All that matters

Gold colored hoops dangled from my ear and I went to look in the mirror once more. My dress was a short and strapless shimmery blue, silver heels adorning my feet. I brushed my hair once more, knowing it could not possibly get straighter. It had grown longer now, up to my belly button, and looked like the deepest, darkest shade of brown. I realised the gold didn’t match with the dress, or maybe it was the heels, and sat on my bed to reconsider the accessories. It was 7:42: almost time to leave. My diary lay on the bed, and I brushed my fingers across it, and pecked it as if this was a goodbye. I burned it. Burned 5 years of memories, 5 years of happiness, 5 years of gloom. 2020 would be a new start, a fresh beginning, without the past hanging over my head, and I’m not going to lie, I felt free, like someone took a weight off my chest. And that’s when it happened: I heard a knock on the door. Nothing could have prepared me for who I saw. He stood there shyly, his palmed twisted into one another, head bent over slightly, and a slight smile curled onto his lips when he saw me. “Adrian?” I said, and even though I sounded doubtful, I knew it was him. Glassy eyed, I hugged him, and he held onto me.

 Adrian was my best friend back when I was 15 years old. 5 years ago, my dad got a job offer in the US, and we moved countries. I had to leave everyone behind, knowing I would not see most of them again. I stood there stunned, and even though there were 100 questions I wanted to ask him, I stood there speechless, eyes wide with shock. “I’m here to kidnap you” he said (obviously kidding), and I realised only then how much he had changed. He was taller now, broader, and had gotten rid of his acne. He still had the most beautiful light brown eyes, contrasting perfectly with his fair skin. I remembered him being my first crush in 8^th grade, and the thought made me smile.

We drove to the McDonald’s drive through, and I texted my friends that I might be late to the party. “So”, he spoke through gulps, shifting himself in his seat, “what have you been up to?”, and at that moment, I regretted burning my diary. I wished I could have given it to him to read, wished I didn’t have to re live the past, even if it was through words. But there was no escape, and so I spoke, words pouring out, and feelings I never knew I had escaping my mouth. After I was done, it was about 9 pm, but I didn’t care: I wanted to know more. “So, what about you?” I said, and it was his turn to talk. I listened, consoling him at the right times, and laughing at the right times. We drove across the city, not sure where the roads were leading us, and I realized that even though I had good friends and a loving family here, my life had been incomplete without him. A lot had changed over the past 5 years; he was a different person now, and so was I. Yet, everything felt safe and familiar, and I liked that feeling. The roads were isolated now, and I assumed everyone was away partying, celebrating the new year, or their new life, or letting go of everything they had been holding onto for so long. We drove past a “Happy New Year:2020” boarding, and did something I had only dreamed of doing: we climbed it.

My heels hung from my wrists as Adrian helped me up the boarding-stand. We sat there, our legs hanging in the air, and Adrian funnily croaked cheap songs that we used to listen to back in our country. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, and I felt a rush of happiness. I felt nostalgic in a good way, and it was only after 30 minutes of singing that I realized I was not scared. That was the day I overcame my fear of heights. We sat there silently for some time, and I realized that this was the first time I had felt content in such a long time. My life was set in the US, yet Adrian being here made it that much better. Adrian broke the silence, and spoke in a soft voice, “there was something I had promised myself I would do if I ever saw you again”, and I knew it would be something meaningful. “I liked you, Anika. Throughout 7^th and 8^th grade and 9^th grade. And I never had the confidence to tell you. But now I do. God, it feels good to get it off my chest finally. I know it’s a small thing but, I don’t know, it feels big to me. He was rambling, but a smile spread across my face. “I liked you too…. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I said, and he looked regretful. “You have got to be kidding me. Seriously? Shit, I wish I hadn’t been such a scaredy cat.” I was suddenly giggling, and he joined in. He looked into my eyes, and we kissed. His lips were soft and delicate, and I realized: this was my happy place, right then, right there.

It was then that I opened my phone to 20 missed calls and 50 text messages, and I gasped; it was 3 am. “Happy new year” I told Adrian, “happy new year” he said. I was glad that Adrian had come here, because he was what I really needed to start off fresh, he was the one who would make this year better for me. I didn’t care why he came to the US, or how he came, as long as he was with me right now, because that was all that mattered.