Meeting Johnny Depp

Meeting Johnny Depp

Scene One

“Good morning Matthew.”

“Good morning Sarah, you’re looking tired this morning.”

“Oh, flatter me while I’m down, Matthew. Yeah, I didn’t sleep very well last night. I just kept dreaming and dreaming. I thought I would stop by for one of your strong coffees. You know the one that dilates your pupils and makes you walk in circles?”

“Very funny; I know just what you need, but one of my special expressos is not going to help you this morning. Settle down in one of my overstuffed chairs in the back by the bookcase after picking out a good book and I will deliver something to soothe your soul and mellow your mind. You may even fall asleep back there. It’s a slow day, so no one will bother you.”

“Thanks Matthew, I am open to any concoction you come up with as long as it tastes good and helps me relax. If I do fall into a deep, uninterrupted sleep I will take back everything bad I ever said about you.” 

“Very funny, go relax and Prince Charming will ride in on his white charger with a secret potion for his Sleeping Beauty.”

”On my way, my Lord.”

“Ahhh, I forgot how comfy this old chair is Matthew. All I need is a footstool for these tired old feet of mine.”

“Your wish is my command, dear lady. Here is my secret potion guaranteed to send you off to Never Never Land or wherever it is that you young ladies visit in your dreams.”

“Okay, I may never leave. The foot stool is perfect and this potion, whatever it is, tastes delicious. Thank you for your kindness, dear sir. Now get out of here so this princess can drift off to, where did you say? Oh, yes, Never Never Land. Do you suppose Johnny Depp will still be there?”

“Sorry, Johnny Depp? I don’t get the connection with Never Never Land?”

“Oh Matthew, you need to get out more. Johnny Depp starred a movie called Finding Neverland. It was about J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan.”

“Whatever…..perhaps Mr. Depp will be waiting for you. Sweet dreams.”

“Thanks Matthew, off with you, my liege.”

Scene Two

“Wake up, wake up. You are lying in the middle of my field.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean you are lying in the middle of my field!”

“Who are you? Where is Matthew?”

“I have no idea who this Matthew is, but you, young lady, are lying in the middle of my field; more precisely, the middle of my row.”  

“Wait, where is the café? Where is my comfy chair? And where is Matthew? I was just sitting in the back of his café a moment ago.”

“I still don’t know anything about anyone named Matthew or any such café, but you suddenly dropped out of the sky into the middle of my field!”

“Oh no, I must be dreaming. This is not happening. Where is this place and who are you?”

“Can’t you see? I am the Scarecrow and this is my field and my row and you are now sitting in the middle of it. How do you expect me to scare any crows if a pretty girl is sitting beside me?”

“Okay Matthew, what did you give me to drink and how did you make yourself look just like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz?”

“My name is not Matthew and who is this wizard?”

“Okay Matthew, I remember that Ray Bolger who played the Scarecrow was also Hunk in the black and white portion of the film, but you don’t even look like you. What did you give me to drink?”

“Look Miss, you need to get out of this field before the farmer sees you. My sole purpose is to scare the crows and I am not expected to talk.”

“Exactly, a real scarecrow cannot talk and yet there you are, talking away, so I know you are not real.”

“Well, you have me there Miss, but that is a long story and I don’t have time to explain it to you now, so please just get up and leave my field.”

“Okay, I will play along with you for now Matthew, but I want you to know that I am on to you and your games; which way to the road Mr. Scarecrow?”

“Straight down this row and turn left at the end, this will lead you directly to the Yellow Brick Road.”

“Oh, c’mon; the Yellow Brick Road? This is ridiculous. Where are my ruby slippers? And where is Toto?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, just leave, please.”

“Okay, okay, I’m off, off to see the Wizard. Bye Scarecrow, although I have a funny feeling I will be seeing you on the Yellow Brick Road a bit later.”

Scene Three

“This is ridiculous. A talking scarecrow; a yellow brick road? Have I fallen into a Frank Baum nightmare?”

“Okay, I am playing along, Matthew, and there is no Yellow Brick Road. What do I do now?”

“Wait, what was that light?”

“Why that’s Tinker Bell, she won’t hurt you.”

“Who said that?”

“Up here, Miss, in the tree behind you. It’s me. My name is Peter Pan, what’s yours?”

“Oh, you have to be kidding. C’mon Matthew this is too much.” 

“Do you have a friend here too? I didn’t notice anyone when I saw you land in the field.”

“Wait, you saw me land in the field? Did you see a scarecrow, a scarecrow who could talk?”

“To be honest, I was busy playing with Tinker Bell and did not pay you much attention after you fell from the sky.”

“I fell from the sky? Do people fall from the sky a lot around here? Where am I exactly?”

“Why this is Never Land. Isn’t this where you wanted to be? Everyone loves Never Land.”

“Oh boy, yes, I know all about Mr. Barrie’s imaginary Never Land where no one grows up and no, I did not want to be here. I want to be back in that comfy chair in the café.”

“What’s a café? “

“Never mind, never mind. I am sure Never Land is a lovely place Mr. Pan, but if you can just show me how to fly, I will be on my way.”

“Sorry, I can’t show you how to fly; you have to do that all on your own.”

“Oh, yes, I remember, just think happy thoughts, isn’t that the mantra?”

“I don’t know anything about a mantra, but thinking happy thoughts will help you fly.”

“If only I could think of something happy right now. Nothing right now is making me happy. I am filled with dark thoughts like killing Matthew when I see him.”

“Is Matthew one of your Lost Boys?”

“Good grief, don’t worry about me Peter, I will find my own way home. Thanks for your concern.”

“Be safe, Miss and keep an eye out for Captain Hook. You don’t want to run into him on your way home.”

Scene Four

“Oh no, the Scarecrow again. Why am I not surprised? 

“Hello Miss. I guess you were right. Here we are. But where is the Yellow Brick Road?”

“Great question, Scarecrow. I didn’t find it but I did run into Peter Pan and Tinker Bell.”

“Who?”

“Never mind, I am mixing up my fairy tales. Wait until I see Matthew.”

“So which way, Miss? “

“Why are you asking me, you live here, don’t you know the way?”

“Sadly Miss, there is the problem of the brain. I don’t have one.”

“How silly of me, of course, the Scarecrow has no brain. And will the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man be joining us too?

“Who?”

“Never mind. Let’s just go this way and with any luck I will walk right out of this nightmare.”

“Whatever you say, Miss.”

“Okay, now I know I am dreaming. Only in my dreams would I see Johnny Depp trimming the trees. Okay Matthew, I am ready to wake up. Enough is enough.”

“Do you know that man? I’ve never seen him before.”

“Of course you’ve never seen him, because he does not belong in your story. He is from a film called Edward Scissorhands and you are from the Wizard of Oz.”

“I know I don’t have a brain, but I am confused. Edward who? Wizard of what?”

“Enough, enough. Let me wake up. I want to go home now. Dorothy was right, there’s no place like home.”

Scene Five

“Matthew, Matthew, where are you?”

“What is it Sarah? I looked in on you earlier and you were sound asleep.”

“There was nothing sound about that sleep. What was in that drink? Funny mushrooms or something?”

“No, it is just an old mixture my grandmother gave me years ago. There is nothing magical in it. Why, did you have a nightmare?”

“I’m not sure if it was a nightmare or a dream, but I did see Johnny Depp at the end.”

“Well, isn’t that the fella you wanted to see? What’s the problem? You just sit there and rest, Sarah, I will let Uncle Henry and Auntie Em know you’re awake.”

“What?”

- The End -