Starr

Starr had always, at dusk looked for the first star that would appear in the purple sky. It would bring her joy to see that small ball light and she would make her wish for the night. It had started when she was told by the other girls at school that her wishes would come true. In fact stars had always been something she felt tethered to. Starr had been in fact born on the M22 highway between their farm house and the small town in the summer of 2000. the first thing she saw was the night sky. Their car had broken down whilst taking her heavily pregnant in labor mother to the hospital. When she was born in the back of that rusty old pick up she first saw those glittering dots in the sky. they said the night she was born: the stars had never been clearer, millions of commonly unseen stars could be seen in this rare event.

Starr was exactly like her namesake she was a bright out of this world dreamer and incredibly alone. Her parents never had children after her and they lived out of town in their isolated farmhouse. So Starr had grew up lonely. she had friends from school but she lived to far for play dates and her isolationist parents never allowed her to stay at friends houses. she felt alone but she always had her stars. she looked at them through her telescope or outside and she didn't feel as alone. her dream was to become an astronaut to be closer to home.

This particular night the eve of her birthday where she would become an adult. she realized that the stars would be as clear as they had been 18 years prior on the night she was born. It would be wonderful to see again ( and actually understand it). she had seen her first star and began to say her wish when she was called by her mother. Starr drew out of the reverie and went to her mother.

"yes mother you called"

"Starr you have to get your head out of the clouds i was calling you for some time" she said to her daughter as she furrowed her brows. Starr's mother had always been worried with her daughters love for the stars. Starr's head being in the clouds was nothing new. Even at school she had a reputation of always day dreaming and proudly announcing she would be an astronaut one day no matter what (they never believed her and would laugh at her). This declaration ever said was cause for concern. Her daughter was almost an adult, she had always had the silly notions of leaving the farm to go to become a astronaut or some other nonsense. this couldn't be therefore it was one of the reasons Starr clashed with her parents.

The conversation about Starr's future had been put off for way too long. It then occurred on the eve of her eighteenth birthday. Starr told her parents that she had applied for a scholarship to become an engineer (ultimately becoming an astronaut) . The silence that followed her sudden outburst was deafening .

" Starr we talked about this" her father replied dismissively

"No we haven't" she countered as she saw her father looking to her mother for help. "I'm going to become an astronaut, you said it was a wonderful idea dad." she looked confused. Starr had known that her parents didn't really think she could do it (no one did ) but that didn't stop her.

"Starr i said that when you were 9 years old" he countered in a manner of fact way, " besides if you go out there to wherever who is going to stay and look after the farm, your mother and I are not getting any younger."

Starr couldn't believe that he would say that, she looked at her mother for help. But her mother looked away a quiet answer.

" look Starr I understand that its your dream to become a astronaut but its a very long process to get there and your not even sure that you will make the cut. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but you have to think about a realistic future. Here at he farm its real and you can go to the community college and get a business degree and have a Real viable future"

Starr felt crushed she had thought that her parents would understand that this was her dream. She had always felt alone and the only time she ever felt most joy and freedom was when she was looking at the stars. it was her destiny . " but mother, father this is my dream. I have worked harder than I could possibly ever do just to get the best grades and everything else just to get this scholarship-"

"Starr I understand, I had dreams too but sometimes they are just not realistic. Even if you do get the scholarship it will take years. a You will not be young forever: when will you get settled down or have a family if you are too busy chasing this dream. You will lose half your life. All for what to realize that it was a non achievable dream. Honey most of the people in this town wanted to leave and had dreams too but you must realize that sometimes it doesn't work out. Anyways what if you don't get the scholarship: we aren't exactly rolling in money how do you expect us to pay for that fancy degree?"

By the end of it all Starr was left exasperated and defeated. Her parents had decided she would not be going anywhere. She stood up in anger and began her rant

"Mother father you can't possibly keep me here all my life. What about my dream are you going to keep me locked up here forever? What about what I want to do with my life? I have the courage to want to pursue what I want and i get punished and persecuted for it, not only here but at school too. You kept me here: I never went anywhere, I was obedient and all I got for it was loneliness -always alone. I'm only ever free when I see the stars. well you can't stop me and they won't stop me. I will get that scholarship or I'll find a way mark my words !"

her parents looked at each other with shock and Starr's father ( who had been too quiet) looked downwards, took in a breath and looked at his daughter with rage from a deep seated hopelessness. "NO ONE ever really leaves this place but you can try and you will fail"

Starr felt uneasy but her rage quickly took over, " i will not fail never" . she said had the last word turning and walking out. not before taking the keys to the old truck and her jacket. Starr took a moment to look at the stars and breathed out a frustrated sigh. She then started the truck and as she went out the gate from the rear view mirror she could see her parents standing by the door to their farm house. she felt pained that they had not supported her and in that moment tears fell.

Starr didn't realize that there was a reason why at school they were never told to dream big and were always told that they should be grateful for what they had here in the small town. There had been a reason why her parents had been adamant that she stay and manage the farm. They always said that people from small towns would probably never really leave their small town. she would finally realize why.

As Starr drove on the M22 highway on now her birthday going home. the same night 18 years ago that she had been born. the night with the clearest view of the stars ever a rare event that didn't happen so often and only in summer. She thought of everything that had happened and hoped that she would reach some level of understanding with her parents. It the occurred to her that she didn't make her wish from yesterday at dusk. She did as she always would and closed her eyes and she wished with all her might that her dream to see the stars would come true.

As she finally opened her eyes she saw a dear run into the road and she swerved the old truck losing control. It took only a few seconds: as she drew in a breath. then the car began to roll and roll and then ultimately end up on the roof. Starr felt pain and after it ended she struggled to take off the seat belt as her ears were ringing and her eyes blurry. She then felt cold beside her and saw there was no more door she rolled outwards and felt her arm get cut from the glass on the road. She looked upwards and saw the beautiful night sky. It was beautiful and even with all the pain it was beautiful. Even in what was the last moments of consciousness she thought of those stars and soon she would join them.

She finally understood what they mean't no one ever left the small town. They were connected to the town they could never leave. Starr was never going to leave. Her story started on that road on that special rare night and ended there. She was finally with her stars.