Content warning: spoilers for folk tales.
The woods did not want them there. Dead leaves cracked beneath their feet and silent crows sat in judgement above. The wet reek of rotting autumn was falsely sweet, and the black mud clung to their clothes and dragged them down. The sun never reached the trails on even the brightest day, and when it set, the shadows choked the paths.
Albrecht raised his torch high. The flickering orange teased the darkness and little more. It provided no warmth against the winds that promised winter.
“Conrad!” he called, his voice small. The name was soft, light, and swallowed by the murk around him. A meager meal not worth even an echo.
“Conrad!” called Hille, Albrecht’s wife. She clutched her shawl tight with one hand and held her own light aloft. “Conrad! Ursula!”
No reply.
How many times had they called those names, never once wondering if there’d be an answer? A dozen times a day? A hundred? Sometimes a loving call, other times a sharp reprimand. Oh, what he’d give now, to hear Conrad make up another excuse about shirking his chores – he’d gladly buy the boy’s lie. Or to hear Ursula lament about her prospects in town, how nobody could possibly be good enough. He’d swear to her that he’d find her a prince, and spend the rest of his life seeing it through. He’d give anything for this, and if he’d chance upon the Devil himself, he’d even offer his soul.
But the Devil had more sense than to travel those woods.
Albrecht looked around and saw distant pinpricks of light in the forest. Tiny red eyes constantly blinking, black branches trying to scratch them out. Muffled cries rose from them, from the other townsfolk, all of them shouting their loved ones into the void.
“Otto!”
“Anne!”
“Lena!”
Still no reply.
The forest exhaled another carrion wheeze and all the lights vanished. Albrecht’s torch sputtered in distress, the fire nearly torn from it. He brought it low to shield it with his body, to protect it as he might have done his children. Might have done.
It began raining. Drops as cold as iron cut through the grime on Albrecht’s face. His torch hissed each time it was stabbed. Hille shrunk deeper into her shawl and Albrecht wrapped his arm around her. He couldn’t tell which of them shivered more.
Few of the distant lights returned. Whether that was because of the rain, or the wind, or… but no. They all swore, they would look until they found something. Until they found them. Their children were lost and alone and needed help.
Hille rasped. She was out of tears and too tired for panic. “You should have paid him.”
He couldn’t tell if she really said it, or if it was the same voice that had been nagging at him since morning. The voice that offered no quarter and no reprieve. The voice that ignored every time he agreed with it, every time he begged to make things right. It wasn’t the Devil that tormented him, because it too ignored all his pleading, all his offers to make amends.
What were a thousand guilders? Repairs to the bridge? A new church?
“Fair wages for a job well done,” the piper had said.
But how could Albrecht justify paying anything to that shifty sorcerer? The vagabond diabolist probably cursed their town in the first place.
Still, if he had a second chance to pay now, he’d take it. In the end, a thousand guilders cost them the soul of Hamelin.
“You should have paid him,” Hille whimpered again. She shrugged his arm off as they continued trudging through the benighted woods.
I should have, he thought, but no matter. The deed is done. His gaze fell to his feet. They were so encrusted with mud that they blended into the ground. He couldn’t tell where he ended and the earth began, and the mud pulled at him, dragged him down. I’m already half in the grave. My only hope is finding our children, and I’ll not rest until we do. Only thus will I be redeemed.
And then we’ll revenge ourselves on the piper.
The ground was an oily sea, too deep even for shadows. Albrecht never noticed when the path descended. His foot came down hard on the air and missed, and he tumbled down a sudden hill. Each time he rolled, the frigid mud grabbed more of him, covering his clothes and skin, blotting out his eyes, damming his ears. He tried to scream as he went down, but the mud crawled into his mouth. It seized his tongue, burrowed into his throat. Buried his breath.
He rolled for an eternity, legs smashing trees and arms striking stones. His body learned the language of bruises and breaks, and when he finally stopped, a burning coughing fit overtook him. He could barely rise to his hands and knees, exhuming the dirt in his gullet in wracking waves. Dizziness. Searing wounds. Cold sweat. And when he opened his eyes he was in total darkness.
All he could hear was the splattering of rain, and the only smell was the stench of rotting undergrowth. His hands sunk into the congealed mud, but he also found his fingers wrapping around harder things – stones, maybe, or roots. Perhaps, he imagined, he kneeled before a great tree that would judge him.
“Albrecht!” he heard a faint voice. He looked for it, unable to place the sound and each turn of his neck a fresh shock of pain, but then he saw a thin light behind him. Hille slid carefully down where Albrecht had fallen, holding her torch precariously.
“Here!”
“Albrecht!” On steady ground, she hiked up her skirts and approached him.
He rose to his knees. When the small circle of her light enveloped him, he looked himself over. He was sure he was bleeding, but he couldn’t tell blood from water. It didn’t matter anyway. The mud clung to him, hardened on his skin. The rain only served to fill in the cracks. He could not even see his hands.
But he did see what his hands held. The stones, or roots, his fingers had wrapped around. Curved, short, cracked. White.
They littered the ground at the bottom of the slope: a strange garden of broken white stalks, tinged with red. Some tiny, some as long as forearms. Smooth white stones among them – round, with black holes, almost like eyes.
Hille made a sound, an animal gasp. Her trembling hand covered her mouth. Just as well, there were no words.
A glimmer caught Albrecht’s attention, a glint in the shadows. A pair of eyes. Then another. Then, countless eyes all around him, just at the edge of the light. The rain murdered Hille’s torch, plunging them into darkness again.
He heard the rats before he felt them.
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
46 comments
You always deliver a stellar ending, Michal, and this story is no disappointment. I think what works so brilliantly here is what you don’t say. We know, we feel, we don’t need to be told and that’s what’s so chilling. The piper has his revenge on the guilty and innocent alike. Your description of the rain is so good both in its visceral imagery and its foreshadowing of death. -Drops as cold as iron cut through the grime on Albrecht’s face. His torch hissed each time it was stabbed. The whole passage about falling down the hole was brillian...
Reply
Thanks, Michelle! Heh, I'll admit I was going for some violent imagery, partly as foreshadowing. Also, I wanted the setting itself to feel hostile. That seems to have been a big theme in a lot of folk tales, that the woods were a strange and dangerous place to go. I'm glad it worked out, and (hopefully) wasn't too over the top :) I've always found the story of the pied piper interesting, and the end is quite mysterious. This is just one idea of what might have happened next. Thanks for reading!
Reply
You had me in the opening line, and then you kept delivering. That remix of fairytale with that fear of losing a child to the dark woods, brilliant! Was very tense with great descriptors. Really enjoyed this one in particular - But the Devil had more sense than to travel those woods. Great story Michal, thanks for sharing.
Reply
Thanks, Kevin! Glad to hear the opening worked :) I like that line, too. The idea of humans getting up to things that supernatural things find foolish is a fun one to explore. I appreciate the feedback!
Reply
Ohhhh creepy! Loved the mixture of fairy tales. Your descriptions are spot on. I was right there with him, being dragged down in the mud. Bravo!
Reply
Thanks, Zelda! Glad to hear the descriptions worked out. It was an exercise in making a shorter, more focused piece. I appreciate the feedback!
Reply
Albrecht searches for Hanzel and Gretel, and you wrap in each parent an aching loss. 'If only I could go back to hearing their voice,' a shared fear, pulling us into the story. And then the twist, the conflict, "you should have paid him". Desperate loss now layered with guilt. A parent's nightmare. Love this imagery. '...“Here!” “Albrecht!” On steady ground, she hiked up her skirts and approached him. And then Albrecht, followed by Hille, end up in a pit of some sort. Is the 'garden of broken white stalks, tinged with red' the children...
Reply
Thanks, Jack! Yes indeed, the "strange garden" was a pit of freshly picked bones. I always wondered what happened after the Pied Piper of Hamelin ended, what with the kids never being seen again, and this is one answer. Terrible revenge for a bill unpaid. So in a way - in the worst way possible - they didn't fail to find them. Glad the imagery worked :) I appreciate the feedback!
Reply
Nicely written, Michal. Thanks for sharing. You leave him too badly hurt to defend himself, or run. Grimm...
Reply
Grimm indeed :) Glad you liked it, Chris - thanks for the feedback!
Reply
Your descriptions are excellent - I could almost feel that I was there with them in the woods. By the time I got to the end though - I was so very glad I wasn't there! Vividly written. Good story telling.
Reply
Thanks, Stevie! Indeed, not a fun place to end up :) I'm glad you enjoyed it - thanks for the feedback!
Reply
Michał, quite the tale. I hear you on the old tales did not have happy endings. I am sure that your story is close to being historically accurate. I enjoyed the piece and the descriptions. The voice was good The theme is interesting] Thanks for the good read . LF6
Reply
Thanks, Lily! Yeah, folk/fairy tales seemed a lot different before Disney. Lots of death and violence - cautionary tales really. Though, this is just one imagined conclusion to the Pied Piper. Thanks for reading!
Reply
Oh heavens! Michal! Oh, you managed that horror beautifully. Each line made me feel like I was running from the part I was on to the next part of this story. Your setting was brilliant-something quintessentially horrifying about a forest. Simply bone chilling in the best possible way. My favorite line was the very last one. You ended if perfectly. I’m too afraid to say much else; I’ll go wrap up in a safe blanket in the sun. Nice work!!
Reply
Heh, I think there's good reasons why forests feature so prominently in older stories. Easy to get lost in, filled with potential predators of all kinds, and sure, there's a bit of magic to them too. A world apart from our civilized one. Glad you enjoyed it, and that the horror worked out :) Thanks, Amanda!
Reply
Well done. The imagery was fantastic and the story left me with a chill.
Reply
Thanks, Barbara! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
Reply
I really, really enjoyed this (and I've been on a bit of a dark-fairy-tale-reimagining kick recently so this felt weirdly fitting for my reading mood haha)! I'm not all that familiar with the Pied Piper story, but I really liked the thorough insight into the parents we get in this! Most often in fairy tales we don't get to see much of the perspective of the parents of the children who are kidnapped or get lost in the woods or are lured away by monsters. I like that this story is so short and contained but feels so full and visceral in th...
Reply
Thanks, C. A.! Yeah, that's an interesting point about the side characters in those stories. Probably lots to explore there in re-imaginings :) I'm glad you enjoyed this piece!
Reply
Well done. I love this kind of thing. Taking a story we all know, and telling it in a different way. Not sparing any of the 'Grimm' details. I read some of the other comments and agree with everyone else. It's creepy, familiar, the opening lines grab your attention and pull you into the story. Zelda mentioned something about mixing fairy tales. I only saw one, But I was never a fan of fairy tales. Therefore, not an expert on spotting them. The tone and quality of the descriptive elements kept me into this story long after I was certain...
Reply
Thanks, Ken! Glad to hear the tone and descriptions kept things going. It was a piece experimenting with those elements. In the original draft, the main kids' names were Hansel and Gretel, as there was some overlap with that story - but it wasn't working for me, and they were cut in editing. It's all Pied Piper now :) I appreciate the feedback!
Reply
Hey there, Michal - Oooo Spooky folk tales, my kinda gig! I love the setting, of course, and all of the attributes you give the forest, but the mechanic of using the search for missing children (they should never stray into the forest) right out the bat is excellent. The hissing of the torch with the rain, cool. Tying the story to the Piper, like, the consequences if you didn't pay? Loved the nightmarish portrayal. R
Reply
Thanks Russell! Yeah, I love some of the darkness that the old tales just hint at (or don’t hint - sometimes they're quite explicit). I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Reply
The descriptions are fantastic! The original tale was just this, dark and despair. This to me is is a modern capitalist fable- for the townspeople thought money was the most important thing, they did not know what they valued until it was gone. I just hope it was *not* historical :) 'The forest exhaled another carrion wheeze and all the lights vanished. ' 'Drops as cold as iron' 'The ground was an oily sea, too deep even for shadows' 'The rain murdered Hille’s torch, plunging them into darkness again.'
Reply
Thanks, Marty! Greed's a killer :) And I'm glad the descriptions worked out. This was by design a shorter piece, and I was trying to get every line to count. I appreciate the feedback!
Reply
Ahhh that ending! 😳
Reply
🐀🐀🐀 :)
Reply
You just grab all the senses and pull them in with your descriptive language, Michal! The dark fairy tales pre-Disney are something to read, and you’ve captured that darkness. The rats at the end {shudder}!! Have you read Pratchett’s The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents? A different spin on the piper!
Reply
Thanks, Nina! No, I'm not familiar with that. I'll add it to the reading list :)
Reply
Bloody great stuff Michal love the mix of fairy tales was hoping to see the musicians of Bremen appear!!; Thoroughly enjoyable read!
Reply
Thanks, Derrick! Glad to hear you enjoyed it :) You know, I'm not actually familiar with that fable - it slipped by me somehow. There were a lot of them historically, and it's neat seeing how they're still relevant.
Reply
Musicians of Bremen is my favourite of the Grimm Brothers fairy tales. Definitely worth looking up if you get a chance!
Reply
I think the writing in this story is the most powerful I’ve seen you do. The rats at the end are very unsettling (though given a story shaped like cheese wedges, it makes it look like you’ve got yourself a Winston in 1984-level rat phobia). I think you’re doing something cool by bringing in Hansel and Gretel, because it adds layers to to the parent’s guilt, but! The thing is that we do know what happened to them with a cage, a witch and an oven and an escape, so either there’s a contradiction that you leave us struggling with (they had a ste...
Reply
Thanks, Anne! You know, I do occasionally ponder the 1984 scene, so maybe you're onto something :) I greatly appreciate the feedback. The choice of Hansel and Gretel was very much a maybe thing, and from the feedback I've gotten, I think it might be causing more harm than not. They are getting cut. Your twist idea is a cool one though, and exactly the kind of ending that would fit a Grimm tale. Might have to revisit that one day :)
Reply
It would be so cool as a last line: Somewhere across the forest, Hansel still cursed the fate that put him in the witch's cage, unaware of what was happening to his parents at the hands of creatures that would not wait for them to fatten! Bwahaha!
Reply
So, this piper did not drown the rats in the river. That wasn't a job well done. Yup, shouldn't have paid him. Hope to see more Hansel and Gretel references. Only their names appear in this story and there is no other connection to their tale.
Reply
Indeed! I've heard variations of the tale where he didn't drown the rats, but just led them off to who-knows-where (and then other variations where he drowned both the rats and the kids). Either way, not a very reliable contractor :) Thanks for pointing out Hansel and Gretel. I debated including them at all - I saw some relevant links between the tales, but I fear having those names there is just distracting. They ended up being cut. I appreciate the feedback!
Reply
There isn't much I can say about this tale except: wow! Along with Michelle Oliver, I consider you two to be metaphor royalty. Along with that honorific, you two are also masters of description. I admit that I often re-read and print out y'all's tales to study. They are that good. I'm a little confused as to why Hansel and Gretel are mashed up with the children from Hamelin. I understand the Pied Piper tale, for we now see what happened to the kids that were led away because of not paying for services rendered. I'm guessing that we are tre...
Reply
Thanks, Del! You know, I spent a good bit of time on deciding if the names should be Hansel and Gretel or not, and I still wonder if it's a good call. My idea was a kind of a behind-the-scenes/what-really-happened, as these stories are often rooted in some actual events, and I wouldn't be surprised if the same event didn't inspire multiple stories. There seemed to be thematic links between the two tales - the setting, the danger of woods, strangers that seem friendly initially, people being eaten, the loss of children, concerns about money...
Reply
Spoilers for folk tales, indeed!
Reply
I like to think this is historically accurate :) A lot of the old tales did *not* have happy endings. Thanks for reading!
Reply