TO REMEMBER LOVE

It was a very sizeable hole. The word 'hole' almost seemed inappropriate considering its size. She stared down into it; her mind was so confused and unbelieving that her first thought was that it would make for a nice pool. It was deep enough! And then her mind went quiet. Blank almost.

Her eyes just stared, but nothing was registering. Her lungs inhaled and exhaled, deeply, slowly. Her heart continued to pump blood through her veins, though she felt cold. Her body was functioning as usual, but her mind was not.

You could say it was fatigue; she had been out here for the majority of the day prior. In fact, she had stayed until well after dark, and had desired to spend the night. It was her father that prevented her from doing so. Instead, they had somehow manouevered him onto a tarpoline and covered, with his warmest rugs. Her precious boy. It had been a long, distressing day, yet she hadn't wanted to leave his side, hadn't wanted to drive the ten or so minutes to home, to take a hot shower, slip into clean pyjamas, and crawl under a nice thick duvet, while he lay there, alone, in the middle of the paddock, sheltered by a hill of rocks. Neither of them knew what the night would hold yet they did not want to be apart. 

The day had stared off so well; she had gone to work, a new job she had only started four days prior, had ridden the thoroughbreds along the beach as the sun rose in the sky, promising a beautiful day weather-wise. She had finished at 11am to start the hour drive home. As she drove she was singing along with the radio, thinking of how the rest of the day would pan out. She would visit him, perhaps take him for a walk or a ride even, feed him, say her goodbyes, and then go to nanny for a family she had been working for for the past couple of months or so. And then Friday night? Who knew how she would spend it. It was nice to think she could do whatever she pleased: get take out, watch a movie, read, or just sleep. An early night wasn't such a bad idea, as in the morning she would be rising early, this time to go to work for a man that was to be her full-time employer in a few weeks. It would be the first time she had met him and she wanted to make a good first impression on her first day so therefore not too late a night would benefit her most. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by her mobile phone ringing. She reached down, glancing at the unsaved number briefly before answering it. A female voice spoke, stating her name. As she drove, Jameli frowned. Who did she know by the name of Ashley? She listened as the voice continued.

"I'm just ringing to let you know I'm out at Kastanah." Jameli blinked. And then it hit her. Ashley. A girl she had been best friends with in primary school. Ashley, who had gone on from school to study and become a vet. Ashley, who had never actually seen him but now she was with him. Jameli's heart froze. Why was Ashley with her horse?

Her heart suddenly started beating again, but too fast. Her body started shaking and she felt her temperature rising too high. Her left foot slammed down on the clutch, her left hand shoved the gear stick into fifth and as she released the clutch, the accelerator hit the floor beneath her right foot. She didn't care if she was to receive speeding fines in the mail over the coming weeks; money didn't mean a thing when it came to him. She just needed to get there as fast as possible. 

Their reunion was not how anyone would want it to be. Jameli ran across the bridge to where her boy lay in the paddock. As she jumped the gate, she called out his name. His head lifted and his ears pricked. Ashley was standing beside him. She stayed there with Jameli for another hour, monitoring him as he lay there, watching the two girls. Ashley left her with a few sachets of medication, and gave him a final injection. 

"Oh, and you have my number. Don't hesitate to ring if anything changes. Just give him time though and he should come right." And then it was just the two of them. And soon it was time to go nannying. She promised him she wouldn't be long. And she wasn't. She was back by his side in a little over two hours. She hadn't bothered to waste time in going home to change or shower or have dinner. And when she returned, he was exactly the same. 

As the sun began to get lower in the sky, and the evening became cooler, Jameli sat on the cold ground, holding his head. Her phone was dying, but the couple that lived up the hill had ventured down to offer any assistance; everybody who came into contact with him loved him. They let her use their phone; Jameli called her father. He was there within half an hour. With him he had an armful of tarpaulins but she did not miss the gun that he was trying to conceal. She looked down at the handsome white head laying in her lap; Dad is just thinking of what may be best for him. She comforted herself with this thought. 

They had tried in vain to get him to rise to his feet; was it the strength he lacked, or the will? After all, he was getting on in age. Yet he was so young at heart! They had had a wonderful 10 or so years together; Jameli willed him to stand, to just have a little extra time with him! He would just gaze at her and she would sit beneath his head once again, pleading with him to find it within himself to stand, to ride through the long grass another day, to carry her down the aisle in her lovely white dress to a man who loved her almost as much as she loved him, to be the first horse ride her future children would experience, to just stand and place his head over her shoulder and snuffle her neck as he so often did, to assure her that their life together was not over.

And then her father sent her home.

The next morning, she would be holding his head again, but this time cold with the caress of death. She would be stroking him, her eyes spilling over from her heart. She would be shaking as she wept. She would be turning away as the large digger placed his body in the ground. She would stand over the now full grave, and place some special trinkets alongside him; things that en-captured the sweet memories of their special bond between horse and girl. She would watch as the dirt was placed back over him, taking him from her sight forever. She would stand, knowing that in the years to come developers would possibly dig this up in the hopes of turning it into property. And when they did, they would find him, and the photos of them, and the wood carving she had buried with him. They would find this time capsule that contained her heart, her soul, her love, and her life.