Sorry

“I was getting worried. You always used to be early for everything.”

“You were always late as I remember. When you bothered to show up at all. So, what do you want to see me about?”

“Do you want to get something to eat? I hear they do a great pastrami on rye.”

“Kevin, what do you want to see me about?”

“How about a drink at least?”

“I don’t want to have lunch with you. I don’t want to have a drink with you. I don’t even want to talk to you. The only reason I’m here is to get the phone calls to stop. You hear me? I want you to stop calling me, they better stop after this.”

“Yeah, sure, I’m not looking to upset you-“

“Too late.”

“Look, I never told you that I’m sorry.”

“I know. I was there, remember.”

“Look, I’m sorry.”

“Is that it? Are we done?”

“I’m sorry for the choices I made.”

“Choices? I guess that counts as progress of some kind. Last I remember you were just a pawn in everyone else’s games.”

“I’m not the same person you knew back then, I’ve changed.”

“People only change if they learn from their mistakes.”

“Well, I have, and I have you to thank for it. You were the only person in my life who believed I could be a good man.”

“For all the good that did me.”

“Look, I know I didn’t treat you the way you should have been treated. I can’t go back in time and change what happened.”

“The choices you made.”

“Yes, the choices I made. I couldn’t believe anyone could love me for me. Everything I did was to push you away. I knew you could do better, so I pushed you away.”

“You did all that for my own good. You are not seriously looking to have me thank you for what you did?”

“No. No, I’m not looking for anything from you. Look, maybe I would like to be forgiven but I’m not going to ask for it.”

“Then what is this? What game are you playing?”

“I just, I just want to show you I changed and became the person you always thought I could be.”

“Really. Why do you think I give a damn?”

“Look, I mean I’m married now, and we have two little boys. You would just love them to death. I remember how much you wanted to be a mom.”

“So, that’s the game. You just want to rub my face in it. You have a family with someone else when you didn’t want a family with me. Look at me, I get to be a daddy.”

“No, no, no, it’s not that I didn’t want a family with you, I didn’t want a family with anyone. My family was so messed up. I mean seriously messed up and I did not want any part of that.”

“But you’re a part of it now. You found the love of your life who was able to fill the void and give you the family you never thought you wanted but now can’t imagine being without. If I had a drink I’d throw it in your face.”

“It’s not like that. I know I was wrong for starting the affair with Jennifer. Actually, it was her idea.

“What happened to you taking responsibility for the choices you made?”

“Look, I made the choice to have the affair, but I just want you to know that I didn’t go looking for it.”

“You just couldn’t resist when she threw herself in your path. It was all her idea. She seduced you and you’re only a man. As I remember you said there was no guy on the planet that would have been able to resist.”

“Yeah, but I’ve learned since then that I was looking for a way to push you away. I loved you too much to hurt you by marrying you and having a family, so I found a way to push you away.”

“Wow, are you serious? You want me to believe you had an affair with your best friend’s wife because you loved me? Are you kidding me?”

“No, not consciously, it was subconscious. I didn’t understand what I was doing.”

“You didn’t understand what you were doing. You were completely in the dark when it came to screwing your best friend’s wife. She just led you astray. She cast her spell and you were putty in her hands.”

“No. I knew I was screwing things up, but I figured everyone knew I was a screw up, so it didn’t matter. I was just doing what people expected me to do.”

“I expected you to take care of me. I expected you to support me. I expected you to be there for me.”

“But you were so sad during that time.”

“Are you kidding me? I was fired for something that wasn’t my fault and then my Dad died. How the bloody hell do you think I should have felt then. I can’t believe you are blaming me for your affair because I was sad.”

“I fucked up. Look, I know I screwed up ok. I had no idea how to handle everything and Jennifer just wanted to have some fun.”

“You didn’t know how to handle everything? You. God, it was always just about you wasn’t it. You sucked out everything I had to give until I was a husk and then you discarded me when I needed someone to lean on. When I was at my most vulnerable and counted on you to take care of me…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t mature enough to be the person you could rely on and lean on, the person who could give you a save place the heal. It scared me.”

“The only thing you were sorry about was Jennifer tossing you aside when it all came out.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

“You weren’t pushing me away. You were lining up my replacement and then you were going to drop me when I was at the lowest point in my entire life. You hear me? I was at the lowest point in my entire life. You were the only person I had that I thought I could count on. The only person I thought I could lean on. You, on the other hand, were looking for a new fun girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t care about me. You didn’t care about Jennifer. You didn’t care about Ben who had been your friend since first grade. The only person you care about is you.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You were thinking you were stuck with a sad girlfriend who wasn’t any fun to be around and you would just line up a fun one before kicking her to the curb.”

“It wasn’t like that. I was scared having someone dependent on me.”

“Oh, yeah, God forbid you have to put any work into a relationship. It was your idea to use the money Dad left me to move in together. It was your idea for the lease to be in your name only because you had a job and could pay the bills. It was all your idea.”

“It got real-“

“Life’s real. Good things happen, bad things happen. You’re lucky if you have people to lean on when the bad things happen.”

“Like your family.”

“What family? Dad was the last of my family. When he died, I lost the only person on the face of the Earth I could count on.”

“But, you wanted to get married and have kids.”

“Yeah, well I learned I can’t trust anyone to take care of me much less count on them being there to help raise a family. My eyes were opened the day I left.”

“I thought you would have found someone to make your dreams come true.”

“I’ve been busy making sure I never find myself in that position ever again. I’ve worked hard and put in the time to work my way up in this world and I’m not going to let anyone be in a position to leave me with nothing ever again.”

“But you talked about having two kids. You wanted one boy and one girl. You had the names picked out.”

“Used the names on the cats I have now.”

“But I thought you would realize your dream of having a family.”

“Told you, I’m never going to be in the position of being tossed aside ever again. I can’t count on anyone being there for me. That’s the lesson I learned from you. I have to do everything I can to take care of me because there isn’t going to be anyone there to catch me.”

“But-“

“Is there anything else you wanted to share with me? Did you get a dog and name it Lassie or Benji or maybe Old Yeller?”

“No, Frank, my youngest, has allergies so we have a fish tank.”

“How wonderful for you, a wife, two kids, and a fish tank. Your life is just perfect. So glad you managed to grow the fuck up. Too bad I’m the one who had to pay the price.”

“I-“

“I never want to hear from you again. You understand that? If you ever make contact with me again, I will take out a protection order against you. If you see me walking in your direction, then duck out of the way or cross the street. Don’t nod, wave, or speak to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Shove your sorry.”