Apocalypse Meh

April 12, 2026

Today was...weird. I got up and made coffee for me and the dog and a notification came through. I thought it was an Amber Alert the way the phone was buzzing and ringing, but it wasn't. When I checked it the notification was in all caps and said ALIENS HAVE TAKEN OVER. I thought it was a joke. I checked TikTok and after a few videos I started seeing people crying. They were talking about the sudden government collapse and the arrival of our new leaders. No one had any pictures of the aliens, just their ships. The ships looked like nothing I'd ever seen. Like floating Twinkies, which reminds me, I need to go to the store. Anyway, the aliens are here now. I called my boss earlier to see if I still needed to come in and he said I did. So, it doesn't change anything for me. The news bursts started hitting my phone, right after my second cup of coffee. The aliens were going through our laws and removing a bunch of stuff they didn't understand. They got rid of the whole government and sent them home. The President deployed the army and national guard, but the aliens did something and all the weapons stopped working. They couldn't fire a single gun or missile. When the soldiers tried to force their way in they disappeared. More notifications came in after that. Apparently it was a worldwide invasion. People are saying you can see the ships in the sky at night. They look like blue stars. I might take a picture and post it on Insta. I called my boss again around lunch and he said I still had to come in. I had a sandwich today. It was pretty good. I need to load it in my meal tracking app. I haven't done that yet. Max had kibble and I gave him some turkey. The world's ending you know. He can have some turkey. So far there's only been a few deaths. The news tried to blame it on the aliens, but people started fact checking the reports. None of it was alien related. It was just people being people.

April 13, 2026

I went to work today, but it was only me and the boss. No one else showed up. I tried to make the deliveries, but most of our customers were closed too. I brought back over half the truck. The city was half empty. It's like the Walking Dead, but there's more cars on the road. The deliveries I could make were easy. I could park right next to the building. Who knew an apocalypse would make parking easier. I heard today that the aliens went after our food supplies. They brought some kind of seeds that could grow under any condition. The plant they produce provides all the essential vitamins and minerals a person needs to live. It's free from all allergens according to this TikTok influencer I heard. It's also grows very fast. From seed to edible in 2 weeks, but they destroyed all the corn. They said corn isn't good for us. I think it's their weakness, but my boss says they don't have any. They're calling the new plant minone. It's probably going to end world hunger.

April 14, 2026

Max woke me up early and I took him for a walk. When we got back I made bacon and eggs for both of us. I hope it doesn't upset his stomach. My therapist told me to keep this journal a few years ago. She said it would be good for me to write down my thoughts. It's a way to process what's going on around me. I went back to work again today. It was just me and the boss again. I called everyone before I made deliveries this time. That way I didn't have to load so much on the truck just to take it off. I made like three deliveries. There were more police out today. Seems like some people are robbing some of the stores down town and taking stuff. They didn't mess with me though. It's really hard to keep following the traffic laws. The lights turn red and no ones coming, but I sit there until it turns green again. The aliens brought out unicorns today. Swear to god, real unicorns. The aliens said they abducted all of them before they could go extinct during the flood. Those things are the most majestic animal I've ever seen. They are doing tours with them across the country. I can't wait until they come here. Their manes are rainbow and the hooves are made of diamonds. Some people were posting videos of them on TikTok. I think I saw Robert Irwin with one.

April 15, 2026

What's left of the military tried to do a counterstrike on the aliens today. It didn't go well. They tried using their guns as clubs. Whole groups of soldiers were disappearing and winding up in Greenland. They even tried the tungsten drop thing. I saw it on the history channel once. I didn't think it existed, but it does. It didn't work either though. They stopped it with a gravity ray right before it hit the ground. It was all over the internet. The aliens got rid of gasoline also. They brought some kind of renewable fuel source with them. It's the size of a penny and can power a car for 400 years. I don't know what all the gas stations are going to do. The old government has a TikTok account. They are telling people to stay inside, supposedly something big is going to happen tonight.

April 16, 2026

So last night they tried to strap a nuclear war head to a plane and fly it in to the aliens main ship. It didn't work. The plane and warhead turned to dust. The aliens announced today they were getting rid of money. They made a website where you can order what ever you want and a big drone comes by and prints it out. You can order anything. I got a new dog house coming for Max, he's excited. My boss called me and told me not to come in anymore since the aliens got rid of money. He said there's no reason for me to show up. I told him I'd be there anyway. It's boring staying at home, waiting for the world to end.