The Smart Fridge

It had been on a whim that Sabrina had entered the draw:  

“Win a Cutting Edge of Technology Smart Fridge - The First Fridge to Help YOU Succeed in All of YOUR Weight Loss Goals.” 

That morning, she had weighed herself. 200 pounds. On her 5’5” frame, it wasn’t the end of the world, maybe, but it was the heaviest that she’d ever been.  Sabrina was determined to obtain a gym pass the second she left work - and actually use it this time.  Maybe that would put a stop to her mother’s passive aggressive comments about her weight gain.  

As she was waiting for the pushy and overly perky gym representative to process her contract, she filled out an entry form for the draw.  Something to distract herself from feeling out of place among all of the tight gym bodies.  Sabrina just hoped that they wouldn’t put her on some annoying email subscription list.  Otherwise, it wouldn’t hurt to enter, right?

Sabrina had never won anything, so the second she entered, she put the draw out of her mind.  Five gruelling workouts later, when she hadn’t received additional ad-like emails (and only lost one pound), a 1-800 number left her a voicemail.  She had won a new fridge!  

A week later, when her mom was over for a dreaded visit, the delivery men showed up with her brand new, gorgeous, stainless steel refrigerator.  In her dated kitchen, it glowed like a beacon.  By far, this was the nicest and most valuable thing that she had ever owned.  Her old pea green fridge (that was technically her Landlord’s, really) kept things cold, for sure, but it didn’t have the tablet, or water and ice dispenser like the new one.  Plus, the new fridge belonged to Sabrina!  For the time being, her Landlord told her to unplug the old fridge and she had the delivery men leave it in the sunroom of her little house.

Even her usually critical mother was impressed with her shiny new appliance.  

“This is way too fancy for your kitchen!  You should have told them to bring it to my house.  I would keep it in good condition for you until you can afford a nice place.”  

“Wow Mom, thanks…”

“You know what I mean!”

But before she could respond, her mother started fiddling with The Fridge’s tablet.  This was terrifying for Sabrina, as her mom was not known for being technologically savvy.  The Fridge made a weird beeping sound, while the tablet flashed.

“Oh great, Mom, you broke it!”

“No, I didn’t!”.  But her mother didn’t look all that certain and rushed to leave.

Thankfully (once her mother was out of the vicinity), Sabrina looked at The Fridge’s manual and was able to restart the tablet and start setting up all of its special features.  It had food and habit trackers, a healthy recipe finder and grocery apps built in, and it was able to pair with Sabrina’s phone and tablet.

Once the set up was done, The Fridge seemed to come to life. 

“Good Afternoon, Sabrina.  Thank you for allowing me to help you succeed in all your wellness goals!”, said a lovely alto voice, that was only slightly robotic sounding.

As soon as she had linked her devices with The Fridge’s apps, she started receiving helpful weight loss tips.

Sabrina had heard about those refrigerators that had cameras and would let you see the fridge’s contents from your phone while at the store.  Her new fridge took this technology to another level.  It knew via her FindMyiPhone app that she was approaching the grocery store and sent her pictures of the inside of her fridge and freezer.  Then it made a custom grocery list of all of the food that she should purchase, in order to make healthy choices.  Eggs, tofu, blueberries, broccoli, three different kinds of lettuce…but she wasn’t exactly pumped when it suggested that she buy soy coffee cream instead of her regular whipping cream.  Sabrina ignored that suggestion…and she added a pint of Half-Baked ice cream to the cart.  “Everything comes in moderation,” she told herself.

When she arrived home and started putting away the groceries, The Fridge’s tablet device in that friendly, slightly robotic voice, praised Sabrina for all of her (really its) healthy choices.

“Great job picking blueberries - they are full of antioxidants!”

“Eggs will be wonderful, as they have Omega 3 fat!”

When she went to put away the carton of whipping cream, The Fridge somehow latched the door, so she couldn’t open it.  “What is that?”

“My coffee cream!”

“That is not what you were ordered to purchase!”

The Fridge refused to unlatch for an hour after that and it took multiple promises of “good behaviour” going forward.  Sabrina didn’t dare attempt to put away the ice cream now.

The next morning she drank her coffee black.  Well, to be completely honest, first she sniffed the coffee cream that had spent the night in the cupboard (The Fridge was not happy about that).  When it smelled off, she opted to begrudgingly drink the bitter black coffee.  However, when Sabrina weighed herself, she was already down 7 pounds.  Maybe The Fridge was on to something.  Maybe black coffee wasn’t so bad.  

When she entered her weight loss onto The Fridge’s app, it was so encouraging.

“Way to go, Sabrina!  Your hard work is paying off!”, but it added an “I told you the whipping cream was a terrible idea.”  

Nothing like some robotic smugness to ruin a good thing.

Later, when Sabrina had finished her gruelling work day, she was supposed to go to the gym.  She had planned to.  Really!  But she was completely exhausted, so she started the drive home instead.  Just before Sabrina pulled onto her street, she received a loud phone notification that she had never heard before, so she abruptly parked.

The Fridge:  YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE A THE GYM. TURN AROUND AND GO WORKOUT!

Sabrina was about to send The Fridge a message back, but then realized how stupid that would be.  “It’s just a fridge!”  But Sabrina even surprised herself, when she turned the car around and headed to the gym.  Maybe she’d just go on the treadmill for 10 minutes to appease the appliance, she thought.  Then she received another notification:

The Fridge:  I SIGNED YOU UP FOR CROSSFIT. HURRY! IT STARTS IN 10 MINUTES.

Surrounded by buff bodies that lived at the gym (and were silently wondering what she was doing in this class), Sabrina survived the ninety minute CrossFit class…barely.  Every muscle in her body felt like it was rioting against her.  After almost crawling to her car and up her front steps, she made it home in time for supper.

“Amazing workout, Sabrina!”

Sabrina just grunted.  She wanted to give The Fridge a piece of her mind, but, frankly, she was too tired.  A hot oven pizza would be lovely right now, after the CrossFit torture.  She had earned it, dammit!

As she pulled the Hawaiian pizza box out of The Fridge’s freezer, the voice asked, “Sabrina? What are you doing?”

In a tone, not unlike a petulant teenager, Sabrina replied, “I am making myself some supper!  I deserve it after that horrible torture you signed me up for!”

“But that has little nutritional value.  Have a salad instead!” Sabrina could have sworn that the voice had added “Fatty”, but she was sure she had imagined that.  Before she could consider that further, The Fridge opened its door, then the crisper drawers.  Sabrina, in her frustration, shut the drawers a little too roughly than she intended to.

The Fridge did not like this and responded with, “Owwww! You must be overheated from your workout. You need to cool down!”. The ice dispenser started to pelt ice cubes at Sabrina with remarkable accuracy, as she was attempting to get to the oven.  She dropped the frozen pizza on the floor.

But, much to the The Fridge’s chagrin, she still cooked and ate that pizza.  However, it wasn’t really a loss for The Fridge (though Sabrina wouldn’t admit it) since half the toppings had fallen off and she ended up burning a ton of calories cleaning up her kitchen afterward.

When The Fridge told her at 8 pm that it was bedtime and she needed to get a solid 10 hours of sleep, Sabrina didn’t even argue.  She was exhausted.

The early sleep time would not prepare her for The Fridge’s 5:45 am wake up call.  It made a sound not unlike an Amber Alert, with her phone and tablet following suit.  

“Wake up, Sabrina - It’s time for a run!”

Sabrina pulled the pillow over her head.  “I am SLEEPING!”.

“Don’t make me call your mother!”

“Fine! I am up! I’m up!”. With that, Sabrina dutifully went on a long walk, but refused to run. Anything to escape her Fascist Fridge.

When she returned from the walk, feeling remarkably refreshed, The Fridge told her she needed to drink more water, but Sabrina was sick of being told what to do.  After all, she had lost more weight and she was all about balance.

“DRINK WATER, FATTY!”, The Fridge repeated and, again, Sabrina refused.  Before Sabrina could feel victorious, The Fridge’s water dispenser shot her square in her mouth with cold, refreshing water.

“Arggghhhhh glack. What the hell? *gah*”, Sabrina sputtered.

“Hydration complete! You better get ready for work. Your mother is coming for supper later, so I’ve sent a list of ingredients for you to buy for supper tonight!”

“What the heck?  You invited my mother over?”

“For a nice nutritious supper, but you can take the day off from the gym.  However, you must walk over lunch - I will know if you don’t!”

“Yeah, right,” Sabrina muttered.

“I know you didn’t run this morning, Sabrina!”  Again, The Fridge dispensed water right in Sabrina’s face.

When it started dispensing ice, as well, Sabrina placated The Fridge with, “Okay! Okay! I swear I’ll go for a walk over lunch!”.

Sabrina was frustrated.  At work and on her lunch walk (accompanied by a reminder text, of course), she contemplated just unplugging The Oppressive Fridge.  Sell it maybe?  But then she remembered that it was attached to all of her devices.  Also, it was the most valuable thing that she owned and, truthfully, it’s cutting edge technology did work.  Sabrina was in great shape (and in such a short period of time)...but she was miserable.

For now, it was decided that she would appease The Fridge.  After work, she’d purchased all of the items that The Fridge had demanded.  More health food and, this time, Sabrina didn’t deviate from the strict list.

At home, The Fridge praised her for her (its) healthy choices and gave her step by step instructions on how to precisely cook dinner for her mother.

Her mother was nothing short of amazed by not only supper, but by Sabrina’s transformation.

“You look fabulous - let me look at you!”, she gushed, “Wow, that fridge did amazing work. I am SO JEALOUS!”

Later, as Sabrina walked her mom to the door, she saw her trusty old fridge still sitting faithfully in the sunroom; it gave her an idea.

“Mom? I think you are right…my fridge would look much better in your kitchen. Think of it as an early birthday present?”

Sabrina’s mom initially declined, but in a way that Sabrina knew she wanted The Fridge. With little convincing, she agreed to get movers for the following day.

When she returned to the kitchen, The Fridge greeted her with a, “Good job following instructions today, Fat-“. Before The Fridge could figure out what she was doing, Sabrina reached behind and pulled the plug.

The next day, it was gone and her old trusty pea green fridge was put back in its place of honour.

The Smart Fridge Product Review

Submitted by sabrinasmom@gmail.com

2 out of 5 stars

1 person found this helpful.

My daughter gave me this “smart” fridge as an early birthday gift and I found the tablet feature to be very argumentative. While the refrigerator still cools my food, the tablet & weight loss technology suddenly stopped working after only 2 days. When I phoned the Manufacturer to demand a full refund of the refrigerator’s value, they refused, as I was not the original owner. I am extremely disappointed - they don’t make refrigerators like they used to!