Love

Love was unexpected, I didn’t want him to come into my life. I fought the attraction it just didn’t seem right. The more I denied Love the more I wanted Love. Love gave me a sense of realism, insight and self-love I had always avoided. I needed to escape the real world and with Love I was always on cloud 9. I wished I was the one Love waited for and enjoyed spending time with, but I knew Love could never truly be mine while he was with her. One day she released Love, she said she wanted nothing to do with him ever again. She said she didn’t  Love anymore because being with him meant sacrificing a lot of herself. She released Love cast him out of her life for good screaming “I never want to see you again get out of my house and out of my life you have no power here”.

She threw Love out onto the lawn and slammed the door shut, casting him out without even allowing him to claim anything of his own. Love lay on the lawn naked feeling cold and depressed then suddenly it began to rain cats and dogs, the shower diminishing what was left of his light and his flame slowly went out. She called me to rant and rave to say she finally had enough. She threw Love out right outside her house and stated she would live without him and move forward in his life. I profusely questioned her to ensure she was truly fed up of Love and no longer depended on him before I made my move. She bawled in anguish that if let Love back in now there would surely be nothing left of her to watch out for her and him. She wanted me to stay on the phone with her but all I could think about was that Love was wet, cold and possibly dying out in the rain without anything to reignite his flame. I did my best to comfort her but my true intentions were starting to unfold. The sky began to clear and the night air was rather chilly I took this opportunity to tell her I was tired and planning to turn in for the night but I would talk to her more tomorrow. As soon as we said our goodbyes and the phone clicked I jumped into my car and sped over there hoping it was not too late.

Within twenty minutes I parked a block away from her house proceeding with caution making sure her lights were out as an indicator that she was already fast asleep. I came to the front of the house and saw Love lying there exposed and nearly dead. I picked Love up and caressed him in my arms and stroked him declaring, “There there I know everything will be alright”, kissed his head and walked to my car. While driving home Love remained quiet as if in shock he couldn’t understand what he did wrong. Everything was going so well for them for so long, when did the thread start to unravel the seams of their happy life? I helped him out of the car and up the stairs. “We should dry you off you’re soaked and if you remain wet you will catch a cold”, still no response from him. I placed Love on the couch then watched him and said, “Don’t move I’ll be right back”, He lay his head down almost motionless on the couch, he wasn’t going anywhere. He looked so defeated and here I was taking advantage of the moment while his guard was down. I drew a bathe and laid a towel out for him to use, I walked over to the couch and told him the bath was ready, he didn’t move a muscle just lay still for a while.  I began to worry and picked him up and put him in the bathe and washed him from head to toe, still he lay emotionless and still like a toy. When I put him down on the rug to dry him off he didn’t even shake himself dry as any normal dog. I placed a sheet on my bed and placed him to lie down and he fell asleep right away. I stroked his fur but something strange happened he began to whimper loudly. At first I thought he was just having a nightmare but strange enough he only seemed to react that way when he was stroked.

The next day I got up early and took him to the vet hoping to get some good news. The vet examined him from head to toe, took a blood sample and a DNA sample. He said the results would not be ready until tomorrow. I left the vet and went shopping at the pet store. The idea of having a pet dog of my own was really a happy thought in my eyes which is why I couldn’t understand how she could just toss him aside like he meant nothing. I scaled the aisles with him in my arms looking for the essentials: dog food, dog bowl, chew toy and a leash. On reaching the cashier he started to look rather sick and before the cashier swiped any item he began vomiting and fainted in my arms. The cashier was so alarmed and disgusted she shouted at me “Control your dog!”. I myself was in awe at the situation and stomped out of the store while dialling the vet. When he finally answered the phone before I could tell the vet about his bizarre behaviour he told me that some things had already surfaced and it would be good for me to come in once more. I rushed to the vet a little terrified by what the vet said to me. The vet was waiting in the reception area, all the workers and patients had left for the night so it was just us. The vet held a file in his hand and looked very upset as he opened his mouth giving me the file, “Ms. Benedict I am sorry to tell you this but Love, your dog, has stage 3 kidney disease and his kidneys are beginning to shutdown he has less than a month at most before he….” Before he dealt the final word I already knew the inevitable, he was going to die.

I was at a standstill, here I was thinking I had many more years to play and have fun with him and he was on his last legs. Then everything started making sense, how she complained that he was always taking time away from her schedule, how taking care of him left her feeling like she sacrificed so much of herself to make sure he was good. Her constant annoyance of being exhausted with taking care of Love. It was a sad revelation to know that when I finally got him I could possibly lose him. The vet indicated that the tablets prescribed would ease the pain of his disease but it would not cure him. I sat down clutching Love in my arms while the vet placed the tablets in my hands. At that very moment a machine began to beep in the back. The vet asked me to hold up because the machine finished with his results earlier than possible, he grabbed the paper with the results from the machine and asked me to bring Love to the back for one more check-up before we left. When the vet did the check-up he noticed some black and blue spots that weren’t there before and his paws were swollen. After careful examination the vet told me that he showed signs of physical abuse, I was appalled and distraught, why didn’t these symptoms appear when he first examined him, the vet alerted that the black and blue spots and swelling only manifested when Love’s kidneys started failing. The vet asked me if Love had ever been physically abused and then it dawned on me she didn’t get rid of him because he was sick and hard to take care of, she got rid of him because she was physically abusing him and now that he was completely banged up she didn’t want him again.

I stormed out of the vet’s office and jumped into my car putting Love in the back. I was fuming enraged and crying. Finally I reached her house and parked in front, I reached in the back and picked Love up and got out of car and walked to her door step, rang the bell and banged on the door. She opened the door very upset and confused watching me wondering why the heck someone was banging on the door so late at night. I pushed her back inside and placed Love on the ground. She watched him in disgust and said, “Oh what you came running back Love, thought I got rid of you”. I grabbed her by the collar and brought her in close, I wanted to push her kick just like she did to him but I stood my ground and I spoke these words, “You complained time and time again that Love was such a bother and you didn’t want Love anymore but the days you were left alone Love was the one comforting you in your darkest moments, today I took him to the vet who said that Love has stage 3 kidney disease so for a moment I actually understood your feelings of resentment and your wanting to be rid of Love. I thought you were tired and couldn’t handle it anymore. Unfortunately to my discovery the vet had this to say that the constant physical abuse he received from you ruptured his internal organs to the fatal stage”. She slid from my grips and onto the ground and held her head between her legs and kept repeating to herself, “I didn’t mean for him to get sick, there are just some days that his barks for attention gets so loud it annoys me, I work from home so I need peace and quiet and instead of being a good ,Love  barks at wayward hours like 2 am straight to 4am, Love tears up my manuscripts after I worked so hard on them and then Love pees all over the floor and I’m forced to clean it up, How could I ever want something that causes me more grief than joy”.

I looked her in the eyes while picking Love up and opening the door I watched back at her and said, “For the past three years I’ve watched you and Love become best friends, Love was with you when your boyfriend left you for that other girl, Love was by your side when you were fired from your job and decided to start up your own business from home and Love was with you the day your mother died in your arms Love kept you company when you said you just wanted to be left alone”. “You see I was envious of your relationship with Love so much that I wanted him and you slipped up and tossed Love aside for so many frivolous things, when someone we love does something we don’t like we don’t toss them aside like a piece of trash, if we really do love them then we make the effort to understand the true nation of their action.” She sat there with a pained look in her eyes as I walked off to my car. In Love’s final month it was bittersweet the time we got to share but I made sure his last moments were well spent. I took him on many car rides, I rubbed his tummy and let him sleep in my bed until one day I woke up and he was motionless on my lap. A tear ran down my cheek and I knew he was no longer there I kissed his head and stroked his head and tearfully said “There, there I know you are sleeping so well now only dreams no more nightmares”. I buried him a day later in my back with a headstone that read “Here Love lies dreaming good thoughts forever in my mind”.