local lingo isn’t complete enough as language to teach in. English as medium of teaching is Hinderer to deeper learning. The teacher using it doesn’t really understand the language well, how then are we the students to understand it well. 

Take for example our science master Mr. Chuma. This is a guy we really don’t understand throughout our stay in that level of education. He is a solo man, an introvert of highest order or Maybe an arrogant man of highest order I really don’t Know which is which with that guy. He prefers to make science lab is office instead of sharing staff room with others. He prefers to isolate himself away inside that lab like hibernating animal. He doesn’t want any teacher near him. I suspect there is an element of proud spirit at work in him then. 

Observing them, I think that he believed that the other teachers weren’t qualify enough to be near him or teach in secondary level or too local like some of those teachers were described then in late 80s. Not civilize enough to have any business in classroom let alone secondary level. But they overpopulated it that 80s. 

The guy himself was one of the only two University graduate teaching there then. That time, we don’t even know the difference between University graduate and teachers training college TTC graduates. Both was the same to us. But University was level 8, TTC was level 6. To us students, all are the same. Among themselves, they knew their levels.

Our classroom was situated away from other classrooms and staffroom. It was attached behind the science lab near the football pitch. As with students, once no teacher is in front of us, African market noise starts. Have you ever watched any African movie where they show scene of African market, you see the type of noise going on there. That is exactly what was obtainable then in our classroom once no teacher was there. Mr. Chuma will March out from his office to our classroom and came out with his own line like Mr. Charles:

    “ If I hear any noise again from here, I will wallop your heads. You dunces”

Guys, everyone mastered that line too like “time is not our friend” line of Mr. Charles. That is the first complete sentence every student master first before trying to put ours together. Before 2000, guys, English language is what you learn in secondary level not like now they capture the thing in nursery levels. All those lines from those teaches, I suspect even stretched back to when they were in their secondary level, picked up from their teachers also. 

Wait, do you still recall the line from our mathematics teacher I have narrated to you before?

      “ At this junction, I cross multiple” line. We picked up that one too, powdered it, watered it and ignorantly filed the thing away in our memories only to be put in our proper place by an external invigilator from our local government Secretariat that came on official duty one Tuesday morning. 

The best recorder like we like to refer to those students that can master and recite lines with easy in beautiful accented English and has gut to come out to stand in front of the whole assembly to speak in white man's language. The law was to make out ten minutes each morning in the assembly to allow any willing students to stand in front of others to say anything in English language. I think the aim was to encourage public speaking or something to that effect. 

So guys, our best recorder had thought that very morning that he was doing the school and the teachers favour by rushing out to utilize the allocated time in front of the Secretariat man. He let fly the combination of all the line he had heard the teachers use non-stop and few he acquired from God knows where:

  “…so, at this junction, I must make chance for others to speak to avoid having my head wall up” 

The invigilator smiled to himself ruefully and marched in front of us to let us Know that it is not junction or wall up but juncture and wallop. Guys, that correction compounded our confusion more. We have never heard of juncture or wallop before. Even the maths teacher was as confused as we the students judging from the look on his face. We suspected from the way he was mopping at the guy that the line must have also been picked up from the his secondary School days and was feeding us the thing as he believed it to be while Mr. Chuma was eyeing bout vest recorder with controlled anger. For sure, our maths teacher doesn’t even know the true meaning of his own trademark. 

       “ At this junction, I cross multiple” instead of “ At this juncture, I cross multiple”

Any noise here again, I wallop your head.

At this juncture, I cross multiple

Time is not on our side, time is our enemy

My friend, face Everyday market side

If you make noise again, I send devil to you.

Guys, English language is not a kid’s mountain to climb here. It’s a fearful thing to stumble on it in front of other students. Any mistakes from you becomes your own trademark. Mistakes from fools always becomes a new style to other fools. That is the root of the fear. 

No matter how bad you are in other subjects, once good in English, you are the king. 

Guys, one holiday period, I was in my father’s shop helping him out in a well known wholesale market in the city here when I sighted Mr. Charles Okiro my economic master pushing few provisions in a wheel barrow with a lottery booklet in hands. That was the day I realized why University graduates don’t like to teach in secondary level then. Their salaries must have been nothing to write to anywhere about. If not, why is the guy walking up and down under the African sun just to supplement his earnings. 

    I am not sure if he noticed me or doesn’t care. He was explaining to a man interested in his wares the regulations. I overheard him asked the man in English.

     “ Why do you do shiii”

  The man who sighed after hearing him became defensive.

   “ I didn’t do shiii”

   “ But I heard you do shiii”

They went on in that manner for a long time and that was when I realized that both doesn’t know that the sound is called sigh in English. Then, I heard him once more.

  “ Are you interested or not. If you want to sign, sign. Time is not on my side”

I chuckled seriously from my end when I heard that familiar line from him. “Time is my enemy”